To invite or not to invite?

I know this is hard, but I would invite him. You only get one dad, and while he seems to be acting like a real pain and being unfair to you, I don't think he's crossed the line into un-invite-able. That said, I think when he talks to you again, you should express your need for better conflict resolution with him because you love him and the silent treatment takes a toll on your mental health. Also, you should prepare a short, clear un-invite message in the event that he acts unfairly again, so that he knows there are established boundaries and that you won't tolerate unfair treatment any longer.

I would invite him just so the ball is in his court. Then if he doesn’t come you can say you were the bigger person and extended the olive branch. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

I think if you want to consider having a relationship with him then you should invite him. If not or you don't really care then I don't think you necessarily need to. I may have the unpopular opinion but I don't think its fair to deal with the stress of toxic people like that. He's the father and it's just very toxic and immature to not even respond to a happy father's day over not watching a freaking pet.

I would invite him and being that your wedding is next year you still have a good amount of time to repair your relationship

Yeah that crosses a line. Does he ever apologize? It sounds like he has a habit of lashing iut and treating people with disrespect.

View Quoted Comment No, never. He never sees anything as his fault or feels bad. When he finally contacts me after months, he acts like nothing ever happened and never speaks of it again. Half of his family doesnt speak to him, including his siblings because of how he acts.

View Quoted Comment I think that he clearly has issues he needs to work on, and you have no obligation to quietly take his behavior. Definitely don't let him back in again without a frank discussion about his behavior and how it affects you--if that pushes him away for good, at least you did the best you could. I hope he will eventually realize he needs to make a change to keep people in his life.


I also have a family member who lashes out and destroys relationships, and she has never once apologized. The best option for a lot of my family has been to cut her out for long periods of time, but she is always invited to events. When she is too ashamed to come because of an existing grusge, she often snaps out of it and tries to mend the fence, but she simply doesn't seem to possess the humility to apologize. She does do lots of things to show us she feels bad and loves us, which makes it complicated. I think the only thing that has worked for us is saying "you are always welcome, but if you enter our lives, we will not tolerate X behaviors" and if she crosses that boundary, we implement temporary distance again.

I agree that you should consider what kind of relationship you want moving forward because not inviting your father to your wedding will have a permanent impact on your relationship. If you want a relationship with your dad going forward, I would invite him. But if you think the relationship is toxic, you may want to set this boundary now.

It sounds like you're nostalgic for the father from your childhood, but aren't able to reconcile with who he really is now that you're an adult and understand his behavior. I think the ball is in your court. You have to decide if you want to keep him a part of your life. Whatever you do decide, I hope you have your mother walk you down the aisle. It seems as if she's a constant in your life and deserves that role regardless if your father is there or not. You can have him there as a regular guest without any real role to play outside of showing up unless you want him to do more. Whatever you decide, stand firm in your choice.

Thank you all for you're help! I think I will invite him and if he comes, he comes but I will still have my mom walk me doesn the aisle. This is my second marriage and he walked me down the first time so I dont feel as bad letting my mom take that role this time.

View Quoted Comment I have never had anyone tell me that I was nostalgic for my childhood dad but now that you say it, you're definitely right! Makes me sad a little that I cant have that dad back but he's probably been like this my whole life, I was just to young to realize. Thank you

View Quoted Comment You're welcome ❤❤❤

I'd invite him, but keep him at arm's length. By that I mean it's up to him to contact you (offer an apology? doesn't sound like he will, but hope springs eternal!) and try to repair the damage he's done. Don't involve him in any of the wedding prep and have your Mom walk you. You don't need to volunteer that information to him, either, especially not this soon.

Just because someone is related does NOT mean you are forced to have them in your life. Toxic people are toxic whether they are father, mother, sibling, grandma, friend, random stranger.... Just because he is your dad, doesn't give him carte blanche to treat you with such disrespect.

The more people let toxic people get away with treating them badly, the more you are saying "yeah, sure, I love it when you treat me like crap....please keep doing it." You cannot control how people act, but you can control your reaction and you can limit the heck out of your exposure to said people. Your wedding is a special day for you to celebrate with the people who truly love and respect you and want nothing but happiness for you. Now, if your dad decides to grow up and act like an adult, then by all means, invite away. But for him to be disrespectful to you and still think he gets to be a part of all the good in your life, I would say no.

Sorry if this came out a little harsh, but I went through years of struggling to pull myself out of the pit that some pretty terrible people pushed me in and sometimes it triggers me when people post things like this and all the replies of "but he's your dad, etc..." like that is supposed to excuse the bad behavior.

I'm so sorry, weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes.

My husband had a troubled relationship with his older half-brother (shared mom). About a year before our wedding, his brother was going through a divorce/custody battle and taking it out on everyone including my husband's dad who was basically the only father figure BIL has known.

Throughout our planning, things seemed to be okay one minute and then stressful the next. I ultimately left the decision of inviting his brother to my husband. He decided that based on his behavior when invites needed to go out then that's what he would do. When really we knew how BIL was going to act and probably not show up regardless.

What does your gut tell you? Based on your description, I wouldn't invite him because you don't need to deal with stress on a day you should be happy.

View Quoted Comment I was not offended at all and did not take it as harsh. 😊 I appreciate everyone's honesty