To invite or not to invite the kids...

Also, if we do end up inviting the kids, do i need to provide entertainment or a babysitter? 3 of the kids will be between 9-12, while the rest are under 4.

ETA: 3 of my cousins will be traveling from out of state to attend the wedding.

We are team NO KIDS - but to each their own.

At that location and cost, I'd say no.

I am inviting BP kids and relatives kids (there aren't that many in the family currently!) so total there will be 10 kids total, only one infant & one 3-year-old. The rest are older children at least 6 years old and up. But our venue is all indoors and the cost of children's meals are significantly cheaper than $60!

You are always entitled to plan a child free social event, including your wedding. Just as you have the right not to include children, they have the right to decline the invitation if they simply can't leave their children or get a sitter.

The people who might complain, somehow manage to go to work without their children.

I am in a similar situation. I have kids (but they are older) and we have kids in our wedding party and in our extended family that is traveling from out of state, which would be fine...But, then we have our friend's kids (and our friends are DRAMA!). Right now, I think we are going to say that we are not able to accommodate children besides those of the wedding party and traveling guests. I'm crossing my fingers for no drama, but I think I'm going to have to prepare for it, anyway. I don't think you need to provide entertainment or a babysitter unless you want to and can afford to. It's a lot of extra cost on top of what you are already paying. As far as the food, have you thought about separate kids menus? You might be able to save a little there.

It sounds to me like you don't want to invite them, but feel obligated to because of the drama that might ensue. IMO, that's not a good enough reason to invite kids. You are well within your right to host an adult-only event. People with children will need to make childcare accommodations; if they don't want to, then they are free to regretfully decline.

If you do decide to invite kids, babysitters and entertainment are not your responsibility; that falls to the parents.

We did not have kids at our wedding, and do not regret it at ALL! The parents were able to dance and celebrate with us and not have to worry about wrangling kids all night. We located some nanny services in the area for those with children, but did not pay for the sitters. I recommend adults only!

It's not their drama to create. It's your wedding, and you control the guest list. You can, obviously, have BP kids there, but that can be it.

Thanks everyone! I do feel obligated to have children. I keep hearing chatter about how this should be a "family event" and how great it is "to have the whole family together". My dad's side of the family is spread out across the country and I hardly ever see any of them. I have cousins that live less than an hour away that I only see once a year. The other 3 cousins live so far away, I haven't seen two of them since I was a kid! My aunt is trying to turn my wedding into a family reunion. And as much as I would LOVE to see everyone and have a big family party, my budget just really doesn't allow it!

I just hate hate hate confrontation and disappointing people. And, especially since I'm already having 4 kids coming, I can see my resolving breaking.

No actually. It's not a famly reunion. It's your wedding, and your choice to curate your guest list is exactly that; your choice.

If they want to have a family reunion? Let them plan one. Problem solved.

The great thing about decisions like this is that you only need to make them once and stick to them.

Eekk... decisions... my Achilles heel!

I have a few different perspectives on this.

1. its your wedding so any choice that you make is yours.

2. Our families are very large and very family oriented. We were unable to attend one of their weddings (they live 3 hours away from us) due to their not having kids. FSIL told us hers was no kids, but mine was invited as shes immediate family.

3. One of the funnest weddings i was at was my cousin's wedding. I got to dance with his bride (she was out with all of us kids) and we just had a grand old time. I remember this and really loved our experience there. I was probably about 8 when it happened.

I think it depends on budget and your families. Do what you want and be clear and up front about it. Nothing worse than declining a wedding because you can't be accommodated with your kid, but finding out that they had a ton of kids there anyway and you could have gone.

Is there a way to discourage children without flat out denying them? Like posting a picture of a gator in the lake at the library on the wedding website?

But, I completely agree. If my aunt wants a reunion, she should plan her own. I am just worried that since my family will be traveling so far, it's poor etiquette to expect them to leave their small children back home or to find childcare in a new town. I also worry that because other children have been invited, it will look like I'm playing favorites.

Unless your aunt is bankrolling this thing, it doesn't matter what she wants. It's YOUR wedding; you call the shots, not her. If there's no room in your budget for additional kids at $60/pp, then there's nothing to be done. Address your invites to the parents only, and if you get questions, simply apologize that you cannot accommodate children and move right along.

@OG Matt - I think we're related. We didn't invite anyone under 21, which is the way almost all the weddings we've attended have been. My uncle/aunt boycotted and didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP, because their kids weren't invited; and I had only met the younger one twice, at the time. One time was when there was another adult only family wedding, and they took their kids anyway. Let's just say that incident, their refusal of the kids' meals (7 and 10 years old), and their behavior that night was why I went from being 99% to 150% sure I would never invite kids to my wedding.

What about my bridesmaid's step children? The 2 younger kids will be in the wedding party, so should their older half brothers automatically be invited? The BM originally said not to invite them, they're brats, too many people, etc. But, told me just the other day that the boys were excited. ... soooo... guess they're coming after all. I feel like it would be rude to not have them, as their half siblings are in the wedding, and since we've known them since they were toddlers (they'll be 10 and 12 for the wedding). But, if those 4 come, my other goddaughter, and FH's cousin... how can I justify not inviting my family??

The BM situation is kind of tricky. I think that since the other siblings are in the wedding, they should be allowed to attend; you probably shouldn't invite only half of the children in the family. Your BM shouldn't have said to not invite them in the first place, though.

You can justify not inviting the rest of your family because $60 a head for 11 children that you don't truly want to invite is a HUGE expenditure. The children that are invited are in the bridal party (or family of the bridal party if you include the BM's stepchildren), so they are the exception.

Also, you don't have to justify your choices to anyone. It's your wedding and it's coming out of your pocket, so you choose the guest list. Stick to your guns!

The cost per child at your venue is very high! I understand why you're debating it. I wouldn't invite them at that price point. At my venue, kids under 3 are free and those 3-11 are only $28 so we decided to allow kids.

If your aunt wants to schedule a family reunion around your wedding, tell her to go right ahead. She can hold it the day after the wedding and schedule lots of child friendly activities. If family bring children from out of town, she can also help them find childcare for the wedding.

This may turn out to be a moot point anyway, depending on how far people have to travel. It's expensive to pay for flights for the whole family.

This has been discussed a lot. I would suggest searching for the topic to find some more responses. In the end it's all personal preference. If you do invite kids I think it's best to have consistent rules so invite certain circles or only wedding party...something like that. The only little kids invited to mine will be my own nieces and nephews,