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Rachael
Savvy April 2021

To Give a Plus One or Not?

Rachael, on December 25, 2020 at 3:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 3 23
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My fiancé and I are having an intimate wedding with approximately 30 guests in April 2021 and will be sending out invitations soon. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and want to celebrate with close family and friends. Essentially, none of our guests are getting a “plus one”.


Here is the dilemma: my Uncle and his two sons from a previous marriage mean everything to me and I would love for them to celebrate with us. They have received our “Save the Date” without a “plus one”. However, my Uncle’s girlfriend of about one year recently expressed her excitement in coming to the wedding to my Mom although we did not intend on inviting her. She also stated that her daughter would be coming. I’ve met his girlfriend one time, but have never met her daughter.
My fiancé and I want our wedding to be intimate and I am conflicted on how to handle the situation. On one side: I’m paying for my wedding, thus I designate who attends. On the other: I don’t want to be rude to my Uncle.
I really don’t want my Uncle’s girlfriend and daughter to attend. What are your suggestions? Invite the guests out of courtesy or invite who we want to attend?

23 Comments

Latest activity by CountryBride, on December 26, 2020 at 7:11 PM
  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I wouldn’t invite the daughter but I’d invite the girlfriend. If they’re in a relationship they’re a social unit, therefore you invite both. A plus one is a courtesy extended to a single guest.


    I feel you! I wanted an intimate wedding where my husband and I knew everyone. I relented when a bridesmaid asked if she could bring her boyfriend—I didn’t know they were seriously dating after only a few months. I’m glad I said yes, because they were serious enough to get engaged a few months after my wedding!
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    You can just invite your uncle but understand the risk that he may NOT come if you don't invite his gf. I wouldn't invite the gf's daughter at all.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    My FH and I cut our 📉 losses and opted out of inviting aunts/uncles and siblings due to the plus one issue. All of our siblings are serial daters and have a new significant other every 1 to 6 months. We didn't want random dates at our wedding and in our photos of such a big day
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Well I do not think it would be fair to allow her to come but you are not allowing others to bring their plus ones. I would be upset to know I could not bring my husband but someone else could. I would say if you are opting out of plus ones it should apply to all. I would call your uncle and explain the situation. I would tell him you would love for her and her daughter to come but out of fairness to all and budget reasons the invitation was only for him and his sons. Like a PP said be prepared that he may not go either because he is offended he cannot bring her or if she shows any disappointment or upset. I know the first person said let her go and I see that perspective but I feel you would get backlash from others that could not bring their SO's,

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    A plus one is for a single guest. If someone is in a relationship, that couple needs to be invited together, as a social unit. It's ok to not invite the daughter, but it isn't really ok to ask your uncle to celebrate and honor your relationship while not honoring his.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Your uncle's girlfriend wouldn't be a plus one. Your uncle and his girlfriend are a social unit and should be invited as such. Plus ones are only for people that are single. It would he rude to invite your uncle to your wedding to celebrate your relationship while ignoring his relationship. The daughter is optional.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    What you described is not a “Plus One.” It is a couple in a committed relationship and as such they should be invited as a social unit. Plus Ones are for truly single people (i.e. John Smith + Guest). You have no social obligation to invite her daughter if you do not want to.
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  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Thank y’all for your responses. This has been a difficult decision that has been weighing heavily on me today in particular. I’ve actually never heard of a “social unit”. The term seems a bit silly. Most of the individuals invited to my wedding are married, which is why there aren’t any “plus ones” - so to speak. The few that aren’t married are engaged or truly single; except for my Uncle. Although I’m not a fan of his significant other, I’ll invite her since she is excited to attend, but I won’t invite her daughter as y’all have suggested. Though, I’ll anticipate they’ll bring her anyway 🙄.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    There are a lot of social etiquette norms you learn through wedding planning. This was new information to me too but I can see it. I think it is best you explain the situation to your uncle and be up front that you heard she was planning to invite her daughter and due to guests limitations she is invited but unfortunately her daughter is not and ask your uncle to relay that message. I strongly suggest in your invitations put the names of those invited and even word it to where it states that X number of seats have been reserved for those 4.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I would invite the gf, but it is very presumptious of her to assume her daughter can come.
    I'd invite the uncle and gf by name, and make sure the invite says "we have reserved 2 seats" so it's very clear
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Could you compromise and invite her but let her know that her daughter isn't invited?
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    As many of the others have mentioned, this is not a plus one because she is your uncle’s significant other and they’re in a committed relationship. I would absolutely invite her, but you are in no way obligated to invite her daughter. I would extend the invitation to your uncle’s girlfriend but not the daughter
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    You’re prob stuck inviting his gf but she’s being really presumptuous to assume her daughter comes - unless it’s a blended family and they all live together and are basically step siblings?
    Then it really will cause an issue if you invite your nephews and not their step sibling.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Your uncle & his gf are a social unit so she is included in the invite. I would have your uncle talk to her that her daughter isn’t invited since you’re keeping the #’s down.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You don't invite just half of a committed couple. You invite the girlfriend. You do not need to invite the girlfriend's daughter. Children do not automatically go where their parents do. That is up to the hosts, not a matter of basic politeness like inviting both halves of a couple together ( or not at all). You need only say, we are not inviting everyone's children. ( Meaning: we are only inviting children we have a close connection to. Or, no children at all.)
    But SO are a must. If girlfriend does not like that, she can stay home
    She was given the chance to be with uncle, all you are required to offer.
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  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Kristen,
    That is a really great idea. Thank you for the suggestion!
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  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Samantha,
    My Uncle and his GF live separately. His GFs daughter, from what I understand, travels between the GFs house and the stepdads house.
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  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Judith,
    You make some very great points. The GF sounds very excited to come, so I won’t deny her the ability to celebrate with us. But I have not met her daughter before. Thank you for your comments.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Then I would have zero qualms about not inviting the daughter at all!
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    After this update, I am even more blown away she thinks her daughter gets to come


    Make sure you are VERY firm and clear
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