J
Savvy July 2020

To elope or not

Julia, on November 23, 2019 at 8:52 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
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So we are having a hard time figuring out if we should just have the ceremony, then take 50ish people out to a nice dinner OR have the whole wedding (would be 75 people)...but way more expensive. There would likely be a $15,000 savings if we go with the 1st option. We are paying for everything ourselves.


Some background: We have a mortgage, need to fix part of our roof and do other repairs as we want to sell our house and get something more affordable sooner than later. We are also planning for a baby at some point next year.
Having a full blown wedding with reception is doable, but then we would be sacrificing some of the things I listed. Of course, having a baby is priority over anything else. But having a baby and then planning and saving for a wedding sounds crazy to me? The little girl in me wants to have my day, of course. But the adult is saying not now child. Shhh.
I’m just not sure if we should maybe have the party 2 years from now (so we can save) and have a baby in the meantime? Or just essentially elope. Go to dinner. Go on a nice honeymoon. Plan for baby. Fix the house. Etc.
Ahhhh sorry if my thoughts are a bit scattered. It’s been driving me crazy!

10 Comments

  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    It sounds like option #1 gives you the best of everything and allows you to keep on the path you want (fix roof, have baby). Eloping/dinner can be considered a great wedding—you don’t need the DJ, expensive venue and all the other things adding up to that extra $15K. 😊
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  • J
    Savvy July 2020
    Julia ·
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    This is a great point! I guess part of my hang up is that a dinner after the ceremony feels a bit ordinary. I wouldn’t want people to feel like they flew in to just have dinner, if that makes sense. I know that sounds awful, but I’m just being honest.
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  • Yoice
    Rockstar March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I guess is all depends on your priorities. I wanted to elope at first because I always wanted a wedding at a different country, Paris to be more specific but I got engaged in Paris and still elopement was in my mind. My husband wanted a full wedding, he said I’ll regret it if I don’t and he was so right. Well we compromise and had a small (45 guest) destination wedding. It was the both of both worlds. We also have dreams and goals that include a house and a baby but our priority at that time was the wedding and now is everything else. That’s just us. If you’re ok with having an elopement and adding your baby to you wedding later on then go for it!
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  • J
    Savvy July 2020
    Julia ·
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    Thanks so much 🙏🏼 I’m so glad it worked out for you!!! Yeah...I feel like I might be missing out on all the wonderful moments of having my dream wedding. But my adult side is thinking that’s childish of me to spend SO much money when really priorities are more the house and future baby ☹️🤷🏻‍♀️ (Very excited about a baby!) but it is important to us to be married before we have the baby. And so the cycle ensues lol
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    You can do option #1 and still celebrate your marriage with those closest to you.
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  • J
    Savvy July 2020
    Julia ·
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    You’re right! With just a dinner? I feel like a dinner sounds not too exciting..like a regular day of the week type of thing. Not sure if I’m looking too much into it 🤦🏻‍♀️
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  • Kristen
    VIP October 2020
    Kristen Online ·
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    Honestly i think the day of is the commitment between you and your future husbands. Weddings are amazing but in my opinion not worth going into debt for when you have other major issues. You don't want roof issues lol. Remember the ceremony is what's not expensive it's the reception. I say have the wedding you want but don't overspend on the venue and do it between major meal times and have a light reception. You could get some platters of food from your local grocery. My friend did that and it was nicer than I thought.
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  • Yoice
    Rockstar March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I totally get it! Is not your priority now. I say go elope and take amazing pictures. Have a honeymoon and once you’re back have a nice dinner with all the local people. Choose a restaurant that has a private room and if they have a tv or projector then share pictures of your elopement and honeymoon. Make it whatever you want without spending a fortune.
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  • Neeva
    Expert April 2020
    Neeva Online ·
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    I say go with option 1 and if later you feel you have the money to have a more substantial wedding then you can do that. It's not all or nothing!


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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    That doesn’t sound awful at all. If they see your ceremony and you provide them with a nice dinner after, that’s a great guest experience. DJ, dancing, photo booth are all extras but not expected (and a know your crowd thing).


    If you host dinner at a nice restaurant you won’t even need decor. The restaurant might also print a nice menu card for each guest and have candles you can use for free.
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