To eat or not to eat?

I think so considering couples/their families bust their butts to be able to pay for their weddings. If you're going to an event where a meal will be served, pack a snack to hold you over.

Hmmmm. Did you not have anything, such as appetizers for cocktail hour, wedding cake or drinks? I can feel you on eating before, because Ive gone to a few weddings with very little food and was starving after. Otherwise, you should atleast sip and snack on something. Who knows, the bride and groom probably didn't even notice you weren't eating.

I would make a comment if I noticed you didn't eat at both occasions. I wouldn't be mad about it, but I would think you were strange/ a little stuck up about food.

I didn't have anything and I feel horrible for not even trying it. It's like when I get around his family there's this enormous amount of pressure and I loose my appetite. They have this hangup about gaining weight and being fat. I normally wouldn't care but it's something that they mention often about his brother's wife or just in general. I know every family has quirks but it can be overwhelming.

Honestly I would think it was odd if you attended an event like a wedding and didn't eat anything at all the entire time. Also, if I was a member of your FH's family and noticed that you didn't eat at multiple events, I would definitely start to think you either have some weird hang-ups about food or are snobby/super picky about what you eat. In general, if I know I am going to an event in the evening, like a wedding, I will eat a normal sized breakfast and then have a light lunch and possibly a small snack right before going to the event. This way, I've eaten enough that I'm not ravenous or cranky by the time the meal is served, but I also don't risk spoiling my appetite by eating too much beforehand. Given your latest update though, this sounds more like some emotional issues and drama his family has surrounding food, and not so much how to schedule your meals before an event.

It's one thing to not to be hungry, it's another not to eat at all. I mean, if I were hosting, I wouldn't notice if you took a bite or two and then played around with the food for a bit. But if you didn't touch anything, I think that would be a little weird and possibly offensive to me (like it wasn't good enough for you to even try)

I think it would be extremely odd, and yes rude to the hosts, to attend an expensive event where dinner is served and literally eat *nothing*. Couldn't you just have a few bites of what you were served? I just find this so strange.

I've mentioned it to my FH before about the "fat comments" and his mom does it all the time. It's a bit much. I know I need to let it go because I don't want to be the weird one. Especially since I'm used to fitting in everywhere. No seriously. Anyway thanks for the feedback.

I'm with Nikki, if I had paid specifically for you to eat, and even given you a chance to disclose allergies/restrictions prior to the event and you refused to eat I'd be weirded out.

@Rochelle my immediate family has a history of weight conscious/shaming to the point of being damaging. I learned a long time ago, compliments of my wise-beyond-her-years younger sister that provided you're generally happy and healthy, who cares. People will judge for no reason that truly has to do with you but usually their own insecurities, and your SO is with you for a reason and it's probably not your weight (let's hope not beauty alone, as that fades). Hang in there and have a bit of food.

This is an odd post to me.

Who would notice if you didn't really eat aside from your FH? And are all the same people at all of the same weddings that you are worried people are going to notice and talk about it?

I would be pretty upset that I paid for an extra meal that went uneaten.

Do you plan to eat dinner at your own wedding?

ETA: this is a legitimate question, not trying to be snarky. Just wanted to make that clear.

The weddings I've only ever gone to have had lots of food. The first wedding I took FH to was a Greek wedding and I told him that we couldn't eat much before the wedding. He was shocked by how much food there was. The bride and groom and the bride's parents stopped by several times during the 3 hour dinner to check on guests and make sure people had enough to eat. It would be insulting not to have eaten some of the courses available.

I understand having an eating disorder, but if it's going to cause issues when you go to public events, you should look into therapy. However, you need to find a therapist that specialises in eating disorders.

I can relate to the fat-shaming aspect. We have a close friend of the family who was like that, to the point that when us girls (her daughter and I grew up together) were together, she used to compare our weights. Whenever she'd come over, she'd ask me how much I weighed. I was 13 or 14. This continued into young adulthood. It really made me self-conscious about food around them and I always used to eat beforehand if we were going to one of their dinner parties so that I wouldn't eat around them.

When you're in this situation, just take a few bites and then play with the food on the plate. It's much less insulting and most people won't notice how much you ate/didn't eat.

I wouldn't be too happy if I paid a lot of money for your plate only for you to not eat. Just have a little snack to hold you over and then eat the meal provided.

TBH, I would be insulted if you were my guest. It costs a lot of $ per guest to feed, not only that but the effort in picking out the "perfect" meal.

I do think it's a bit odd. I would nibble at the least - I mean, the hosts are spending a lot per plate

I'm usually worried that I wont get enough, so i eat before too, but i always also eat at the event. I would feel rude not eating when I know what they spent on the evening.

Not all guests ate at my wedding. It was ok. I was more disappointed that not more cake was eaten, but we took the leftover cake to work on Monday and it was completely gone by end of the day.

Huh I have never had this problem. I am always hungry and willing to eat.