To-do List & Invite Anxiety

Four months before your wedding is too soon to send out your invitations. I would focus on other things you have on your list first.

Hey former date twin (we recently “threw in the “towel” and are postponing to next October). What are some of the biggest tasks left on your list? I agree with PP that invites don’t have to go out yet. Also, 4 months is still doable since life is re-opening in some areas. However I do understand your concern about the rehearsal dinner... the location we decided on (a fun place with dinner, bowling and live music) is still closed “until further notice” and same with our Sunday brunch location. Also our hotel venue is technically still closed. So there was too much uncertainty in hosting our destination wedding weekend to have our guests to travel out there for us. But perhaps you can select a Plan B location for the dinner to ease that worry and focus on tackling the list in small chunks to lower your anxiety.

Daughter was engaged/planned for about 18 months. Things were super quiet between 4-10 months. At four months out, they started to pick up a little. That's about when she ordered her invitations and scheduled her alterations appointments, etc. But, it still wasn't too bad. Our "OH, CRAP!!!!" moment came about 4-5 weeks before the wedding. There were tons of last minute, "small" things that we kept thinking, "oh, we don't need to do that till right before." Daughter and I were in a restaurant having lunch and going over the to-do list when it dawned on her that "later" had fully arrived and the list seemed very LOOOONG.... She kind of had a major freak out, but we divvied up the list and set due dates; within a week it seemed much more manageable. Hang in and good luck!

Yeah I think to do lists for weddings can be so daunting because there can be so much to do on them! But i think also sometimes we make more work for ourselves than needed aha so maybe review it for things and cut it down because maybe some things we really don’t need for the wedding anyway such as we could have more minimal decor

I would wait on sending the invites. my venue told me in this circumstance the longer you wait the better. they advised me to send them 6-8 weeks before.

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I generally agree with that and our original plan was to send them out closer to August, however about 80 of our 90 person guest list is out of state. We want to be as considerate as possible of giving people notice for travel purposes. We also can only have about 60 people at our ceremony, so the thought was to send invites in waves. That way if someone declines we can open up a seat for another guest to attend the ceremony.

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I'm sorry to hear about you having to postpone! We've discussed that as an option as well, but ultimately decided wedding or no wedding, we'll get married on October 10, haha. My best friend/MoH/Many Hats Lady is our backup officiant, so come high hecky we'll be married that day.

That's a good idea about multiple rehearsal dinner plans. We are leaning towards a house party style, but there's been some pressure for us to choose a restaurant. I think maybe pizza and s'mores might be the way to go-- we know our house will be open.

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I agree, there is definitely a creating more work for myself element, haha. After I posted this I ended up talking to my fiance and we devised a reasonable plan, in which he is a lot more hands on than I thought he would be. That took a lot of stress off!

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Due dates! That is such a good idea!!

It's so easy to fall into the "later" trap with a long engagement! I think what has surprised me the most is that I have been very steadily working on things through our engagement, but some stuff just can't be done or shouldn't be until a few months beforehand. Like alterations and getting his suit, and things like that. So that all just feels daunting, haha. I did talk to my fiance about it all and he's going to help me divide and conquer, which is much more hands on than I anticipated he would want to be. And my MoH is coming to visit for 3 days to help craft/test/plan/drink in July which will be Super helpful!

View Quoted Comment I hear ya! Initially our Plan B was to still get married on 10/10/20 with just the two of us and then do the celebration later. But just as the pandemic keeps changing, so has my mind. I know that if we get married on 10/10/20, then the important part is done... no need to celebrate later because it won’t be the same. For example, my 45th birthday was May 6th and I had plans in place to have a party (rental company, catered taco bar, margarita machines, etc.). Then quarantine hit and I couldn’t do anything. FH and a few friends said that I could still celebrate my birthday in a few months. But now it’s gone, and the idea of trying to go back in time and recreate the birthday doesn’t feel the same. That experience is what pushed me away from our initial Plan B. So, regarding the wedding.... it’s either ALL (marriage and reception celebration together) or NONE (marriage only). And since we’re having a destination wedding in Vegas....it has to be a party! 😆


I think you’ll be fine as far as the rehearsal. It’s easier to put together a back up plan for it. Plus, it’s a more casual event, so pizza and s’more‘s are perfect

View Quoted Comment Did you not send save the dates? Generally, if you have a lot of out of town guests you send save the dates. Also, it's considered incredibly rude to b list guests. I wouldn't rely on guests getting back to you quickly. Guests tend to take their time rsvp'ing and you often have to follow up after the rsvp deadline.