To Attend or Not to Attend?

I wouldn't go unless I was extremely close to the person. That much car time and money spent for a 15min ceremony, BWW as dinner, and possible bed bug exposure isn't worth it in my book.

I'd graciously decline, but still send a gift.

If you don't want to go,then don't. Send a nice card or gift if you are inclined. No need to give a reason for your absence, simply rsvp no.

Decline with a card, no gift

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Thanks Shelly, I wouldn't say we are extremely close - see each other like once a year... if that, we used to be close. I'd love to go because I would be sad if they didn't come to mine but I just don't think I can afford to go.

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The problem was they called me and asked me if my fiancé and I wanted to be invited which I thought was kind of weird. I was thinking of maybe driving down there, avoiding her family like the plague, going for whatever dinner and then driving back if anything. Or maybe I can stay and make a little get away for myself lol but I'd have to check out the prices for the hotel

View Quoted Comment That is weird. In the future always reply that you will look at your schedule. If you feel like a little get away, why not? I suspect they asked to see if you would be offended if not invited. Seeing as it is a small wedding, they may be weighing their options.

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I told them I wouldn't be offended if I didn't get an invite and we could celebrate at a later date but they insisted that I "made the cut".

Too far, too much money for 2 to travel, eat, lodgings for a fee hours. Send a gift. Those should be given according to degree of friendship, not whether or not you attended, and here you clearly think of him as friend. Would visit if not far and too costly.

I would drive down and back if the friend is someone you really want to be there for. BWW is definitely informal for the reception but I have heard of people serving worse food, too. Then again, I am very used to driving 5 hours in a day and skipping alcohol at an event/dinner so I can drive later. If you don't want to do that, giving them a gift with a handwritten card is also an option.

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Um, yikes?

Big respect to you for not being offended by this statement.

Being told I "made the cut" would be my first inclination not to spend my time and money attending this wedding. That entire scenario, calling you to ask if you wanted to be invited... then telling you that you made the cut... what if you had said "yes, we'd like to be invited" and then they decided you didn't "make the cut"? Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

If you feel inclined, send a gift, but definitely let them know ASAP that you will not be attending so that they have time to invite someone else (which I am sure they will do).

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Thanks Eniale, I think I'll wait until I get the invite and can price everything out... but if the hotel is like $200 a night there is no way I'm going

Um..... yeah don’t go. And don’t feel bad about it either. I also would not drive all that way to go to Buffalo Wild Wings unless I was like super close with the couple....

If it's short, couldnt go go and drive back on the same night? Im not saying you have to go, but if you care a lot about the friendship, I think there's a way to go that you'll be able to afford.


I also don't know if you can get bedbugs from being near others who have them. That would be something to consult google about

Based on what you described, I would kindly decline and send a gift.

I don't think you'll get bed bugs from being in a restaurant with her family...I mean, anyone can go out to eat, and you don't know what other random people are bringing with them.

It sounds like these people are not well off, so I would not expect them to come to your wedding either way. But I def wouldn't expect them to come if you don't go to theirs.

None of us can really tell you what to do. If I considered myself friends, I'd probably go.

It doesn't sound like you're close with these people and it may not be a big deal not to go, however I do like the idea of you making a little weekend getaway out of it if it doesn't break the bank. That might make the situation a little more fun. If you do end up going, just remember to adjust your gift to the venue. Usually people give enough for what would cover their plate...BWW is like maybe $20 a plate, so I wouldn't be giving them a large gift.

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I'm thinking it will be pretty pricy, gas + tolls + hotel if I spend the weekend not to mention time and energy - and what do you even wear to a reception at BWW?!. I was thinking about doing my wedding dress shopping during my time off then. I feel bad not going because they really want me to be there and I want them to be at mine - I think celebrating with them at a later date would be better.

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Thanks DJ, thats what I'm thinking honestly - I don't think I saw them in 2020 at all - his fiancee seems to be under the impression we are BFF's always tells me about her wedding stuff, always wants to one up. As much as I love my friend I just don't think it would be possible for me to go

Would you go if it wasn't at BWW? Like, I get it. It's a lot of effort for wings. Buttttt I also really hate the thought of scoffing at a couple choosing to celebrate this way. It's about celebrating the couple's relationship, right? But at the end of the day, only you know how much they mean to you.

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We could get BWW any time honestly.... I would go if it was a whole big thing with dancing and what not... it just seems silly to drive a total of 5 hours to sit in a loud BWW - of course I get its about them and idc how they celebrate - but its just a long drive to take by yourself, I can just celebrate with them afterward. I've known this friend for 10 years so I really want to go... I just can't justify the cost of everything right now.