To attend or not attend FH family wedding across the country, advice?

I think in that case its completely understandable if you can't make it. Is FH attending even if you don't?

We do everything in our power to attend weddings. Next month we're driving 6 hours a week after I have knee surgery to attend FH's cousins wedding. This is a family culture thing though... Its something we drop everything to do. That being said, I am not sure I would fly across country and take a red eye there and home for a wedding

Eh, I am not that huge on weddings-- even before you get into crazy travel and work, so I'd say skip it. They may be disappointed, but they will still be married.

Do you expect them to come to yours?

I am in a similar boat with my cousins wedding in sept. i may end up going alone bc it is much easier for me to take off work than it is for FH.

if you cant go, you cant go. and i dont think you should spread yourself too thin trying to get there just to increase the chances of her coming to your wedding. that would be kind of petty. go because you genuinely want to, and know that she may or may not come to yours either way.

Because of work, I say decline.

Okay based on responses I'm starting to feel less guilty/more comfortable with not going.

To answer some questions.

FH will still try to go but I could tell he didn't want to go alone. His schedule is just as tough as mine but he has a few vacation days but I think that me not going makes it less likely that he will go.

I do expect/want them to come to ours - so that's really why I'm more torn. Pre-engaged me would not go given the circumstances but now I'm starting to understand the disappointment she might feel.

It seems like a bit much (time, money, energy) to fly across the country for literally less than 24 hours. I'm sure his aunt would understand. Hopefully your FH can go pending his work schedule.

I wouldn't. Send a nice gift and a sweet card. Weddings are not, "you came to mine, I'll go to yours" events.

I think it's understandable why you can't go. Is FH very close to the aunt? I've gone to family weddings across the country without my fiance and had a wonderful time, so I find it odd that he wouldn't want to go and represent both of you at such a meaningful family event.

I know I could not swing a cross country trip within the next 2 months, I'd need more notice.

Don't feel bad; Send a nice gift & note, per Celia's advice.

I think that in the grand scheme of life I would rather be dead tired then miss the wedding of someone important to me but I think they would understand if you chose not to go

@Kait but if her flight is delayed, she'll still miss the wedding and also be out the money, too.

If a red eye gets canceled, if could take many, many hours before you're able to get on the next flight... You're not guaranteed to get on the next flight out.

I think you send a card/gift and call it a day. I love my family and close friends but I am not spending that kind of money and doing that kind of schedule when I don't any vacation day(s) to put with it. If she really wanted everyone there maybe she should have sent those STDs out sooner so people could prepare.

Also, if your flight is delayed will you miss work? How will that go over with your boss?

I don't think you have to go through all of that to prove you love people.

If they don't attend your wedding, be gracious and move on.

DH and I make every effort to attend events when an invitation is extended. However, in your case, because she sent out STD so late, I would call and let her know regrettably you are unable to get the time off. Definitely get a nice card and gift.

Noel - good point i guess I didn't think of that cause I'm not a huge flyer...

Forget being tired for a moment, what happens if your plane doesn't arrive on time or gets cancelled or something? You may not make the wedding or work on time. I don't think I'd risk it, & I think your situation is understandable

I just went to my cousins wedding with FH and my family. We drove 8 hours there, attended the ceremony, most of the reception, got back in the car and drove the 8 hours home. It was super crazy but we couldn't imagine missing it!

Work is a perfectly understandable reason to miss it----and if you can't afford the time off then it is ok not to go.

Idk. Honestly she'll be so busy with the wedding you probably won't even be missed (sounds harsh but being honest). If it's such a late flight I would just say no. We've turned things down recently because of work schedules and having a big event coming up that we have to pay for. If you'd miss most of it shelling out tons of money to go then it's not worth it. She should understand.

I have a lot of people traveling to my wedding. Lots of declines because of distance. I just go with it.

Also, maybe you can do a fun dance at your wedding where they count down years married and you can make sure one of the dates is just under their married time as a nod... If you're that worried about not making it.