To attend or not attend a friend’s wedding

I am hoping to get some clarity about a situation and i cannot seem to find the right answers from close friends and family. I am want to apologize for the long post and I want to state I believe brides and grooms should as they please in weddings. It’s their day and they should do what is right for them.


I am not getting married but my childhood friend is getting married this December. We have known each other since we were babies and we have gotten to be especially close the last several years. We are known as a “package deal” as a few people like to call us. We are each other’s person go to person about anything and everything. Then I moved abroad a couple years ago and despite, the distance we are in contact at least a few times a week. I’ve been able to come home to our hometown for a couple extended long stays and she’s the one person outside of my family, I see the most.
She got engaged and did not ask me to be a bridesmaid. At first, my feelings were slightly hurt but I figured since I am abroad with Covid and everything, she assumed it would be difficult to have me come. I accepted it and tbh, was slightly relieved as being a bridesmaid can be expensive at times. I was and still am very excited for my friend. She asked if I would be able to attend the wedding and I said, “Of course!”
Then a couple weird situations occurred. When I was home a few months ago, she told me and another friend of hers from college, Ashley, that she wanted us both in her wedding but couldn’t have us because she wanted to keep the bridal party small. She told me this at least a few times. She even told me she would have me over Ashley as she claimed we are much closer. Once again, I accepted it. I appreciated her telling me. A couple weeks later, Ashley posts a “Will you be my bridesmaids?” Gift box from my friend. The box was filled with many gifts including personalized monogrammed with Ashley’s initials on half the presents. It looked very well thought out and planned. I was quite bewildered as my friend told me numerous times she couldn’t have neither of us in the wedding and would prefer me. I was really kind of stunned and my friend has never mentioned anything further about it. I decided not to address it with her.
Then, the bridal party that she wanted to keep small went from 5 to 12. But interestingly enough, there are only six groomsman. She asked her very toxic and unstable girlfriend of her cousin’s to be a bridesmaid. They have been dating one year and my friend has maybe known her for two years. When the girl drinks, she gets out of control and will verbally and physically hurt people and anything around her. All of our friends are very shocked by this including myself. The cousin has even mentioned breaking up with the girl but is going to wait as long as he can as he is worried the girlfriend might sabotage my friend on her wedding day. The situation is quite bizarre tbh. My friend also doesn’t have the nicest things to say about her and I feel quite insulted over it. It makes me wonder what my friend says about me.
The last couple incidents have involved me catching my friend in a couple major lies which whether or not she realizes it, has altered our friendship. The last straw for me was when she publicly announced in front of our group of friends that she wasn’t inviting my parents to the wedding due to numbers. She is inviting over 400 people to the wedding include the cousin’s toxic girlfriend’s parents. Whom my friend has only known the girl’s parents for a couple years whereas she has known my family her entire life. My parents love and care for her deeply. I was embarrassed and I felt slightly hurt for my parents. It’s her wedding and she can do as she wants but it’s the fact she said it in front of a dinner group and not privately that has bothered me.
It is a sad and bizarre situation I am in with my friend. I have always been her biggest supporter and confidant. We never fight and I have been racking my brain to figure out if I have done something but I can’t find anything. Frankly, my friend has changed and so have I but the friend I now know is a different person. My friend apparently knows I am upset by a couple things but is actively avoiding me.
Once again, it’s her wedding and she should do what she wants but I thought we were close friends. I am at this point where I want to spend my time wisely and financially and I am not sure it’s a great idea to attend her wedding. It will cost at least a couple thousand dollars and I am single and self sufficient woman. I also have another friend’s wedding I am a bridesmaid in and I need to set aside money for her wedding. My parents think I shouldn’t go and cite distance as the reason but of course, send a nice gift. A few close friends all say that understand my feelings and think her actions aren’t great but I should move past it and still drop a lot of money and fly to her wedding. One friend even said I would be damaging the friendship if I don’t go despite the fact of how I have been treated. I also am wondering if I don’t attend How should I bring this up with my friend? Any thoughts or feelings of how I can delicately work this situation would be great!