To ask her to be a Bridesmaid or not?

Sorry I don’t know why it spaced out all weird like that!

When is your wedding? Definitely do not ask anyone before 10months-1yr out. Relationships change. I know I’ve got a girl that I wish I could un-ask but I can’t. We hear about the drama around here all the time too.

I think if you want to ask her you should. Regardless of anyone else's feelings about it. However, I do think your BP should be those closest to you.

If you want to ask her then you should. I personally would not ask anyone I wasn’t super close to in the present.

View Quoted Comment It’s 7 months away. Yikes I’m sorry to hear that!

I'd ask her if YOU want to. If you don't feel strongly about it, then maybe you shouldn't and just invite her as a guest. Your bridesmaids don't have to LOVE one another, but if you think including her when you aren't even sure about her would cause a lot of drama then don't.

My bridal party were my best friends from high school, college, and med school. Everyone else helped, particularly people i am closer to now. But i wanted them there with me and standing up with me to support us.

Definitely do it Andrea! If you have your FH's blessing especially, and she was your bestie in college, go for it!

I'm currently in an awkward boat bridesmaid wise (long story involving a bridesmaid that I won't mention here). But I read this and thought - she's in a similar situation as me! One of my closest friends since sophomore year of college (I graduated in 2009 btw), I kept on wrestling with if I was going to ask her (she lives far away and I want her to be a part of everything, but we don't talk or hang out as much as we used to - it's a distance thing, nor do I want her to feel obligated to come up here for things either). She was one of the first people there for me when my Dad passed in 2011, I was one of the first people she told when she got engaged - although I was not asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, but was invited as a guest, she was one of the people I had to call since my FH and I went to college together, dated after college because we didn't know we liked each other - we're shy nerds - she thought we did. Of course I got a big I told you so from her. Haha. )....she came up to visit one weekend and all of my newer friends ADORE her. So one night I slept on it and I cried because I realized that I can't get married without her at my side. So I'm mailing her a proposal box tomorrow (hopefully she says yes, I wish I had asked her earlier)!

But also on a related note to the OP, (and some people might find this rude, I'm not sure) two of my other bridesmaids don't like each other. I want them both there, and I forewarned them both that yes the other person is in the bridal party. I just asked them if they could tolerate each other for a couple days - engagement party (they took a picture together at my engagement party which kind of weirded me out - but they used to be friends a while ago), bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, and the wedding. They don't have to like each other or even sit nearby each other, as long as they're courteous that's all I care about. They both agreed to that...and so far it's been okay to a point. So maybe have a chat with your other bridesmaid just in case would be my suggestion. It's your day and since she's important to you, hopefully your other bridesmaid who doesn't like her will take it in stride.

But best of luck on asking your best college friend to be your bridesmaid!

It’s your wedding and your choice. If you’re debating whether or not too than there’s some doubt there. Imagine 20 years from now when you look at your bridal party and where your relationship is with them. If you can see this friend still in your life at that point than maybe having her by your side is right. One thing I learned during the planning process is that you can’t please everyone else...

Are you actually close? If she’s not someone you can call at 3am to help get rid of a body, I really wouldn’t ask her.

If there’s any doubt for any reason that makes you uncomfortable don’t ask her. I made the mistake of asking a “friend” who turned out to be pretty awful. I had to unask her a few months later. The last straw was when she told me “your wedding isn’t important to me...” I had doubts from the beginning, as did my FH but he wanted me to be happy so he was just supportive.

When in doubt, don’t ask. Advice about picturing your life 20 years from now is how I finalized my decision.

I think it’s definitely important to think about it in a long term way. Are you planning on staying close or even in touch with her in the future? And at the same time, if you really want her there, that’s ultimately what is important.

I ended up just having my best friend as maid of honor and family (SIL’s and cousin) for bridesmaids to keep things as small and drama free as possible. It’s worked out well so far especially since there have been several friends who’ve distanced themselves and/or I’ve fallen out with since I got engaged. Super disappointing, but it definitely seems like getting engaged alienates some people.