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Just Said Yes November 2022

To ask for money for a down payment or hope people get the hint.

Scott, on June 9, 2022 at 6:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
So we are having a non traditional wedding. We plan on having a small ceremony and then going out to dinner with everyone there. Then we plan on going home and putting our son to bed and having grandma stay with him. Then we are going to our favorite bar and having an open invite to everyone to come and celebrate our big day!


We have enough stuff, and are planning to buy our first home early next year. Should we have a wedding fund, or just not have a gift registry?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on June 10, 2022 at 4:57 PM
  • E
    Devoted February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    I just wouldnt have a registry and I think most people will end up gifting cash anyway. If someone specifically asks you, you could just mention you're saving up for a house in lieu of a registry.

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  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani ·
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    I agree with Elycia. Don’t have a registry. I wouldn’t ask for cash specifically, as some people will automatically give cash to newlyweds anyway.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Are cash gifts common in your social circles? In some circles, asking for cash in any form is taboo and you will receive physical gifts you don’t want and can’t return of there is no registry, while others only gift cash and do not give physical gifts at all. Don’t automatically assume that no physical registry means cash gifts from everyone. Guests will gift what they normally do according to their family traditions.



    Depending on the social circle customs, having a party at the bar long afterward is seen as a tiered reception, which is generally considered impolite. Other groups have no issue with it.
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  • Jasmine S.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I agree with this. If you don't want registry gifts, feel free to skip the registry. Some people will get the hint and give cash, others will buy you something anyway, and some will give no gift at all.
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    Are you hosting/paying for everyone's drinks, etc. or just sending a message out to people to let them know to come hang out after your wedding/dinner? If you're not hosting, chances are people will not be bringing gifts/money.
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Agree with this. Are you hosting the dinner and drinks after?

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I don't think a registry makes sense in this case. How many items would you have on a registry with so few guests? I am guessing guests will be paying for their own drinks at the open invite hang out, hence the open invite, which means it's not really a reception and I wouldn't expect those people to bring gifts.
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  • T
    Dedicated July 2017
    ti ·
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    I think the above comments about the dinner are very valid - if its pay as you go I wouldn't be expecting guests to give anything further as they will have already paid for the privilege of joining you.

    An items registry definitely sounds unnecessary for such a small group of people, I would either just let people know individually what you might like if they ask, or let them know that there will be an area for cards if they want to bring any.

    I appreciate the asking for cash can be seen as tacky in some circles, but if you're inviting your close friends and family who know and understand that you guys don't need anything for your home I don't see the issue, personally.

    We put on our Guest Information slip that we don't need anything for our home and that we don't need or expect gifts at all, just people coming along is enough for us. But some people will always want to give something, so we suggested that if people were inclined to do so they could simply contribute a small amount to our honeymoon fund Smiley smile

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  • Sloane
    Rockstar May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    I would not have a registry but indicate that guests are welcome to give gifts if their choosing but monetary gifts preferred. We didn’t have a registry and had QR codes placed on tables for guests to donate to our favorite charities. However we needed up getting gifts and cash anyways in addition to charitable donations.
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  • Michelle
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle Online ·
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    I agree you may not receive gifts from your afterhours guests as this is a tiered event. Any mention of a registry or money may actually offend them as they were not invited for ceremony and dinner. For your main guests, you can bring a bag/purse to dinner to collect any cards, but I would not list anything about your gift preference on a wedding website. Verbally, you can tell your guests you are "not doing a registry". People will gift you or not depending on their customs regardless.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yes, this. If people are paying their own way, then I think it would be good not to expect gifts. For those that ask you can say you're not having a registry but you're saving for...

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