Tips for an anxious fh

So what exactly are you wanting from him? Are you wanting to exchange gifts and/or letters to one another the day of like a lot of couples do? If so, then you have to express that to him and see how he feels about it. If you don't say anything and expect him to 'just know', then you're setting yourself up for disappointment when you get him something and nothing in return. (not that giving gifts is the reason for a wedding lol...)

If he's nervous about reciting his own vows, maybe just say them to one another before the ceremony. You could do this in a letter and have them exchanged, read them out loud during your first look, or if you aren't doing a first look, just read them out loud to one another. It's a great way to relieve some of the nervousness the day of!

What would you like for him to do? Communicate that with him and then come to an agreement that makes both of you comfortable. Maybe him writing a letter to you could help you feel appreciated and also help him with his nervousness (since it'll just be him writing it).

As far as the vows - is it possible to read them before the ceremony? During a first look? Or privately to each other afterwards?

As far as gifts - if he doesn't know he's supposed to give you something, then he won't know to do it. I feel like you can brush this off though - especially if he's already nervous!

I agree with SHY about making sure you ask for what you want rather than just wishing and hoping he will read your mind. That said, you know who you are marrying and you can't expect him to be someone else on his wedding day. If the thought of writing and reading personal vows in front of everyone is making him sick, I would compromise with having the officiant do "repeat after me vows" and you both exchange a personal letter privately.

As far as other tips for your anxious future spouse, I would eliminate any other spotlight things you have planned and reassure him that everyone there will be happy to celebrate with you both but that he doesn't have to "perform".

I wouldn’t put the pressure of a gift on him at this point. I’d also offer to help him with his vows if he’s worried about it. Just because you want to write them alone doesn’t mean he has to if he’s clearly uncomfortable.

Did the two of you decide together that you wanted to write your own vows, or did you decide it? This is obviously something that is making him extremely nervous and could derail his excitement. Like someone else mentioned, can you compromise and have the traditional vows read during the ceremony and exchange personalized ones in the form of a letter?

This would be my solution, have special vows or words you say to each other before the ceremony when you are alone either around the corner or with a door between you unless you are doing a first look. It takes the pressure off and then just do the regular I dos at the ceremony

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This is a very good idea...I KNOW I've been getting wrapped up in the planning and plowing through things with little emotion. I need to slow down and remember why we are doing this in the first place. I liked the idea of him hearing my vows for the first time on the alter, as I did not plan for a first look, but since he is clearly uncomfortable, I do need to compromise. I will talk to him and see how he feels about having some alone time together in the morning for us to exchange our vows out loud to each other and if he's still not comfortable with that then we can then consider following the standard officiant vows, even though that's not what I want, but again...compromise.

Thank you ladies! This is what I needed!

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Yes Maggie, we aren't doing most of the traditional spotlight things, games, cake cutting. We originally thought we wouldn't even do introductions nor a first dance, but we will discuss further thank you!

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It will all work out in the end! I think compromising and see if reading them to one another before the ceremony is a great idea and it really does help with the nervousness. Even if you aren't planning on doing a first look, you can do a first touch where you both stand on opposite sides of a door or wall and read them out loud!

My FH is on the shy side too. I suggested we write each other our vows in the form of a letter and we read them privately so they are just between us and this helps take off the extra pressure. Then we will recite vows during the ceremony. We also thought about instead of vows why not choose a meaningful song whos lyrics express our feelings and love for one another to play rather than read vows. It's unique and will take off the extra pressure from your FH. Congratulations and Goodluck.