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Beginner July 2022

Tiny Wedding vs Eloping

Leah, on February 21, 2021 at 5:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 6

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My soon to be fiancé and have been together for a long time (12 years). He bought me a ring and only kept it a secret for 2 days. It's custom so it's taking some time to arrive. And we have been so excited we have been discussing the planning already. We had always thought we would just hit the courthouse but my closest family are interested in helping with a small event. We are considering the Airbnb route since if we do invite everyone we would absolutely feel obligated to we would have less than 40 people attending a short ceremony and visiting and far fewer than that would actually stay with us overnight. I found a house that can accommodate what we want. It's going to very casual and relaxed for the most part. I am worried some people will be offended that they won't be invited. And we don't really want other children to worry about but ours will be there (they are 10, 13, 17, 18). I feel like with the syle of the event and the fact that we are an older couple as it is everyone should really understand. We just want to have fun and do a weekend minivaction style thing with our very closest family and friends. How many of these "wedding rules" apply to this small scale of a wedding where the actual wedding is such a small portion of the trip? Plus we plan to go ahead and pay for it oursleves.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Leah, on February 21, 2021 at 10:30 PM

Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 21, 2021 at 6:13 PM
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I’m a firm believer in that this is your wedding so it’s your vision! Don’t worry about others! Do what’s best for you & your fiancé!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 21, 2021 at 6:29 PM
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That is something only you can decide. Don't let anyone pressure you. Also Airbnb and other rentals are not allowing weddings.
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Beginner July 2022
Leah · on February 21, 2021 at 6:44 PM
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Thank you for your advice! The one homeowner I spoke with was willing to allow my event because it is in no way a traditional wedding, more of a tiny family reunion. And they said I could have under 50 if we wanted for 2 hours on the grounds for the little ceremony portion and a but of visiting outside for which we would have some apps catered in and then cleaned and removed by that company vs cooking ourselves but the rest of the weekend is just a small group of us that are the closest relaxing and swimming. So it's more of a mini family reunion with a pop up wedding thrown in.
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Beginner July 2022
Leah · on February 21, 2021 at 6:46 PM
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Thank you so much! We are so excited and we do want it to be special. But we also want it small and informal. Just the closest of us swimming and eating and visiting...more of a mini family reunion with a pop up style wedding.
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Dedicated December 2021
Connie · on February 21, 2021 at 10:25 PM
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In my experience, people are far more understanding of intimate families for older couples than really young ones. Honestly! Even when my FH's mom got remarried a few years ago when we had just started dating, and they had so few guests that I wasn't even invited as a plus one. Nothing personal, it was just a teeny tiny sweet wedding. His aunt is getting remarried soon in the courthouse with just witnesses, and no one is batting an eye.
I love your idea to have a small ceremony and then a little family get-away weekend afterwards! I think you are wise to look at the event as more of a retreat than anything wedding related. It takes off all the pressure of following all the wedding etiquette. And I wouldn't worry about people getting offended about not being invited. It isn't an extravagant party with a big guestlist.
Obviously I don't know your family dynamics AT ALL, but you may check with your kids to see if they would want to be at the "no kids" weekend retreat or if they would rather go stay at a friend's house or something. When my parents had parties with their friends (they usually got drunk and a little rowdy), my sisters and I would hide out in our rooms the whole time. It would have been better for us to have stayed with friends.
Congratulations on your engagement!
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Beginner July 2022
Leah · on February 21, 2021 at 10:30 PM
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Thank you! And definitely excellent advice! Our kids are mostly older and since it's about swimming and fun mostly I was going to allow them to each bring a friend if they wanted!
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