Timing/involvement for Long Distance Bridesmaids

You can ask them whenever. I have always been a local bridesmaid but I have been in weddings where other BM's are distance. Their only obligation is to be there the day of but you can let them know (way in advance) any parties or what not and if they can afford it they can travel to attend but it would not be a requirement. I think if they need to travel for the wedding or possible events I think it is best to tell them now. I had my bf ask me to be a bridesmaid but her hubby and she did not have a date or plan for the wedding lol. She just knew she wanted me and her other friends to be in the party.

Group chats always work. I have the same amount of time for mine and my engagement party is also in April. my bridesmaids pretty much already know who they are but I will be having there proposals at the engagement party.

I would wait until a year out to ask them so they have time to think about it and get finances in order. I wouldn't want to ask earlier than that in case relationships change.

In terms of helping out of state bridesmaids feel involved, I just talk to them on the phone like i normally would! I don't have any duties or responsibilities for the bridesmaids, just buying a dress and showing up. So they ask me how wedding planning is going and I let them know I don't need any help or want them to feel they have to do anything extra!

My husband's best man lives across the country and in order to include him in the bachelor party, my husband's bachelor party was two days prior to the wedding. He flew in the morning of the bachelor party. As for when you should ask, I would wait until closer to the wedding. I would probably ask about 8-6 months beforehand because relationships can change. I had a falling out with my maid of honor and she ended up dropping out of the wedding. We had been best friends for over 10 years so I never thought any of that would happen. I asked her to be in my wedding at 11 months out and she dropped out at 9 months. I made the mistake of looking for dresses within that time and settled on a dress she liked the best because it was the one that fit her the best and she was the hardest one to accommodate as she was way thinner than the rest of my girls and I wanted everyone in the same dress.

1.) They don’t need to feel useful. They have their own lives that will continue during your wedding planning. You can ask for their input on bridesmaids dresses and take them up on any offers to help, but I don’t think anyone agrees to being in a wedding party because they want to feel useful.
2.) You should ask 8-12 months before your wedding. Relationships change and the last thing you want is to be stuck with a bridesmaid you’ve grown apart from.

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As a BM with other long-distance BMs, was there anything you recommend to get everyone to "gel" without that face-to-face contact? All my friends are super laid back and kind, so I am not anticipating drama, but I don't want them to feel like they're interacting with strangers.

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A bachelor/bachelorette party soon beforehand makes a lot of sense and I had not thought about that, so thank you! And I'm sorry you experienced that falling out. That must have really sucked.

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I think like a PP said group messages. Honestly I met some of the bm's the day before the wedding and just us being mature adults we got along because it was the bride's day. If they are laid back that is a great start. Maybe they can introduce each other over a group message and hopefully they can meet before the big day to really get to know each other.

First question: My entire family lives overseas (Sister is in London, Parents are in Uganda, extended family is in UK). My mother and sister are flying to the states to go wedding dress shopping with me, but that's the only part of the wedding planning that they will be a part of. I'm asking all international family members to arrive a week or so ahead of the wedding, and we'll do a lot with them while there here (do some sightseeing, have a crab feast, etc). I'll spend the morning of my wedding with my family and I'll get ready with my sister and my mother. Then after the wedding I'm sticking around for 2 days before going on honeymoon in order to have brunch with everyone and make some more memories. During the planning process I'm really just sending pictures of venues as we tour them and keeping them updated on everything. Just be careful to make it clear when you want their input/opinion and when you don't. Otherwise you may end up with a lot of feedback from people who don't fully understand the big picture.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome 😊 My husband's best man is getting married next year and since his bridal party is all over the place he decided he wanted to do it right beforehand like my husband did.

Daughter's five BM's lived in five different states, spread all across the country. The two MOHs knew each other well, but lived in FL and Nebraska. Two others vaguely knew each other from going to the same HS, but their lives since haven't had any overlap. The fifth knew none of the others. Daughter asked them about a year out (earlier than recommended on WW, but she had minimal "expectations" and didn't expect any drama). Since all but one would have to travel 1500+ miles for the wedding, she had no expectation that any of them would participate and/or plan any parties or "help" with anything. I planned her shower, and unexpectedly one of the MOHs ended up flying in so only two of the five attended the shower. I invited all five of them to send me any ideas for games, etc. that they wanted me to include. I also asked them each to send daughter a letter that we'd give her at the shower. They did, and she cried at each one of them. It allowed them to be with her, even though they couldn't be here physically. We played the 'how old is the bride in all these pictures" game, but since the bride had known all the BMs for so long, I only used photos of her that included at least one BM. It was very sweet and people loved it (including daughter). Kind of the last minute it turned out one of the other out-of-state BMs flew in for Christmas with her parents a month before the wedding, so she hosted a very low-key bachelorette for daughter then. Most importantly? They were all here with her for at least 3 days the week of the wedding and that was more than enough for her! (We hosted a "sleepover" for daughter and the BMs following the Thursday RD, and then all got our nails done Friday morning. It was super fun, and reminiscent of all the sleepovers they had when they were growing up. The wedding was Saturday, so after nails Friday, everyone was free to go do their own thing until Saturday morning.) Good luck! PS -- they got their dresses from Azazie, which was awesome in general, and especially because they were spread all over.

I have 2 MOHs and 3 BMs, and they are all long distance. My wedding is 15 months away (my whole engagement is 27 months) and I am currently in the process of asking each girl as I see them with BM proposal boxes I made. Since you are having a formal engagement party, I think that would be a great time to ask them to be in your party, assuming they will all be able to come. You could pull them aside individually before or after the party, or plan a brunch with them the next day.

We are going to use Azazie for dress shopping, so I can create a showroom of styles and they can each choose theirs. They offer at home try on and custom sizing. I will likely use group text to communicate. My sister will be planning my bachelorette party and we will probably have it a few months before the wedding to space out the travel for everyone. I also considered just having my bachelorette party the same weekend as my wedding (2 nights before, not the night before!). That option would require more time off for everyone, but would reduce the number of times they would need to travel.

I have one Bridesmaid who's long-distance and she asks all the time what she can do, but there's really not much she CAN do from afar, except ooh and ah at the photos I send her. I keep a group text chat open for my three ladies and they also communicate with each other when they want to surprise me with something. I think like another person said, just talking to them like you usually do is good - wedding planning will mostly be interesting to only you!

I asked my girls about a month into my engagement, which gave them 11 months to get ready for the wedding. For my long distance one, I sent her "proposal" in the mail, and for the ones who were here, we went to lunch and I gave them theirs in person. I had high hopes they'd be all in love with wedding planning with me but most of those hopes have been dashed. And none of them have bought dresses yet or plane tickets or anything, so... my only expectation at this point is for them to show up wearing clothing of some sort. LOL.

You can ask them any time you'd like, but as others said, maybe wait a bit to see if your opinions change or if your friendships change. If people are traveling they'll definitely need at least a year's notice to save up money for travel, gifts, bachelorette, etc.