Threesome

As for my fiancé I did ask him want makes their bond so strong for his friend to be considered a non-negotiable attendant. His response is that he can always rely on this friend for a good time and this friend checks in on him weekly at minimum and he’s scared to lose him. Despite knowing my discomfort. I have no problem with this friend being involved in the bachelor party and what not they still hang out I just prefer not to be with them. Which still stands for when it comes to our wedding.

I completely understand why this might be uncomfortable for you. However, it was in the past, and needs to be left there. This is also your fiancé‘s wedding, so his desires and comfort need to be taken into account also. I would suggest compromising with him – having the friend as the best man, but having the wedding party members sit in the audience after walking down the aisle. This way, your fiancé still gets to honor his friend with the title of best man, you will still be honoring your fiancé‘s wishes, and you won’t have to see the friend while standing at the alter and reciting your vows.

Is this something that you recently learned or something you knew about but only has now affected you because you're getting married? If this is something you've known about then I don't think it's fair for his past intimacy with others to be used as a reason as to why he shouldn't have his best friend as best man. You should have ended it sooner if this is a deal breaker and for some it is, that's fine.

I would be more concerned with this section if you two were an item at the time:

"His friends fiancé when I first met them was bragging to me about how my fiancé tried to make out with her when they first met and how she rejected him. All in all just very uncomfortable."

I think it really depends. Did you know about the threesome from the beginning and now are just making something a big deal about it? Because if that's the case then it's really not fair that you're now holding it against him and trying to tell him he can't have his best friend in the wedding. But if it's something you just learned then I can understand why you are uncomfortable.

View Quoted Comment Yes this is something I recently found out about and two days after we had a housewarming party that we had been planning for over a month where this friend was invited and when he saw me he ran up and hugged me. Since it was so fresh I took a break later on setting up something privately for the party since they’d arrived a couple hours early while trying to calm down. Not angry, not sad, just overwhelmed. I grew up strictly religious which is something my partner knows and I’ve since not been as strict and am trying to sort out my own values and morals away from what I’ve been taught. Since I’ve found out about it I’ve been around that friend one other time in the course of a few months but still have emotions I need to sort out. My partner knows about it and I told him that it’s nothing about him of his choice to have one. I just feel like I now share something very vulnerable with someone that still feels like a stranger to me (his friend lives out of town so we don’t see him much). My partner and I had this conversation before becoming engaged and he said it’s something he thought I’d change my mind on.

It seems like the issue is much bigger than just this friend being in the wedding, or with just this friend period. While you admitted you are still establishing your own values and beliefs, you are realizing that you aren’t okay with your husband’s history and previous morals. I’d suggest putting any wedding plans on hold and seeking both individual and couples therapy.

Really sounds like you’d benefit from going to a therapist who focuses on couples, marriage, and sex.

View Quoted Comment Sound logic, I second this suggestion.

I am also extremely sensitive on these types of matters, and I know that this would not be okay with me either if I was in your shoes. You're not wrong for feeling this way, but your fiancee isn't wrong for wanting him in the wedding either. I agree deeply with couples therapist!

Deep seeded core values are difficult to change. I would not be ok with your scenario. I think out of respect for you, your fiancé, should be willing to prioritize your feelings as most important. I would take a LONG break from this relationship. Be true to yourself.

Oh wow I would be uncomfortable too! I feel like maybe you should go see a couples counselor first to see if you can work this out before hand. If this will bother you for the rest if your marriage then I would really think about if you want to go forward or not.