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Just Said Yes May 2020

Thoughts on underage drinking at a wedding

Emma, on October 20, 2019 at 8:55 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 34

So my wedding is having a 5 hour open bar, and my venue coordinator is saying it’s my responsibility to make sure underagers don’t drink at the event. I was surprised when she said this because I feel like it falls on the venue. It’s a private event so if they are the ones not okay with underage...
So my wedding is having a 5 hour open bar, and my venue coordinator is saying it’s my responsibility to make sure underagers don’t drink at the event. I was surprised when she said this because I feel like it falls on the venue. It’s a private event so if they are the ones not okay with underage drinkers, they should be the ones to enforce it with carding. In my opinion, I don’t mind underagers having a few drinks at my wedding. There’s hardly any minors coming to my wedding and the 6 or 7 people who are underage who are coming are family members and they’re all close to being 21 (18 and up). I’ve seen them at other weddings where they’ve drank, I obviously know their parents, and I know they’re responsible kids who won’t go too crazy, and I know most of all that their parents won’t let them go too crazy. Therefore if they drink it doesn’t bother me. What’re your thoughts on this? Is it up to the venue to enforce underage drinking or is it up to parents/the newlywed couple?

34 Comments

  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    While I do not think it is your responsibility to supervise underage drinking, I do think you should make it known to underage guests that while they may be able to drink else where your wedding is not the place to do if. Whoever is serving the alcohol should be carding, but I know you wouldn’t want your wedding to potentially be shut down due to underage drinking. Even if they are mature and know how to behave, the venue has a right to shut down the event to protect themselves and their business. It’s a tricky situation, I know. I would also make it clear to your venue that whoever is bartending has an absolute right to ID your guests, but that does not fall under your responsibilities that day.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    It is up to the hosts to see to it that underage people do not successfully get drinks with alcohol. If you overlook your responsibility, and guests produce false ID and get drinks, you, as a host who invited the people by name , and are supposed to know their ages and whether or not they can be served, will be legally responsible if anything happens. And if you overlook it, and management realizes underage people are drinking, getting by or around ID check venue does, then they can legally shut down your wedding on 5 minutes notice. Even if it is just cocktail time, they can turn you out 5 hours early, and you cannot recover one cent of what you paid for food and drink never served.

    Some states allow parents to serve their own underage children in their home. But I do not believe that is ever legal in a commercial place. Though the party is private, family cannot legally order and pass on drinks to those under age. Make a list for your vendor of all underage guests. Have guests check in by name as they enter the venue. Cooperate if the vendor wants to snap a pic of those few underage people, for bartenders and waitstaff to check. And allow drink service only "hand to hand", that is, the person orders from a bartender, or waitstaff. No one may get drinks for themselves and other people, passing on drinks.
    If you see someone underage drinking, go to them and tell them to stop, and take the drink. Or, directly tell venue staff, and ask that they take care of it. Unless perhaps you would like to start your marriage $50,000 to $250,000 in debt from costs and fines because an under age person gropes or otherwise is sexually inappropriate toward someone, or causes damage, or gets in an accident or in trouble after leaving. Their defense will be shared responsibility. If the underage person produced altered ID, or got a drink from another person, or brought their own, their bad act. But you saw them drinking, and as hosts, did not stop it. So you are equally responsible for anything that happens. The vendor needs to check ID. But you need to clearly indicate which guests cannot drink, and stop any you see. By law, host responsibility.
    My husband was raised with 13 brothers and sisters. 6 adopted after his aunt and uncle died, killed by underage guys driving away from a graduation party. Something we have in common. My grandfather, Dad's 2 brothers and one brother's wife left work, and we're hit at 6:30 in the evening by drunk kids who had stopped at a liquor store an hour earlier. I was raised with my 3 cousins, adopted when their parents died of injuries days later. Your party, your responsibility to obey the law and not help others break the law. If any of you have any professional license, know you may lose that too, in many states.
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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    I definitely think that it is the bartender's job to ensure that everyone is receiving a drink is of the legal drinking age. Most definitely.

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  • C
    May 2021
    Catherine ·
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    At weddings, a lot of people buy for under age drinkers. Then the venue gets in trouble if something happens. Just spread the word that the reception could get shut down if anyone buys for the under age

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    In Texas, the TABC bartender would be responsible. We'll have two off duty cops as security (venue requirement) but they even said, the cops are not there to monitor who it drinking. That's the bartenders job. If the bartender doesn't care, I don't either. Texas laws allow underage drinking if accompanied by their legal guardian.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    Is she saying that you may have legal responsibility, and make certain insurance coverage is there? Either by venue or your own policy? Agree with pp, use licensed bartenders, and tell them no exceptions, no underage drinking, no over-serving. If you have a wedding website, indicate that anyone appearing to be under 30 should bring ID, and that bartender has the right to stop serving at his discretion

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    People showing false ID, and older people buying drinks to pass on to people underage, is the reason hosts, not just bartenders are responsible. You as host ( or a designated family member) actually know when you see someone drinking, underage. And need to get the message out, Don't supply underage people. If you shrug and ignore it, you will pay if the venue shuts you down. And liability insurance is voided for any damage by a person underage drinking, or behaving inappropriately. You as host pay, insurance won't cover it, because it is seen as your negligence. If you can show you were passing the word, do not pass on drinks to underage people, and you give names of underage people to bar staff, and stop it when you see it, then you are seen as doing what you can, and will not be liable. Just don't let anyone get any drinks for others, for starters. People walk away from the bar with 3 drinks, you do not know who is getting them . So ban it.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would assume the bartender would be in charge of that?

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I know you said you're having bartenders, but if you're supplying all the alcohol the responsibility would still fall on you. If your bartenders are through a full service provider (they provide alcohol and bartenders) or you have to purchase alcohol directly through your venue, the responsibility should be theirs.

    Double check your contract to see if there is clarity.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    Bartenders need to check IDs, and look if they are false, Many brides will not the age of everyone there. Your cousin gets a plus one, do you know how old she is? Bartenders can and do keep an eye on this stuff

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  • E
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Emma ·
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    You don’t have to approve lol it’s not your wedding! And I’m not encouraging them to drink but I’m not going to stop them either because it is NOT my job, it’s the job of the bartenders and the kids’ parents. You can’t police everyone and it’s not your business to.
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  • C
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Caroline ·
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    I worked at venues and it was our responsibility to ask for ID.But this was 10 years ago so it might of changed.What does she expect you to do ,stand at the bar all night? Lol
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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    If you have bartenders it's their responsibility/ liability or the parent's. Not yours. I live in Ohio where, theoretically, I could waltz my 12 year old into a bar and give him a beer. As long as I was with him it wouldn't be a crime. The only time a host situation comes into play is in some states and where parental consent was not given.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Rules vary from state to state, but in general if you are self-serving alcohol (so no bartender), then the responsibility likely falls on you the hosts of the event. Depending on your contract and state, the hosts may be you (as the renters) or the venue.

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