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VIP February 2018

Thoughts on Private Wedding Vows?

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veeismeee, on April 19, 2017 at 3:41 PM

Posted in Planning 24

I started thinking about this a lot after binge watching my favorite guilty pleasure show: Jane the Virgin, after seeing how the main character and her husband exchanged vows that they wrote to each other in private before their actual wedding ceremony. Has anyone ever heard of this happening in real life/possibly planning something like this? I figure it's a nice way to have a moment between the two of us, and it could possibly help the ceremony move along a little quicker (not that I am anticipating it to be crazy long), and not to mention we're both pretty shy, and fairly private. I'm not opposed to not doing it either, so I guess I am just curious about other couples' thoughts on this.

ETA: **Please note that this will not replace the legal vows we must say- we will still be doing that in front of our friends and family, this is just for the more personalized things we would want to say to one another. We will still have a normal ceremony!**

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24 Comments

VIP October 2018
Svetlana · on April 19, 2017 at 5:34 PM
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Follow what Celia has to say regarding this, I think personally though you should share the vows you both created with your guests. Just my opinion what you are doing is not wrong at all
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Nancy Taussig · on April 19, 2017 at 6:04 PM
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You can write a letter to each other read alone before the ceremony.
You can write a letter to read to each other before the ceremony (during the first look or around a corner so you don't see each other).
During the ceremony, even nervous people can usually repeat the traditional vows after the officiant.
When I've had extremely nervous people or people not comfortable with English, I've just had them say "I do" in response to the vows asked as a question.
You have plenty of options!
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Master July 2017
lyla · on April 19, 2017 at 6:53 PM
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I think that would be fine if you think it would be more meaningful/romantic to do alone. If you don't want to lose the feel of the vows or see each other first, a letter is a great idea.

For the record, I'm one of the people who couldn't care less if people secretly get married before the wedding. I've never thought of it as lying.
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VIP February 2018
veeismeee · on April 19, 2017 at 7:02 PM
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I'm fine with either exchanging letters or speaking to one another prior to the ceremony, I think FH is the more freaked out of the two of us, so we will continue to discuss. I think once we find an officiant we will have a better idea of what we would like to do as well.

As for the secretly getting married before a planned wedding ceremony thing-- I don't know if I have misinterpreted my observations, but I don't think I have ever seen a discussion about it go well on here. I have also experienced this in my personal life within my family, and it didn't go well in those situations either. It's a personal choice, and a "know your audience" thing I suppose. My apologies to Courtnie, and my apologies to anyone who may have found offense to my generalizations.
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