Thoughts on a Honeymoon-fund Bridal Shower?

You most likely will get a lot of negative remarks from this site because asking for money (a honeyfund) is against etiquette. Just don't register and you will most likely receive cash gifts.

Also if you are not registered for "items" there should be no shower. You can however have a party thrown in your honor just no gifts. I am not registered so my MOH is hosting a Dip party (at my house lol). Everyone brings their favorite dip and recipe to give out. But since there is no registry there are no gifts expected.

Also I was recently invited to a wedding shower where the girl is not registered and they actually said "we prefer cash". Since I'm going to the wedding I will not be bringing anything to the shower other than a card. I know that may sound harsh but I'm not giving cash for both. At least a honeyfund was something.

I think it's a great idea! They'll know exactly what you want. And if they're your friends they will join in the experience with you and want to see your photos during travel. They'll know they contributed to your amazing honeymoon experience.

Some more traditional folks might have an issue with it, but as a guest I definitely wouldn't! I do like the idea of you registering for a few physical items you might need for your travels so that people have options (some people really prefer giving physical gifts over money) just make sure you still have a variety of price points. You could do things like passport holders, a camera, luggage, luggage locks, language books for the countries you want to go. Then maybe the hosts could also subtly spread by word of mouth that funds would be greatly appreciated to help you get where you want to go. I had a traditional registry and shower but still received money in a card from about 1/4 of the guests.

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OMG I am loving these ideas!! Travel books and luggage tags for various price points are brilliant. And maybe I could even register for gift cards at certain restaurants or register for air bnb gift cards. Thanks for the great ideas!

I would find it very tacky to have a bridal shower which was designed to raise money as a vacation fundraiser. Just my opinion.

IF you want cash just dont register and then hopefully that's what you receive and then you can use that money towards your honeymoon.

So heres the thing...I would think this is totally tacky and completely entitled of you to ask your guests to basically fund your vacation, which is what a honeymoon is. You don't have to have a honeymoon if you can't afford one right now, most people put them off and wait until they can.

As a guest, I'd definitely roll my eyes at this shower.

However, I think the theme is cute, and you can still plan the trip, just with the money you get from your wedding, plus money you save yourself. (Most people bring money to weddings anyhow, you don't have to ask in a semi-tacky way). You can still say you're going to Europe on your honeymoon, when you can afford it, I just wouldn't expect others to pay. Register for new luggage, luggage tags, travel items, maybe a cool jacket or neck pillow, etc. these are fun things that could be cute at your shower. My friend is having an Italian themed shower, and going to Italy on her honeymoon but she isn't asking people to fund it.

Are you registered for wedding gifts? Usually people either buy off the wedding registry for the shower, or if there isn't one, give cash. There's a good chance if you don't register, everyone will get the hint that you want cash, or they'll ask "what do you need?" and you can say "we don't need anything" which will likely prompt them to give you a card with cash in it. It's easier for them anyway, I feel like just not registering or keeping a small registry is a good compromise if you really just want cash, it doesn't outright ask but implies, which is reasonable.

I think this really depends on the type of family or friends you would be inviting. If they're chill and they understand that you can't afford a honeymoon, then there probably won't be any big issues with it. I think it's really fun and clever that you're making it a "European Travel" theme. This will probably get the guests more excited and make them feel like their donations are extra special and going towards specific activities.

Maybe bring it up to your mom and aunts just to see how they would feel about it? If people aren't interested in just giving cash they can still just buy you the travel gear that you registered for.

Also, ignore the people on this site who lose their minds whenever they honeymoon funds are mentioned

The thing is though, I really really want to go on a honeymoon and don't have the cash for it now because we are putting it all into the wedding.

Is it TOTALLY tacky if I have a "European Travel" themed bridal shower? Food and drinks from the countries I am visiting, guest can write wedding tips on postcards, I can register online for honeymoon activities and travel gear or they can give cash??

I wouldn't go to a shower to take cash. If you can't afford your own trip, what happens if your guests don't give you enough money to pay for it? Then they have bought you excursions and gear for a vacation that you aren't taking? I don't understand the concept of asking for people to pay for your vacation experiences when you can't afford the vacation unless they also pay for it?

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Well I guess it's assumed we would make enough money by the time the wedding is over. So are you saying that if you don't want household items, you don't deserve a shower? I just feel like its silly to tell someone you can only have a shower if you want household items. I mean I have everything I need in my house and i would prefer to travel.

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You don't have to ask for household items, but asking for a full European vacation for two, excursions, luggage, travel gear..... And you expect to get all of that from a bridal shower?

View Quoted Comment A shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If there is no registry and someone wants to throw you a themed party then do not call it a shower. Your theme of European foods and such is great but there should be no mention of a registry since there are no gifts expected at these types of get togethers.

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No, I expect to get some of it. I guess what im asking, since you don't like the idea, why do you feel differently about buying me a travel pillow, luggage tags, or an Air BnB giftcard than you do buying me a set of spoons and salad forks? I'm not asking to fund the ENTIRE vacation, its just a theme for a party, and the physical items are travel related.

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There is no difference in pillows or luggage. You said you cannot afford to take a vacation so you want to have a shower to get it paid for. If you have no money, why plan an international, multi country vacation? You can register for luggage tags and take a vacation you can afford without asking others to pay for it. You literally said you don't have the money for the trip because of the wedding. Every comment you have made points to your guests funding this trip.

I think this is a know your crowd situation. I wouldn't expect full funding for your honeymoon (especially a Europe trip) from a shower, though. If I were a guest and I bought you a tour in Paris and you didn't ever take the trip, I would feel a bit duped. I think a honeymoon fund could be a way to add to a trip but I don't think that should be the sole plan to pay for the trip.

That said, I don't think a honeymoon fund is inherently tacky. I mean, any registry is asking for gifts which cost money! I would have a small registry for physical gifts as well (travel-themed items like luggage tags would be perfect!) so that guests who would prefer a physical gift have an option. You also want to make sure to have smaller items on your registries (even your honeymoon fund). You could have lunch in a cafe or a champagne toast or something as a smaller item to include.

I would also recommend that you have a way to "open" these gifts and thank the guests. For any gifts we got mailed home before our shower, I printed signs with a photo of the item and the name of whoever gave the gift. Then, I rolled them up and tied them like a diploma so we could open them at our shower. Guests were really happy to be acknowledged. For your thank you's, you could take a pic of you enjoying their contribution (on the tour/at a restaurant/at the airport before the flight they helped pay for) to include with your thank you cards.

ETA: I just read your comment that said that it is not your expectation that the shower will pay for the whole trip. Kindly disregard my comments related to that, lol.

Yes, you must have worded it wrongly when you said, "The thing is though, I really really want to go on a honeymoon and don't have the cash for it."

Another thing to consider are the fees on honeymoon funds. Do a comparison, some are waaaay worse than others. I'm taking a cruise in Italy and Greece and Royal Caribbean has a honeymoon fund that they are affiliated with but I think they take a 10% fee!!!

You should also do one that lets you absorb the fee. If your guest wants to give you a $100 gift, I think it's messed up to have them charged $103 at checkout because there is a 3% fee.

We threw my sister a travel themed shower for the same reason. They could have paid for the main trip (the wedding got called off a couple weeks before it was supposed to happen, months after the shower) but people could get them extras and there were a few luxury items (like a massage chair cushion) that they registered for just to have physical items for people that prefer giving them. A lot of people brought off registry stuff for her though that they thought she needed that did not at all fit into her lifestyle (barware when she keeps a dry house for example) - but those were the people her FMIL at the time invited over her objections (because my sis had never met them and was not inviting them to the wedding). (I will admit to going off registry as well because I couldnt afford anything on it, but I bought her a selection of loose teas from a nice tea shop, knowing that she has 4-5 pitchers of iced brewed tea in her fridge at all times). The one thing we actually asked people to bring were little boarding passes I designed and printed up to include in the invites where they were asked to write down a piece of advice for married life, or a recipe, tips and tricks for family life, etc - whatever they wanted that they thought would be helpful. I decorated our great grandmother's suitcase that I generally use for decorative storage at my house for people to put them in and then we got (all the bridesmaids chipped in for but I picked out) an album that they fit in and organized them after for her.