Karen
Just Said Yes September 2019

Thoughts on a Christian wedding

Karen, on January 24, 2019 at 3:18 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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So my parents are complete Christians to the core and while I consider myself a believer in God I don’t exactly belong to a church nor do I consider myself to be religious. For the wedding I was trying to go with more of a family friend to get ordained and marry us but my mom had a fit because she says it HAS to be a pastor or it’s not valid in the eyes of the lord. But I feel uncomfortable having their pastor marry us when me nor my fiancé belong to his church. I don’t know what to do and I’m to the point where I feel like I just want to get eloped and not have a wedding at all. I’m stressed and don’t know what to do. I feel like most of the people lately keep telling what I NEED to do for the wedding and how it NEEDS to be. I’m tired of it!

20 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on January 25, 2019 at 9:11 PM
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I would stand up to your mom and tell her that her beliefs are not yours. You are an adult and capable of making your own decisions for your life.
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  • Lola
    Devoted June 2019
    Lola ·
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    My FH's family is pretty confused as to why we are not getting married in a church even though we are both border line atheists. My personal belief is that it makes no sense to have a religious ceremony if you are not religious. Your marriage is between two people and two people only, yourself and your future husband. She doesn't have to like it, but she's not going to be a part the marriage, so it will not affect her.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    You need to pick your own officiant. My fiance and I are both Christian and love our faith but we aren't having a pastor or priest marry us, and I'm pretty confident God will still think our marriage is "valid".

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  • Rachel
    Super July 2019
    Rachel ·
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    You should definitely do what you guys want for your wedding! If she doesn’t think it’s valid that’s her own personal problem! Once you decide to not care about what she thinks you’ll feel a lot less stressed out! Have the attitude of she’ll either come around or she won’t and do what you guys want.
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  • Alicia
    VIP August 2019
    Alicia ·
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    First off, remember it is YOUR wedding. If you don't feel comfortable having a certain officiant, then don't go with that officiant. Second, I'm a Christian, but saying that your marriage is only ok with Jesus if you have an ordained minister officiate is silly. No offense to your mom, cause that is definitely the old-school mentality in all religions (some don't even recognize a union if the ceremony was done outside of the church building). Are you committed to each other in good times and bad? Are you willing to make this marriage work? That's what actually matters. Good luck, it can be VERY difficult navigating these waters with extremely conservative Christians parents. I know that dilemma all too well.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    Stand up for what you want! Is your mom paying for the wedding? If so, then she gets a say and y'all might have to work out some compromises. If not, then she can't make any of the decisions.

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  • LMBT
    Dedicated April 2019
    LMBT ·
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    I am super duper Christian and I wouldn't dream of having a ceremony that didn't reflect that, but having a pastor marry you isn't what makes a wedding valid. It says that absolutely no where in the Bible. In fact, the Bible says throughout to honor the law- hence the reason that couples who are legally married before becoming Christians can't use that as an excuse to get divorced, after becoming Christian. It's STILL a valid marriage that, in the eyes of God, no man can put asunder. I hate to speak ill of someone I don't know, but it sounds like she might be worried more about appearance than actually bringing you guys to a place where you WANT Christ deeply involved in everything you do.

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  • Devoted May 2020
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    I never thought I would want a church wedding, but recently started going to church a bit more often. My grandma was very religious and it would have been important to her, so FH and I agreed to marry in the church. We don’t belong to a parish, but decided to marry at the church that merged with my childhood church/the church my parents were married in.

    Many of my friends aren’t religious, and a lot of my family typically don’t go to mass either, so we compromised by having the ceremony in a church, but not with a full mass.

    Ultimately, it’s your decision. Would you be willing to sacrifice a bit of comfort for the church wedding? Would a compromise like the one I mentioned? It’s your day, you should be happy with whatever you choose. ❤️
    • Reply
  • B
    December 2020
    Bazza ·
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    If you're old enough and mature enough to get married than you're old and mature enough to pick your officiant!

    And I'm with Lynn. Whilst I'm a Christian and would never not have a Christian wedding to say that it isn't valid in God's eyes is silly. God cares more about your vows and keeping them then the person leading the ceremony....
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  • V
    Super April 2019
    Valerie ·
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    You should get married by who you want. I would rather get married then have religion mentioned in any way shape or form.... but I also know I'm the extreme end. The ceremony especially should be about what makes you feel comfortable and leaves you with a lifetime of amazing memories.

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  • Karen
    Just Said Yes September 2019
    Karen ·
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    That’s just the thing! ... my parents are no where near involved financially.. me and my FH are the only ones involved. We want to pay for our wedding and that was our decision. I want to make her happy but this is the one thing I just can’t agree with.
    • Reply
  • Karen
    Just Said Yes September 2019
    Karen ·
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    I keep telling myself it’s MY wedding but it’s hard when all this tension is getting to me especially when it involves my mom. Growing up she was always pushing her old school Christian ways with and that always made me run the other direction. I have my beliefs but that was never good enough for mom. I do feel better knowing I’m not the only that thinks that I NEED to have a pastor is silly. I tried arguing that point with her and nothing stuck. Apparently I’m getting the cold shoulder now.. Me and my FH believe in God and trust that he will be with us throughout everything. Why can’t that just be enough??
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    My husband and I were both raised Catholic and have grown away from the church. I still pray, believe in God and all the good stuff but church is very much not a part of our lives. We decided to have a friend perform our ceremony and it was so special for us to do it that way. Our parents would have preferred we get married in a church but none of them pressured us to do so because it was our wedding and we had to do what was best for us.


    You absolutely need to get married in a way that is best for you and FH. No disrespect to your mother but she is way out of line. Not only for demanding you get married in a church when she knows it's not what you want, but also for saying that God won't recognize your marriage otherwise - that is crazy talk. God will recognize you and FH no matter where or how you get married. You have to be yourselves and not let people railroad you into having a wedding that is anything less than perfect for the two of you.

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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    Just like you respect her beliefs, she needs to do the same. Don't do something you're not comfortable with to keep someone else happy, it's not their wedding. If people are going to be disrespectful and rude about choices that don't impact them then I'd stop sharing with them
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
    • Flag

    I was in similar situation. We wanted the friend who introduced us to marry us, had already asked in and anything. My mom was trying to supportive, but after much prodding it became apparent she really didn't the idea because she felt it took away from legitimacy of the wedding. We ended up compromising, and she agreed to pay the fee for a more traditional officiant. Our good friend will do most of the ceremony including the unity ceremony and kinda mc-ing the whole thing, and the 'traditional' officiant (we're just using a service) will do the vows.

    But, that's just what we choose to do, at the end of the day it's your wedding ceremony and you need to decide what's important to you.

    You can always meet with the pastor and make a decision from there.

    • Reply
  • Lizzy
    Super October 2019
    Lizzy ·
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    I was raised Catholic, but my FH and I are not religious and I haven't been to a church in close to a decade. My mom goes to church every day and told us she didn't feel comfortable with our friends marrying us. I told her firmly that this is our wedding and we will not be doing it in a church. Her compromise was to have a blessing the night before the wedding in the chapel of her church, but that would require pre cana classes which we will not do. This may be an option for you however, especially if you consider yourself religious
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I get wanting to make them happy, but if this is truly something you can't agree with then be firm but polite, and hopefully they will come around.

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  • Candace
    Dedicated October 2021
    Candace ·
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    My best friend went through this. Her husband and his family are not at all religious, and she isn't much past believing in God. Her mother insisted on a church ceremony and therefore it was all religious - she was not happy with her ceremony in that aspect at all. Don't regret it! Explain to your mom that it would mean a lot to you if she understood your reasoning and your choice.
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    I reccommmend that you thank your mom for giving you her input but that you feel confident making your own decision. When I looked into a pastor marrying us, I thought they charged more and several required pre-marital counseling through them which I would have to pay for. I’ve been through counseling with my fiancé before. So I opted to just get an affordable officiant.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated April 2020
    Ashley ·
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    I would respectfully and lovingly have a convo with her and let her know where u stand
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