Thoughts? Not inviting out of town guests to shower

I'm in a similar situation for myself and my soon to be sister in law (brothers fiancé). My family hosting my shower up north is inviting FH family because that's just how we've always done it, one big shower for all family. I think he has an aunt and cousin making the drive which is awesome, but we included them all (aunts/girl cousins step gram). For my brother, his FW is having a shower thrown for her in Chi. We are inviting her mom, gram who's like her mom and bridal party. We're not expecting them to come, and she's told them she doesn't expect them to travel either. If they come cool, if not no biggie!

I got nothing. But where in upstate Ny ? I currently live there.

I would give them a call and say exactly what you said to us. That you don't expect them to come, but you didn't want them to feel like they were being left out. I have family on the other side of the world who I know couldn't come, and I plan to send them an invitation writing something like that.

Following. My aunts are throwing me a shower in SC. I live in FL. Two of my bridesmaids live in CA. 2 live in VA. My MOH is moving to Korea at the end of the month. The 2 in VA are my sisters and they will be in driving distance so I know I'll include them on the invite list for the shower. I don't have any expectations for the others to fly in for the shower (nor do I want them to) but I wasn't sure if I should still invite them so they feel included? So I just want to see what people think about inviting out of towners to a shower too.

I would extend an invitation to them but let them know that you do not in any way expect them to make the trip or any gifts but you didn't want to exclude them

I'd still invite them. I'm in a similar situation and will be inviting family and bridesmaids that live out of state. I don't want anyone to feel excluded.

I would still invite them. I invited my family that all lives on the opposite coast even though I don't expect them to come. One of my OOT friends did surprise me by saying she would book a flight and come so hey you never know!

Extend the invitation to them. They will likely send their regrets and a gift.

Interesting, so most people lean towards "invite them anyway".

I personally get annoyed when I get an invitation to a shower for a friend who lives 4, 5, or more hours away. The people I'm not inviting to this are all a plane ride away. There's just no reasonable way to expect them to come. So doesn't an invitation really just say "Get me another gift" rather than "I was thinking of you?"

ETA: I'm grateful to my bridesmaids for (in many cases) traveling to come to the wedding, and buying their dresses. I do not want them to feel awkward about receiving a bridal shower invitation . They might feel like they have to give a gift, even if I say I don't want one.

@Space Princess - I live near Albany.

Ohh following because my mom, sister (moh), and I were talking about this.

We were leaning towards inviting my out of town aunts, but not any cousins, but mostly because I have aunts that *might* perceive it as a slight to not be invited.

@Susan - I know exactly what you're talking about. FMIL / FSIL will be inviting the few very close aunts who I think could be offended for that reason. But I think my cousins would just be annoyed. And like I said about the bridesmaids - they're doing enough already without needing me to pile on another event that they feel like they need to respond to.

@AlmostMrs - me too! Thanks for the input...

We invited FH's mom, aunts and grandma that live out of state; we know they are not able to make it, but I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings if they saw pictures online of the shower, and I was right. My mom and sister started sending out invites for the shower, some got theirs before others. FH got numerous calls from his mom and aunts about why they were not invited; he explained that they were and the invitations should be coming soon.

@MeetTheHamiltons, this is what I"m worried about! I think I'll talk to my mom and get an idea from her of whether she thinks her other sisters might be offended...although they live in KS and GA and there's no way they would come.

I'm in the exact same situation. I did not invite people I definitely knew wouldn't come. I did not want to come off as gift grabby or make anyone think I expect them to travel twice within a month for my wedding related activities.

I personally would not be offended if I didn't get invited to a shower that was so far out of town.