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Devoted November 2019

Those who don’t rsvp but show up anyway

Rachel , on October 23, 2018 at 2:07 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6
How are y’all going to handle those who don’t rsvp but show up anyway? I told my FH that i would reach out to those a month before the wedding and if they still can’t tell me yes or no that I’m going to tell them not to show up but he said that was a little rude? I don’t think it is simply bc our catering is going to be based on a final head count

6 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel , on October 24, 2018 at 9:16 PM
  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    It's not rude at all. This is a wedding not a BBQ and you have to have your numbers down.

    Just politely tell them that if you don't hear a definitive RSVP from them by X date or time, you will put them down as a no and they will be missed.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    That particular phrasing seems a bit rude, but the concept itself isn’t. If someone has not responded by your RSVP date, you definitely need to follow up to get a concrete answer. Its best to wait a few days after the deadline (a lot of people put gem into the mail ON the deadline— I got like 8 in the mail the Monday after our Wednesday deadline), and then reach out to people to say you haven’t gotten their RSVP and wanted to see if they could make it or not. Sometimes people just forgot, lost the card, or the card got lost in the mail. Let them know you need an answer so that you can give your numbers to the caterer. Be kind about it/- many people can respond right away. If you can’t get in touch or they can’t give an answer, then go in with the firm approach. “I need an answer by X date as my numbers are due. If you can’t commit by then, we will be unable to account for you and we’ll miss you at the wedding”
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  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
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    Weddings are events in which it is imperative to RSVP. It is not rude to, after repeatedly requesting an RSVP from non-responsive guests, let them know that if you don't hear from them by XX date, you will have to put them down as a "no" due to final headcount requirements.


    If people show up that RSVP'd no, then they will not have a seat and it'll make them look super awkward.

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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    Honestly this situation is sticky,you know? For one, your guests should be able to respect deadlines. If they need reminders, that's fine, but if we're talking about like 3 weeks or 2 weeks before the wedding, you can't get a hold of them, I would try to find someone close to that person to check on them... and confirm if they will be coming or not, and let them know that if you do not hear from them, they will unfortunately be marked down as not attending. Weddings can be very expensive for some people, and you don't need that stress. Also, most caterers need to know in advance how many people are coming. If your guests cannot commit to that, there's a problem. I hope you don't deal with this issue. Your FH is kinda right, it would be rude to just outright say that, although I feel why you say that.

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  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
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    I do not think it is rude because why in the world would someone still not know if they are coming to a wedding or not? They get a save the date well in advance. It's not rocket science. Like someone else said it is not a BBQ or a Facebook event where you can click "interested". Lol uh no! I think you could rephrase how you say it though if that situation arises for you. I mean there is an rsvp date by and if people can't respect it and you can't get ahold of them, and if they do not have a good reason you can decline them and say you needed a final guest count and your contract is completed.

    Lord this would make me so mad should this happen to me!

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  • R
    Devoted November 2019
    Rachel ·
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    My mom was telling me that there will be people who don’t rsvp that will show up anyway. And I’m like well if they don’t rsvp I’m not going to have a chair or food for them to eat so they’re just going to stand there and look stupid. And that’s not a me problem bc they knew about the wedding 8 months in advance. I’m a very blunt tell you how it is person so my wording to someone who doesn’t rsvp when i reach out to them will be along the lines of “ being a law chair and eat before hand bc i won’t have space available if i don’t hear by X date. I also have zero issue with asking you to leave if you didn’t rsvp but feel the need to show up anyway
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