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September 2020

Those of you who arranged for on-site childcare/babysitting...how did it go?

Olivia, on January 4, 2020 at 2:56 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 3

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To preface: my friends' kids are adorable. But I'd prefer my wedding day to be kid-free, with no filters, music bumping, booze flowing...and uninterrupted by meltdowns. It's not even tantrums that I worry about, it's that whenever I go to weddings with small children, it seems their parents can't fully relax and be present. Understandably, they're too busy chasing after the little ones and sometimes have to leave early!

That said, we'd prefer an adults only wedding, but the most important thing is to have our dearest friends and family in attendance. Some of them have small children and live out of state (with a 3+ hour drive), so I worry that it's asking a lot for everyone to find an overnight babysitter. To make it easier, I'd like to arrange for childcare on the premises, but in a separate building (the inn rather than the reception area). With pizza and games and stuff to hopefully make it fun. To any of you who've tried this...

1) Did anyone take you up on the offer, or are parents weirded out by leaving their kids with a stranger, even if the stranger is only next door?

2) Were folks offended that their children were excluded from the ceremony and reception?

3) Is there any age that would be considered too young to be babysat? There could even be new kiddos between now and September for all I know

4) Did parents end up fetching their kids and bringing them to the wedding anyways?

The only guest I'm concerned about is my future sister-in-law. She has a 2-month old and is very vocal in her stance that no-kid weddings are "snooty and boring", and she's offended that we don't want her daughter as a flower girl (because she'll only be a year old and not really walking/talking by time of our wedding). Lastly, she's adamant that breastfeeding babies of any age cannot be separated from their mothers, so I expect she would boycott the wedding if we didn't allow for children in some capacity. Is it reasonable to ask her to leave a 1-year old with a babysitter for 4-5 hours?

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on January 4, 2020 at 5:19 PM

Dedicated April 2020
Marie · on January 4, 2020 at 3:45 PM
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I’ll start by saying I’ve been to a wedding with onsite sitters and we are actually planning for onsite sitters as well.
1) The kids room was widely used at my cousins wedding. As a parent I loved it. She had food served in the room, a magician, plenty of nannies, individual pack n plays for the small ones, and then movies played towards the end while kids curled up in their pjs. The kids room we’re planning for our wedding is the same except no magician and only two sitters. I’m not sure yet how many people will use it but I’ve hopeful that most will.
2) Yes. One of my friends said she would rather leave her kid w her parents than be separated from her kid at the wedding (my rule is that kids eat in the kids room if they’re old enough to feed themselves). But everyone else, by far, wasn’t offended and really appreciated the offer.
3) Not for my sitters. They need to know the approx ages of the kids so they could confirm how many sitters they would need and how many pack n plays would be needed. But the limit is really parent-picked. I’m assuming my cousin with a 1 month old will make the decision to come/not come and what sitter to use that is right for her and her family.
4) Yep! Lots of kids were brought out to dance during my cousin’s wedding but only after dinner and some mingling time was over. My cousin set up a schedule and emailed the schedule/details to everyone ahead of time so they knew what to expect. Check in at X time. Dance time at X time. Magician and food at X time. Kid room to get ready for bed at X time.
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Devoted September 2019
Meaghan · on January 4, 2020 at 4:23 PM
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I see you have put a lot of thought into this and you want to do right by your guests, which is a good place to come from. I am a mother and here are my thoughts.

First, breastfeeding babies should never be separated from their mother. They are literally dependent on their mother for food. As such, they are generally the exception to the rule for child free weddings.
You mentioned parents being distracted when their kids are there. The reality is parents are going to be distracted if their kids aren't there, possibly more so. Parents are also likely still going to leave early, check on kids regularly, etc. I don't think any of that changes just because the kids aren't right there.
I would personally never leave my children with anyone I didn't know and vet. I think that while some parents may take you up on the babysitter offer, many will not be comfortable with that arrangement. Likewise, it would be difficult to leave my children overnight with someone as you mentioned. None of this is to say it won't work, but it is to say that it may not reduce the issues as much as you expect.
I don't begrudge anyone their child free wedding (other than newborn/breastfeeding babies who should be the exception), but I also would be likely to decline an invitation that wasn't local and didn't include my kids.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on January 4, 2020 at 5:19 PM
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I think this is a great idea. Having a child free wedding is not a bad idea. Parents need a break sometimes too! This gives them the opportunity to enjoy the evening while having a sitter already established.

Perhaps you could hire someone that has repor. Has references, certified in CPR, maybe even has a bio! You could have a separate page on your wedding website that gave an introduction for the sitter. This may help parents feel more at ease.
Also, breastfeeding age will be a tough one. I don't think it would be wise to separate at that time. Even if your sister has a one year old, they technically still could be breastfeeding.
Andy final thoughts, you will have parents who love the idea and parents who hate being away from their child cor whatever reason. At a wedding, someone always finds a reason to complain. Do what you think needs to be done and let the guests figure out what type of evening they want to have.
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