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Savvy August 2019

This has really put me in a pickle!!

Heather, on May 26, 2019 at 8:22 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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This might be a little long and I'll try to keep it short and in order so it's not confusing, but I need some advice. Wedding wire tribe what would you do? I am getting married in August my second cousin is getting married in July. my family got our invitations in the mail recently which we all did get save-the-dates prior as well. I just found out that my brother is the only person out of my entire family that they sent invitations to did not get one.now my brother lives at home with my parents he is 36years old with a very mild disability, my grandmother who is 93 lives with my parents as well, she got a separate invitation with her name on it. I sent out my invitations and got my responses back prior to him sending out his invitations because of other reasonson why I had to,and invited my cousin and his parents and everything so everybody is invited to my wedding. When I found out that my brother didn't get invited I am furious. I really hope that it's a honest mistake or the the invite address to my parents just implies that he's going as well? They've already responded to my wedding and said that they are going. We are supposed to respond to his but it's a very informal invite. Me and my sister live out of state. my brother and the rest of my family lives in the same state as my cousin getting married. What am I supposed to do I'm furious that he didn't get an invitation and I'm praying that he wasn't purposely left out. I told my father to ask my cousins father what was going on because it's really bothering my father but he refuses. Him and my mother don't want to make things weird or awkward when it comes to my wedding. But that is my brother I am not going to go to my cousins wedding with him not being invited and I don't want him coming to my wedding now if they purposely didn't invite my brother! it's the most rudest thing I've ever heard in my life! what should I do?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on May 28, 2019 at 10:58 AM

Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on May 26, 2019 at 8:30 PM
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This would bother me so much, too! I really hope your cousin didn't intentionally snub your brother. Maybe inform your cousin that you don't plan on attending the wedding if your brother can't go. I hate when people with disabilities aren't treated kindly!
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on May 26, 2019 at 9:43 PM
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I totally understand why you are upset! I think the only way to really know is to have someone reach out and ask if your brother was invited under your parents invite. I obviously don’t know your cousin, but have they excluded him from things in the past?

The optimist in me would want to believe that either his invite got lost got lost in the mail, or that they assumed that sending the invite to your parents included him as well.
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Dedicated October 2019
Jeana · on May 26, 2019 at 9:49 PM
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Maybe they didn’t understand the etiquette rules around invitations. My parents went to the wedding of the daughter of their friend a few years ago. The daughter and I were friends as kids. My family moved away and we lost touch. My parents received a wedding invite and said her parents seemed surprised my brother and I didn’t show up. (We are both adults in our 30s and neither of us have lived at home for quite some time. My brother is married w kids!) I guess they thought we were some how included on our parents invitation. Your cousin may think that your brother is included as part of your parents invitation. Someone should call and nicely confirm. If he’s for sure not invited, I would not go. I’m a firm believer that you should have who you want at your wedding, but that is really horrible.
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Super September 2019
Selena · on May 27, 2019 at 10:10 AM
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Just ask them. Is he included on the parents invite, did he have a separate one that got lost in the mail, is he not invited? Then you know and can decide.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 27, 2019 at 10:37 AM
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I had a similar situation occur a few years ago. I elected to not attend the wedding because I thought it was incredibly rude. In your case, I would reach out to said cousin and ask them if your brother was supposed to be included in the invitation. It could have been as innocent as assuming you would all assume he was included since he lives with your parents, or they could have forgotten to send him his own invite, lost in the mail, etc. perhaps your cousin thought it wasn’t necessary to send him an invite ( sometimes it’s very unfortunate that people don’t know how to act around those who are disabled. If he isn’t invited, I wouldn’t go.
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Dedicated October 2021
Robert · on May 27, 2019 at 4:30 PM
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A less accusatory way to ask whether they meant to invite him is to imply that he is invited and see if they correct you- mention that his invite 'got lost in the post' or 'hasn't arrived yet', or maybe mention that you're outfit-shopping with him or plan to arrive together. Might come across as unsubtle but it's better than implying they meant something bad by it, especially if it *was* a mistake!
I fully agree with everyone else that if he's not invited, you should stand your ground and refuse to turn up. I really do hope it was an accident though.
Keep us updated-- it'd be a massive reassurance to figure out why this has happened!!
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Super November 2019
Kristin · on May 28, 2019 at 10:09 AM
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I would definitely ask. USPS kinda sucks sometimes. My FSIL and her college-aged daughter each were sent a separate STD to the same address, FSIL's daughter's STD arrived within days, FSIL's STD took a month.
I also sent a STD to one of FH's groomsmen and it was almost 2 months before it was returned because I accidentally left off the second word of their street.
There is probably a good chance that it's either floating around the post office and they are unaware it was never received, or that he was to be included on your parents invite (we did this with some of FH's aunts/uncles/adult cousins because his mom did not give us individual names or addresses).
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 28, 2019 at 10:58 AM
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Like everyone said the mail can be a real drag, maybe it did get lost. Also some people include the children, yes even adult children, with the parents invite, so maybe your cousin made the assumption your parents would bring your brother.
I do think your parents should reach out and just say they wanted a confirmation, they'd likely need to know that information for themselves.
Or if you'd rather do it you could mention you noticed grandma got one but brother didn't and wanted to know if they got mailed at the same time, if you phrase it more open ended your cousin will tell you their intentions.
I agree it'd be crappy not to invite him, but until you know for sure I wouldn't get too mad yet.
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