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Master October 2023

Thinking about throwing in the towel on the wedding

Cece, on August 20, 2021 at 8:58 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 17

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Hi everyone, I am a Covid bride who is thinking about just throwing in the towel, and I’m curious if anyone else is/was in this situation?

I got engaged in 2018. FH and I decided to have a 2 year engagement, and set our date in Fall of 2020. Of course that all got ruined with Covid. We postponed very early on (April 2020) to the following year (Fall 2021), because 1) we didn’t want to risk losing our date at our venue, and 2) we are planning a destination wedding in New Orleans and wanted to make sure businesses were open and running as usual so our guests could have the whole NOLA experience. Everyone told us we were crazy for postponing so early, and pushing it out so far. But, here we are…. Nearly Fall if 2021 and things are not back to normal. Because of the Delta variant, New Orleans has reinstated mask, social distancing, and limited entry mandates. We have already postponed for the second time- our wedding will now be Fall of 2022. FH and I both agreed no matter what, we will not be postponing again. But here lately, I have been contemplating whether we should just say F it and elope or have a micro-wedding in New Orleans this Fall, and just forfeit the bigger wedding we’ve been planning for 3 years now. I’m so stuck on what to do. All the excitement has pretty much gone out of the planning process. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve been planning it for so long and everything is done (literally just waiting at this point) or because we have postponed very early on both times so we have never gotten to the 1 year countdown… or if I’m just over it. Just curious what other Covid brides have done. If you decided to scrap the wedding and elope, are you glad you did it? Any regrets? For those that postponed, are you glad you waited?

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Dizzy, on September 15, 2021 at 1:42 PM

Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 20, 2021 at 9:09 AM
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I personally would just have a microwedding and call it a day. My husband and I had ours last October with only 35 guests and we loved it. We postponed our reception to this October and honestly, if I had worn my dress and utilized our bridal party we wouldn't even be having this reception.
It'll be 4 days shy of a year by the time we have our reception and at this point I am really just over it. I mean I definitely want to party, but my husband and I have decided that we are continuing with this October celebration NO MATTER WHAT. Even if its only the same 35 people that were there last year, we are still going through with it.
Speaking from experience, you definitely get out of the "wedding feel" after continuously postponing.
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on August 20, 2021 at 9:51 AM
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I feel you. I wanted to have a small (20ppl) ceremony and incorporate cultural elements. All Family and best friend is overseas so and I feel badly asking them to maybe, at some point come over for a small wedding. Financially and logistically it seems unfair. Now, I feel like just signing the papers and being done.
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Super September 2022
Sarah · on August 20, 2021 at 10:11 AM
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I would personally do the same as Yasmine. But it really depends on if a big wedding is what you dreamed of. For me, it's about marrying my love with our close family and friends. If we get to have more people, awesome, but if there are restrictions I still want to get married even if there are less people.
But a family/friend of my parents recently got married, and for the bride, she really wanted the big wedding (almost 300 guests) so they postponed a year and did an outdoor reception.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on August 20, 2021 at 11:03 AM
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Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
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Savvy July 2021
Kendra · on August 20, 2021 at 11:18 AM
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Sounds like the universe is telling you that your original plan might not be the way to go...always good to being open to thoughts when things aren't going right. I've learned to not PUSH for what I want and just let things flow as they are meant to be.
Let go of all of 'your plans' and let things just show themselves...the ideas and thoughts that follow wont steer you wrong! Good luck!!
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Super December 2020
Anais · on August 20, 2021 at 11:36 AM
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We got married in December 2020 and in September of that year made the decision that we didn’t want to postpone, we didn’t want to wait longer to get married, and we didn’t want to get our friends/family sick so we cancelled the whole wedding and did a micro wedding with 17 guests instead. I’m so happy we made that decision. It was a lot more relaxed, we just hung out with friends and our parents the whole weekend. We did a livestream for the rest of our guests which worked great.
It also took a weight off our shoulders, if we had postponed a year I would still be stressed right now wondering if it was going to happen.
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Expert July 2021
Day · on August 20, 2021 at 12:49 PM
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I can definitely see your concern and frustration. My sister is in a very similar boat since she has postponed indefinitely after postponing twice. She now has a baby and doesn’t see the possibility of having her wedding day any time soon.

In our case, my then fiancé and I wanted to have a small traditional wedding in downtown Portland. Shortly after starting to plan, COVID ravaged the country and we halted most of the planning. At the end of 2020, we decided we were going to elope rather than continue to wait to see when we could send out save the dates for our 2021 wedding. We just had our elopement last month (just us two and our dog) and it was absolutely surreal. We took a trip to a more private beach on the Oregon coast and brought along a videographer, photographer, coordinator, and our friend to officiate.
I recently posted our budget breakdown and elopement advice based off of our experience. We included lots of pictures as well! Another bride on that post is also thinking about scraping the whole traditional wedding idea for an elopement. Hope it helps in your decision-making!
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/pro-bam-5k-oregon-coast-elopement-with-our-pup/121c45fed11b9f7f.html
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Beginner November 2021
Brittany · on August 20, 2021 at 1:08 PM
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We were originally scheduled for 11/14/20. We obviously had to postpone, our venue had 11/5/21 available. So we decided to get legally married on 11/5/20 and make our reception our one year anniversary celebration/wedding. I am so glad we went ahead and got married regardless of being able to have a wedding. We did the legal thing in my parents yard with just siblings and parents, there were 12 of us total. The reception this year is so we can celebrate with everyone else, I can wear my dress, have a first dance etc. IF this variant continues to create issues we’ll just have our reception and deal with restrictions. I’m definitely not postponing again, but I find relief knowing we’re already happily married and we don’t have to keep pushing that off. Good luck!!
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Master October 2023
Cece · on August 20, 2021 at 2:51 PM
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Thanks so much!
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Expert August 2021
Ingrid · on August 20, 2021 at 7:24 PM
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Take a break from thinking about it to allow your feelings about the circumstances to calm down. If in a month you still want to hold off then do so, but if you want to get it done do it! I think you are a little overwhelmed with all of the back and forth. Once you make the decision as you approach the day you will get excited again.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on August 20, 2021 at 11:03 PM
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I could’ve written your post myself 😖. We got engaged 1/11/19 and also had a two-year engagement because we wanted the date of 10/10/20. In June 2020 we postponed to 10/30/21, thinking that a new date a year later would make a positive difference… WRONG!!!! In the spring, I was still hopeful. But, for the last few weeks, I’ve become SO completely over everything as covid numbers increase again. It’s like deja vu of 2020.

Like you, I’d rather just elope. So I contacted our hotel this week to see what our cancellation penalties would be (I’m willing to take the hit in order to avoid spending more money on a wedding where guests will likely decline). On top of everything, I began a PhD program in May and just don’t have time for the uncertainty. I’m 100% ready to elope and head off to the honeymoon (truly hoping that FH feels the same) LOL! Also, I really don’t feel like bothering with a micro-wedding. But I’m open to considering 15-20 for dinner afterward versus our 70 guest reception.
So, we’ll have to sit and make a final decision in the next few days. But postponing again is completely out of the question.
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Super October 2020
Eri · on August 21, 2021 at 10:23 AM
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We got engaged in 2018 and got married in October 2020 with about 35 people (downsized from the original 135 guest list), with no plans for a 'part 2' or re-do or anything like that, and I'm still conflicted about it.
Am I glad we got married? Of course. We kept the original venue, I wore my dress, still had flowers, etc. Despite the dramatic decrease in guest count, it was still incredibly expensive and stress-inducing, and part of me wishes we had just eloped. But the other part is so happy that my parents, sister, grandmothers and other family members and friends were able to be there.
One of the things I was most looking forward to was the reception -- dancing, the shoe game, etc., and I didn't get to experience those things since we did a dinner only. If we had had dancing, even with the smaller guest count, I think I would've been much happier, it just wasn't a risk we were going to take at the time.
If we had postponed, it would've been for 2022, and I'd probably still be holding out hope for a 'normal' wedding. But knowing what I know now, an elopement last year probably would've been our best bet.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on August 22, 2021 at 10:45 AM
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Thank you so much for all the warm advice and for sharing your personal experiences! I sat down with FH and asked him how he was feeling about everything and whether he’d rather just elope. To my surprise, he said “no way!” He’s still really excited to have the destination wedding we’ve been planning. Just seeing his excitement gave me a huge burst of my own 💕 We agreed to cut our guest list to a smaller group of people and cut out decor altogether, which was one of the more stressful aspects - having to worry about transporting everything down there and then finding a time to get it all set up. Instead, we are going to let our beautiful venue shine and our florals will be the only decorations. With all the changes we are making, it feels like we are planning a whole new wedding, which has gotten me excited to plan again! I even pulled out our wedding binder and threw everything out and am starting it from scratch! (The Uber planner in me is loooooooving this LOL) No matter what though, we have both agreed we are getting married on our date next year.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on August 23, 2021 at 1:59 AM
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Nice! Glad the excitement returned. Mine comes in spurts recently. The venue replied today and, if we cancel, we’d lose a little over $2500 with them (and money from vendor deposits). So that’s not bad since that money was gone anyway. Plus, it’s much less than the amounts remaining.

We didn’t get to chat today because it was nonstop and now he’s asleep. So tomorrow I’ll “pop the question” 😂 . However, a huge part of me is concerned that he’ll respond with excitement like your FH did. But, unlike you, I might be slightly bummed because I’ve completely set my heart and mind on eloping now😬 . If we keep moving forward as planned, I’ll totally roll with it and, surely, gain excitement the days leading up and on the wedding day. But, hopefully he’ll just agree that eloping is the best choice right now.
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Devoted September 2021
Crystal · on August 23, 2021 at 2:21 AM
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I was EXACTLY where you are about a month ago but I decided we went through enough to have this wedding (and I had paid too many deposits I couldn't get back) so we're having this hell or high-water! Now we're 3 weeks out, Washington is bringing back mask mandates and I said "fine whoever can be there can be there, but I'm not waiting any longer". IDK about anyone else but after waiting since 2018 for this I felt like our lives and future were on hold or in limbo and just tense. So after all that my best advice since you've postponed again would be elope! Make it gorgeous go to New Orleans have a blast and if you do it that way you get all the "Pinterest worthy" styled shoot looks and you get to finally be married. You can splurge on a fancy photographer if you havent already and DO IT UP RIGHT! Im certain no one could begrudge you after everything. Goodluck! and hang in there.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on September 1, 2021 at 1:22 AM
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I feel you 💯 we had a minimony in lieu of everything last year and postponed our bigger ceremony & celebration twice. It’s finally happening and as much as I am excited I am also feeling a sense of relief that it’s almost finally here. Granted I felt run down with planning fatigue and took a much needed break. Like you said…it got to a point where everything was planned, we have been just waiting for the day to come.
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Dedicated October 2021
Dizzy · on September 15, 2021 at 1:42 PM
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We are at that point, it freaking sucks!
Basically every few hours now anxiety about what we are doing. Our date is 10/23.
Main stress is problems between vaxxers (95% of guests) and anti-vaxxers (couple important people). Issues with things not being strict enough for some, or for others. Other stress is planning it to be safe (we are DIY everything, including the food/booze) and then sad that a bunch of my friends can't come due to travel restrictions (either from abroad or their doctors have advised against it for now). Some other minor to major issues too, too long stories.
It just, sucks. We had hoped at this point something like this would really bring people together and provide a day of joy.
My fiance is my first relationship (didn't meet him till late 30s) and I'm also his first long-term relationship (he's mid 40s). We knew very soon we were in it for the long haul and it was a pretty storybook/awesome first year in 2019 but then since 2020 basically it's been so.much.stress. (it started before pandemic, related to our jobs mostly). We've waited our whole life for this and at the point we don't feel joy in it anymore 95% of the time but we also don't know if anything will change if we wait? Plus it was already so hard to find a venue when we got engaged few months ago.
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