1. Day-of-Coordinator. Everyone kept telling me to get one, but the cheapest one I found in our city started at $1,500 for the day and this was just not in our budget. I'm super organized and was keeping everything under control, so I thought I could manage. What I was NOT prepared for were the big (i.e. difficult) personalities. During the rehearsal, I had my tabbed and numbered binder with all of my diagrams and plans opened on a table. I started telling the bridal party and immediate families the order and ceremony details that they needed to know and every single thing I said was questioned. Every idea and plan I had worked so hard on for the past year and a half was criticized and I was told why I was wrong and should be doing something else. Nothing was out of the ordinary and I wasn't asking for anything bizarre, but they just criticized every single little thing I said. I rode with my father to the rehearsal dinner, and even he said they were stressing him out and he couldn't believe how people were acting. After a full blown breakdown in my shower that night, I called my amazing aunt (she's run a church for decades, so she has coordinated lots of weddings). I explained that I felt prepared for the plans and everything I wanted and felt good about all of the decisions I had made, but everyone arguing with me and telling me I was wrong instead of just doing as I asked was hard. And I don't mean that I'm controlling and not open to ideas, they were just difficult personalities that had something to say every time I opened my mouth, and I was a bride the day before her wedding so it was difficult to be bombarded and ganged up on like that (these people are always difficult, it shouldn't have been a surprise). My aunt immediately reassured me that everything I planned was normal, and sometimes families just freak out the day before from their own stress. She jumped in the next day when she got into town and coordinated people for the ceremony and it went off without a hitch. So even if you don't hire a professional coordinator, find someone that is willing to be a buffer between you and any difficult people. They can keep you from having a negative interaction with your in-laws the day before (or at) your wedding, and some people will respond better to a stranger than the bride they've known for years and think they can boss around (she did everything the way I had planned it, by the way, it was just better received coming from my sassy aunt instead of my soft spoken self).
2. If you are having a bridal party, take a little control and be assertive, even if you think you don't want to. My husband (when do you get used to saying that?? haha) was in his brother's wedding several years ago, and the bride made him shave his beard. Because of this, and the dozen unflattering dresses I've worn in other peoples' weddings, I decided I wanted to be as hands free as possible in what I was asking other people to wear or do with their bodies. For my girls, I sent them a really affordable bridal website and gave them the color, the material so they would coordinate, and the length (floor length) I wanted. I told them to pick a dress that they felt was flattering and made them feel beautiful and comfortable. Also, in the weddings I've been in, I've ended up in really uncomfortable assigned shoes and earrings that made my sensitive ears break out. I would never complain of course, and always just put a smile on and did whatever the bride wanted, but I decided to do things a little differently. That was a bit of a mistake My maid of honor picked 7 inch, platform spiky sandals. They were so bad. I mean distractingly bad. Her floor length dress was at least 5 inches above the ground, and she looked unnaturally tall. I don't want to feel this way. I love her and I want to love the pictures she's in. I know at the end of the day it's all about who was with you, not what you all looked like, and I was the one who said I wanted them to choose for themselves...but the shoes are distracting and she looks very unnatural. She looks like she is on stilts and all of our bridal party photos look a little crazy. I should have known this could happen because this same friend actually asked a few weeks prior to wear a veil in the wedding...and not just any veil (which would be a crazy request regardless), A WHITE VEIL. I'd diplomatically put my foot down on that, but if I had known about the platforms, I would have bought shoes for my girls. I wanted to be all "come as you are" and "just be yourself" and "I love you just as you are", but I didn't realize that herself was going to be 7 inch platforms that made me dislike the pictures of my bridal party. There were a few other things along the way during the planning that made it seem like she thought the day was about her, so I kind of think she wore them for attention, honestly. She even joked that they were super uncomfortable and she couldn't walk in them while we were getting ready, so I'm not sure why she chose them if it wasn't to stand out. I didn't want to control people and I wanted to be an easy bride, but I realized that ultimately it really is your day and those will be pictures that you will look at for the rest of your life, while other people probably won't ever give it another thought. It's my own fault, but I do regret not taking some control over certain things like the shoes
3. RSVP's. I had several people tell me that they "might" need to leave right after the ceremony, or they "probably would need to, but we'll see". I felt a little stuck with that information. I included everyone that RSVP'd in the food count. I felt like, well if the ones that said "might" or "probably would leave" ended up staying, then there wouldn't be enough food. I was in a bit of a pickle. Every single person that said something like that did leave immediately after the ceremony. I think they were using soft language to not disappoint me or have to tell me to my face that they would leave immediately afterwards. Thing is, I was fine with them leaving after the ceremony because we all have lives and I'm not holding these people hostage for the night haha I appreciate that they wanted to be there for the ceremony!! But I wish they had been more direct instead of letting me down easy and slipping out after the ceremony. We ended up wasting over $1,000 on people that had RSVP'd, but left immediately after the ceremony and didn't eat. I wish I had asked them directly if I needed to count them in the reception head count or just the ceremony head count. I'm not totally sure what the proper etiquette is in this situation, but I think ultimately it's ruder of them to waste your money knowing that they weren't going to stay than it is to just ask them directly.
Are there any things other brides would have done differently?
