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Savvy October 2021

There are no words, but soooo many feelings!

Erin, on May 31, 2020 at 10:05 PM Posted in Community Conversations 3 13

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I am planning a wedding for 10.3.2020 with under 50 people at most! I got engaged after almost 10 years of dating in Jan 2019. I already waited 20+ months and have everything ready. I had everything except final payments in January 2020.

I definitely never thought a (insert profanity) pandemic would sweep the world. Our world changed. We must love from afar with no true end in sight. We may have to wear masks and stay 6 ft away from family and friends for another year!
I don’t want to have to wait another 15 months to get married because God knows what else could happen? However, how do you have a wedding celebration? Where you can’t hug in congratulating? Where people will have to talk from afar? How will the wedding video come out? Everyone will be in masks? I want to capture the smiles and laughter and full selves for years to cherish. My mom said think it will be remembered in generations to come. Which I get, but don’t want to accept.
I wanted the wedding to be a fun time where we could all laugh and love and live as the most important people in our lives are there with us. I want to capture dancing w my dad, dancing w my hubby, dancing or smiling with loved ones.
There are no words for how to move through all of this. However, there are so many feelings: hope, denial, anger, excitement, anxiety, sadness, hope again, anger again, disappointment, grief, and then put them all in a blender and press pulse! It is a guessing game! I do not swear, but this all has me wanting to yell THIS (insert profanity word with f) SUCKS!!!

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on June 1, 2020 at 12:14 PM

Just Said Yes March 2022
Kelley · on May 31, 2020 at 11:35 PM
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I’m also a 10-3-2020 bride and I’m struggling with the same thoughts it’s one thing to not know if we’ll even be able to have our wedding and another to think about how different and uncelebratory it may feel.
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Savvy October 2021
Erin · on June 1, 2020 at 7:00 AM
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Thank you for sharing you feel similar. It is nice to know you are not alone . It is sad that we have to feel this way...I am crossing my fingers and toes it will happen and it will be just what we needed and wanted! 💞💞💞
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on June 1, 2020 at 7:42 AM
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I’m a 10/3/20 bride as well...and just going with the flow of things. I’m glad we have some time yet for things to improve and get to some form of new normalcy. I’m hopeful that we will get to have our intimate wedding of 30, but if we have to reschedule we will. In all honesty we’ve waited this long. What’s another year?
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Savvy October 2021
Erin · on June 1, 2020 at 8:58 AM
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We are hoping too! I go with the flow, but sometimes the ugh seriously comes in! We all got this whatever it shall be
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on June 1, 2020 at 9:34 AM
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10/10 bride here...well. former 10/10 bride. We're in NYC and last week made the decision to postpone. It was very hard for me to get to the point where I realized this is the right decision for us. There's too much uncertainty right now and our parents are elderly and have health issues. Its not worth the risk.

I felt all of those emotions you're feeling. When FH first brought up the idea of postponing I was dead set against it, I was angry that we even had to think about it. Then it was disappointment, and I did have to grieve the loss of the day we had been planning. I was frustrated, you name it, I felt it. Once we finally decided I felt relief. We don't have to worry about changing the guest list or how things will go, don't have to worry if people are standing too close together especially if someone were to sneeze or cough. Now I'm feeling excited about our new date.
It sucks that we have to even think about all of this! Everything you're feeling is valid. Allow yourself to feel them. No one else understands all the emotions involved in this.
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Expert June 2020
Kelsi · on June 1, 2020 at 10:26 AM
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It's definitely a grieving process! As you navigate all these new feelings, just remember you are allowed to feel HOWEVER you want. Do not let other people dictate your feelings/decisions and always remember to do what will be best for you and your future spouse. Also, know you are not alone. There is no set way to deal with this.
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Super October 2020
Trisha · on June 1, 2020 at 11:13 AM
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Ours Is 10/17 With 60 Guests And We're Moving Forward. Although Things May Not Be Normal, Our Marriage Is The Most Important Part Of It All. We Are Staying Positive.
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Devoted February 2024
Martha · on June 1, 2020 at 11:22 AM
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This is true and beautifully phrased. In the end it comes back to what you and your FH are comfortable with doing.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 1, 2020 at 11:22 AM
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I can't imagine how that must feel
i know it might not be the ideal wedding you envision, but it will still be beautiful
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Savvy October 2021
Erin · on June 1, 2020 at 11:42 AM
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Thank you! 💓💓💓
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Savvy October 2021
Erin · on June 1, 2020 at 11:43 AM
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Very good point! Just sometimes hard to remember. Thank you
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Savvy October 2021
Erin · on June 1, 2020 at 11:45 AM
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I am trying to stay positive too! Most days I am ok, but sometimes it is harder. It will be beautiful no matter what!
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Master May 2020
Kari · on June 1, 2020 at 12:14 PM
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I agree 100%! I never had birthday parties growing up, my parents were not let in to my HS graduation (genius school couldn't do basic math and oversold tickets), and my dad died right before I finished college. I was looking forward to one event in my life where I go to celebrate something important to me and be surrounded by those I loved, and just a few months before our wedding the pandemic happened and shattered those dreams. We pushed everything back a full year, but I didn't/don't feel confident things will be better. Then mom was diagnosed with cancer just a couple weeks ago so we ended up going forward with a minimony on our original date because I didn't think I could bear losing my other parent before an important life milestone. I am so glad my husband and I are married and we had some very sweet and special moments during our minimony but overall it was stressful and not at all what I should have been. People wore masks and stood at a distance, everything felt so disorganized and rushed, and it didn't feel like a celebration at all. Honestly, I feel really disappointed.

I don't know what to tell you other than the connection between you and your partner is absolutely without a doubt the most important thing. I am so happy we got married, but I would have rather just eloped with my husband, an officiant, and photographer. It felt weird including some people at our minimony and not others, it felt weird having people there but standing at a distance. I personally feel like it was worse having people there I couldn't interact with than it would have to have just not had them there at all and just done our own thing. It felt forced and artificial, and I felt very much like it was me and my husband against the world and not us celebrating with the people we loved because everyone else didn't really feel a part of it because of all of the social distancing measures. My favorite parts of the thing were parts where it was just my husband and I - our first look, our first dance, and photos with our photographer.

This situation is awful and you can try to spin it however you want but the hashtag #loveisnotcanceled doesn't just suddenly make everything better. The fact that you love your partner doesn't make the wedding itself suddenly magical when all of the other parts are stripped away. My husband is amazing and I would choose him over and over and over again to be my partner for the rest of my days. I am glad we got married, but I don't feel like we had a wedding. Every couple is different and needs different things from their wedding experience, and for me a socially distanced wedding is just not enough.

We are still planning to do our wedding and reception with our guests and have postponed a full year, and I am hopeful our redo will be a better experience. If we aren't free to hug and dance and celebrate like we should, we will postpone again. I love that we got married now and would not change that, but I'd like to have fun at my wedding, and when I look back at all of the weddings I've been to I want to remember my own the most fondly, and that won't be possible if I can't see people's faces and hold their hands and hug them tightly and dance with them freely. Right now the day we got married was just a stressful day with some beautiful highlights. But at least we are married, I get to call the man I love my husband, and I feel a lot less stressed about when the wedding and celebration get to happen, because the marriage part is done. So if it takes 2-3 years or more for the pandemic to be under control and normal to be more like what it was and not some "new" version where we are all afraid of one another, then that's how long it will be before our wedding happens. We'll still be married in the meantime.

In your shoes, I would probably hang tight and try to remain hopeful that things will be much improved in October. If they aren't, and you want to be married, you can still do it and have the wedding later, if that feels like the best choice given the awful circumstances. If you feel like masks and social distancing is too much of a compromise for you, it probably will be. All of the "it will be memorable" comments are with the best of intentions but we remember things that make us feel sad, lonely, and disappointed also. Literally no one knows what it feels like to be you right now and no one can make a decision about your wedding but you and your partner. I'm so sorry you are going through this and wish I had better advice.
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