The wrong bridesmaids...what do I do now??

The only obligation your bridesmaids have is to purchase and wear the dress of your choosing, and show up sober to the rehearsal and to the wedding. They are not required to help you plan the wedding; they are not required to help you with wedding projects; they are not required to help you go dress shopping; they are not required to throw you any parties.

At this point, you need to manage your expectations. I assume you selected your bridesmaids because they're people you like and care about. Kicking them out is a friendship-ending/relationship-ruining move, and it's so close to your wedding that you should just be focusing on getting everything done and marrying the person you love.

Fire them and don't have a wedding party.

Your wedding is in a couple of weeks...you suck it up and deal.

As Stephanie said if you "fire" them you run the risk of ruining the friendship. Are you willing to throw away friendships just because you feel they're not pulling their weight and helping as much as you think they should be helping?

I chose my BP not for what they could or would do for me but because I love them, they're important to me and I couldn't imagine NOT having them next to me as I marry FH.

I agree with Stephanie. I'm guessing at this point they already have their dresses. You should just focus on getting through the wedding and relying on those you can.

So all the bridal books were wrong then....you can choose anybody as your bridesmaid and they only have to show up to the wedding...if they feel like it. True that you can't control anyone's actions, but authors should stop writing about wedding tradition and etiquette at this point because its not accurate.

I'll echo the pp, their only obligation to you is to show up at your wedding, wearing the dress you wanted and standing beside you. You've come this far with them, do you think they can handle that?

It's rude that they don't show up after making plans, but I guess my advice there is to stop relying on them for anything other than showing up at your wedding.

Removing them will be a friendship ending move and it won't reflect well on you at this point.

You're getting married real quickly!! Focus on that =)

First off im sorry that this close to your wedding you're having the added stress of people flaking on you. I know the feeling. As far as people saying they are supposed to just show up in the dress you pick sober thats all, I tend to disagree. Im not saying they are by any means to be at your beckon call or to bend over backwards and be your whipping girls but you picked them because you believed they would be there to support you. Not financially, but emotionally and to help in stress management. Sometimes that involves in assisting in the planning process, being an ear for ideas, adding their own, and helping (if they can) when needed. Some brides are extremely lucking to be able to A. afford a wedding planner or B. have all the time in the world to plan their wedding all themselves. I tend to lean more towards the tradition side and say yes I do say that there needs to be some sort of help on their end. At the EOD be more excited about getting married and dont let them get u down

What bridal books are you talking about?

I do want to add that I think it's really frustrating and rude that people are agreeing to show up, and then flaking without any warning. That's not okay. But I think you need to stop trying to rope them in--they'll likely flake, and it'll be LESS stressful if you don't try to rely on them. View any assistance from them as a bonus, not a given.

You pick up any how to book on weddings and they'll tell you that the MoH is this person and they do X, bridesmaids do Y, and so forth. If its not true then why give brides a false expectation? That sets a bride up for disappointment. I picked my bridesmaids because I trusted them, thought them responsible and dependable, and low drama. And I didn't tell them what dress to buy, or shoes, or hair style. They got to pick whatever flattered their body shape, made their feet happy, and was in their budget.

I mean, if I were to buy wedding books, I'd probably get the ones from Offbeat Bride and A Practical Wedding, so I think it would all depend on the book you bought.

Why set up your expectations like that? I have no idea. But you need to calm down about this. You read a book that told you that bridesmaids had certain responsibilities; you expected that your bridesmaids would do those things, and they didn't. We're trying to help you manage your stress and your expectations going forward so you can enjoy your upcoming wedding and not be as upset with your bridesmaids.

Robin, if you step back and look at the situation, your "friends" are not concerned about their friendship with you.

I also don't agree that their only obligation is to show up. In my opinion, these are their duties:

Bridesmaids

The main role of a bridesmaid is to assist the maid of honor with her wedding-planning duties especially the bridal shower and help the bride as needed. Of course, bridesmaids walk in the processional and recessional. During the reception, they mostly mingle and dance with the groomsmen and other important guests.

Maid of Honor

Before the wedding, the maid of honor's duties include coordinating the bridesmaids' activities, such as meeting for a dress fitting and organizing the bridal shower and bachelorette party. She also helps the bride and groom with any preparatory errands or tasks, like addressing the invitations and keeping records of gifts.

On the wedding day, the maid of honor helps the bride dress and accompanies her to the ceremony. She signs the marriage license as the bride's witness, arranges her veil and train during the processional and recessional, and holds her bouquet at the altar. At the reception, she dances with the best man and organizes the bridesmaids for formal pictures. Before the couple leaves for their honeymoon, she helps the bride change, and makes certain her dress and bouquet are kept safe until she returns.

It's been said on other bridesmaid venting threads but I will echo: You cannot make other people care about your wedding!! It's sad but true. If they put THAT in a bridal book nobody would buy it because nobody wants to hear the truth. Every situation is different. You will not be able to get constant support from them, but they should uphold their previously agreed engagements with you.

Bridesmaids don't have additional duties. Books are written so that you spend money on the books.

I picked the people closest to me in my life. It means something for them to stand up there with me and that's the only reason I selected them. I don't expect any free labor or parties out of it.

I selected friends who are already supportive of me. Two of the people I picked happen to be the type of people who get excited to help plan and went dress shopping with me. If they didn't want to... no worries, I would've just gone with my mom. I'm not having a shower and they are planning a fun bachelorette party for me that I'm grateful for. My other bridesmaid just told me to tell her what to wear and may or may not show up for the bachelorette party. It's the type of person she is.

My groomsman (my friend) lives 3,000 miles away and I just told him what to wear. Our other 2 groomsmen have no involvement other than they are happening to plan a bach party for my fiance.

You should write a facebook post about it, and tag them in it. Then ask them to "step down" and then put an ad on craigslist for new bridesmaids.

But for realz though. I'm sorry your friends aren't helping you when they said they would. Did they offer, then flake? Or did you ask them to and they just didn't?

@forevermylove that whole cut and paste makes me want to cry. No one is responsible for giving a bride a shower or bachelorette party. Those are both gifts.

Those are often things that bridesmaids and maid of honors WILL do out of tradition and the goodness of their hearts.

I did all of those things for my best friend. I stuffed every one of her invitations, licked them, and burn myself with wax sealing all 150 of them for like 6 hours in her kitchen as she addressed them. None of her other bridesmaids did it. I planned the shower with her mother....the other bridesmaids didn't contribute...and I wasn't even the MOH.

You'll have some friends who will stand up and help you because they are that type of person and others who won't because that's who they are.

I always thought bridesmaids were to help the bride prepare her vision for her wedding.

I found these sites of bridesmaid responsibilities:

http://weddings.about.com/cs/weddingparty/a/bridesmaid.htm

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx?MsdVisit=1

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/582365

If all they have to do is buy the dress and show up, then what's the point of having bridesmaids. Buying a dress and showing up is what guests do, so they might as well be guests.

I agree that saying all they have to do is show up is BS. It is a responsibility and if they don't want it, then they shouldn't accept it.

It does help these issues if you discuss expectations early on so it is clear before they agree.