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Aurelia
Savvy September 2020

The wedding is off

Aurelia, on August 11, 2020 at 9:53 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
I broke off my engagement this morning. My fiance said he couldn't marry me unless I changed and he wanted to set a date further away to see if I changed by then. I didn't think I could be in a conditional engagement so I ended things. Any advice about how to tell people, cancel plans, and return gifts would be much appreciated.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Rea, on August 12, 2020 at 7:45 AM
  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm so sorry! He should have received what he feels you need to change was something he didn't want to live with for the rest of his life before he proposed.
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  • E
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
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    I’m sorry this happened. You should have to change for anyone! When was your original date? Had you sent invites yet?
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I am so sorry. I think all you can do is contact the people the invitations had been sent to and let them know the wedding is off. I know it hurts today and it will for many weeks, but you made the right decision. Sending you hugs.

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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    I'm so sorry that you are going through pain. Having been following your posts, I think you're making a good decision. He's immature and cavalier about the virus. You deserve someone who loves you just the way you are.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I'm so sorry this happened! You shouldn't have to change for anyone. If you already sent Save The Dates, you could send an announcement card just stating something along the lines of, "The [name] & [name] wedding has been cancelled." You don't owe any explanations to anyone. Here is an article on steps to take to cancel a wedding: https://www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/calling-off-wedding-etiquette
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I’m sorry Smiley sad hope you are ok
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Omg I am soo sorry this happened to you. Was the wedding supposed to be next month? Have you sent our invites already?

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I'm so sorry, but agree with others that based on your past posts, it sounds like this is very much for the best -- you deserve so much more. Depending on whether invites have gone out already and the number of guests, I think there are a couple different ways you can get the word out. If there is someone, like perhaps your parents or a close friend, they might be able to help, or you can do it yourself. We have a close family friend who decided to end her engagement about 6-weeks before the ceremony date. She used FB messenger/email/text to send a very simple message that the couple had mutually decided to end their relationship and the wedding was cancelled. She also asked for some time/privacy.... I hope you have loved ones who will draw close and support you through this difficult time. Good luck! Smiley heart

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    I am so sorry. I can only imagine all the ways you may feel right now. I'm sure there's sadness and disbelief - but please know, you are SO strong. A lot of people don't have the "guts" to call it off even if they know deep down they should. It's going to be such a weight lifted off your shoulders in the long run. Be happy that you realized this now, instead of after being married. I'm wishing you the absolute best!!! Smiley heart I know you'll find someone who treats you well and never wants you to change.

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  • Katharine
    Expert July 2021
    Katharine ·
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    This! You are absolutely doing the right thing based on your prior posts, and my hat is off to you for following your instinct and calling the wedding off now. I know it hurts, but breaking off now is still better than realizing after the wedding that you should have called it off before.

    You sound like a lovely person, and I promise you that there is someone out there who will love you and respect your boundaries.

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  • Breann
    Devoted June 2020
    Breann ·
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    I've been married, divorced, and am remarried now.

    My biggest lesson from it has been this: If you aren't perfect to them, they are NOT perfect for you. And there is someone out there who thinks you are perfect, you just haven't met yet.

    Leaving is scary and takes a lot of courage. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

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  • Kodi
    Super April 2019
    Kodi ·
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    Sorry this happened!! But seems it's for the best.

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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I'm so sorry.

    No one can make you change - and someone who wants you to change for their love... doesn't really love you.

    Have a friend or close family member help you make the phone calls and start to cancel (though, really, he should help... but they never do... I would know, I've been through this. Solidarity.).

    It might be best if you deal with vendors, and have said helper start to reach out to guests. This way, you don't have to deal with prying questions.

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  • Rea
    Devoted November 2017
    Rea ·
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    Virtual hugs and take heed to the excellent advice the posters have submitted. We are here for you.
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