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Devoted October 2020

The Guilt Trip

Kaitlyn, on February 7, 2020 at 9:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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My mother and grandmother are excellent at the guilt trip. My grandmother wants me to invite her sister (who is honestly very sweet) and her husband (who my female cousins, sisters, and I have realized is kind of creepy) to the wedding. I didn’t have them on the list, it didn’t even occur to me. But now I’m hearing through the grapevine that my grandma is going to not come to our reception if I don’t invite them. Is it even normal for me to invite my great aunt to my wedding? That seems a bit too far extended for extended family. I’m mostly writing this to vent because I’ve given in to inviting them but I’m quite irritated and I’ve spent time crying over this. Which is exactly why I told my mom that grandma won. Because I feel like this is what she wanted to happen.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on February 10, 2020 at 12:51 PM

Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 7, 2020 at 10:13 PM
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Honestly, I would have waited for my grandma to bring it up. There are a lot of passive games here. But if you told your mom you’ll invite her and her hubby, I guess that’s your answer.

Weddings are an excellent time to start setting your boundaries. Get ready! I think you’ll be doing this again. Don’t answer any gossip. They can address you directly.
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Devoted October 2020
Kaitlyn · on February 7, 2020 at 10:18 PM
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Yea I’m not doing it again. My grandma is important to me and not the healthiest person, so I don’t feel like I can risk missing a moment with her. Others will not be so lucky. It’s annoying though because I asked my mom months ago if she had people she wanted me to invite and she just decided to bring up people she wanted me to invite while we were having this conversation
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Devoted May 2021
Emily · on February 7, 2020 at 10:19 PM
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I am inviting my grandparents siblings. But I am very close to all of my family.

But I agree with PP. You’re gonna have to learn to put your foot down if you don’t want to do something. I have a hard time saying no, but planning has made me learn!
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Devoted October 2020
Kaitlyn · on February 7, 2020 at 10:27 PM
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I know, I’m a people pleaser due to my anxiety. And I used to be close to them, but since high school which was oh wow like 10 years, that flew by, I’ve realized how creepy he is and that he makes us all feel uncomfortable but my grandma doesn’t understand that. And I feel like if I invite them then I have to invite their children too. Someone’s feelings are always going to be hurt. I was going to stick by it to not invite him until I heard that she said she wouldn’t come to my reception if I didn’t. I should have addressed it with her first.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on February 7, 2020 at 11:08 PM
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Definitely frustrating but you sound ready to hold your ground. 👏 ❤️
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Devoted December 2019
Samantha · on February 8, 2020 at 7:07 AM
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I did invited my great aunt and uncle (in fact my great uncle officiated for us) but I have a relationship with them. I feel you don’t have to invite anyone just because grandma or mom wants them
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 8, 2020 at 7:29 AM
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I'm sorry that this is happening. But personally at this point I would share very limited information about your wedding with your family. That way they have very little ground to try to guilt-trip you into anything. But if they do like someone else said, you need to start setting boundaries. I sincerely doubt your grandma would miss your wedding off because you didn't invite someone. Sometimes we as women. We are just all talk and had she left then that would have been something she would have had to live with not you. I wouldn't share any more wedding details. That way they can't try to tell you what to do for your big day.
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VIP September 2020
Kelsey · on February 8, 2020 at 8:41 AM
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I think it depends on everyone's individual situation. I am not inviting my great aunt on my mom's side. But I don't get along with her and neither do my parents. My grandma passed away about 3 years ago, but they weren't close either. So I'm guessing even if my grandma was with us we wouldn't be inviting my great aunt.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on February 10, 2020 at 9:55 AM
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I am inviting my grandmothers siblings because one of them works in the same industry as me and was a mentor to me throughout college but I am not inviting their children. There are too many of them and I didn't have any space on my list. My grandmother gave me grief about this AND threw a fit when I wouldn't invite her out of state best friends... who I don't know. I didn't entertain her pity party. Come, don't come, I don't care. I will not be manipulated into inviting people that I don't want or can't afford to invite to MY wedding. Don't let her push you around. It is not okay.
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Devoted October 2020
Kaitlyn · on February 10, 2020 at 11:21 AM
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Thank you Taylor! The first night I found out was kind of rough. And I know my grandma can hold a grudge, but it seems unfair to try to force me to spend my wedding day with people I don’t really want to spend my special day with.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 10, 2020 at 12:51 PM
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We invited extended family. I loved several of my great aunts and for sure would have invited them if they were still alive. Every wedding is different though.
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