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Hannah
Beginner September 2020

The extra friend.

Hannah, on January 9, 2020 at 1:37 PM Posted in Planning 0 35
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Super dilemma. I have 6 bridesmaids- 3 of which are my sisters, 2 bffs, and 1 cousin. I have another friend that I really want in pictures but can't add her as a bridesmaid. Other than a personal attendant (because I already have one), what special role would you give to her? Something that isn't "lame".

35 Comments

  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    Is there a reason you can't add her as a bridesmaid? Is she not financially able to participate or something? You could have her do a reading during the ceremony.

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  • M
    Expert January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I am also curious why you can't ask her to be a bridesmaid. But anyway, you can take pictures with anyone you want on your wedding day, no "special role" needed. A reader is really the only role to give someone not in the bridal party that is actually an honor.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen Online ·
    • Flag
    Why can’t she be a bridesmaid?


    I would be honestly insulted to be asked to be a “personal assistant”
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  • Hannah
    Beginner September 2020
    Hannah ·
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    Because I feel like 6 is already too many. And 7 is an awkward number and not symmetrical. I want her to be able to wear a dress and be apart/in pics but not necessarily all pictures. I kind of thought about having her and her husband be ushers, but he's kinda shy so I figured he would be weirded out (even though I know he would do it for me. But I don't necessarily want him in all the pics or guys pics-he's not always the greatest of humans and my fiance doesn't like him so I don't wanna force him into pics).
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  • Hannah
    Beginner September 2020
    Hannah ·
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    I've been apart of many weddings and being the personal attendant is more of an honor in my opinion. That means they want you there for everything. And I'd rather be apart of everything than just paying money to look pretty I guess.
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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
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    If you want her to be a part of your wedding day, I would add her regardless of symmetry or "awkward numbers". Your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest, those you couldn't imagine not having by your side on your wedding day. People have uneven parties all the time, I'll have 3 on my side and FH will have 2 on his.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
    • Flag

    If you want her in some, but "not all pics", then maybe just ask her to wear a certain color (if that matters to you), because you want her to be in some of your pictures. She doesn't necessarily have to be in the wedding party to participate in some pictures.

    I agree with PPs that numbers/sides don't have to be even, and if you really want her to be a bridesmaid, you should just ask her. 7 is actually a lucky number!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Why can't she be a BM? I've been to more weddings with uneven bridal parties than even ones. We had 19 people in our wedding party - it looked fine. I think it would be weird to add her in pictures so I'd just take a separate picture with her later.

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  • Hannah
    Beginner September 2020
    Hannah ·
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    That's the plan as far as colors go. The bridesmaids are going to wear burgundy and then her and 2 others would be wearing a blush color. The "other 2" already have their roles of personal attendant and day coordinator/go to person. I just figured guys dress up as ushers so she could too. But then the husband issue... just conflicted.
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  • M
    Expert January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I was afraid that was the reason you can't ask her. Please, please reconsider this. Symmetry is not a valid reason for excluding someone you care about. Nor should you ask someone to spend money on a special dress of your choosing unless they are a real part of the wedding party.


    I really think you are better off letting her wear what she wants and including her in some pictures. She doesn't need to match to be in photos. Being an honored guest and a lovely way to attend a friend's wedding.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen Online ·
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    Does she still get to stand with you in the ceremony and be in your photos??


    It sounds like youre hiring a servant more than honoring a friend.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I agree with this. Being in the bridal party is an honor, being a day of coordinator or a personal attendant is a paid position. These people, in addition to ushers, don't take bridal party pictures anyway. Just take a picture with your friend, she doesn't need a role in the wedding.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    This just sounds like you're setting up a separate class of bridesmaids. Like "You're not important enough to me to have you as a bridesmaid, but I still want you to have the expense (buying a dress) of being one." If she's not important enough to you to be a bridesmaid, I'd just skip giving her a title. You can still include her in photos.

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  • Hannah
    Beginner September 2020
    Hannah ·
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    The other 2 were like " WE WILL TOTALLY DO ANYTHING YOU WANT US TO! WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO WEAR?" AND this one waz like "I KNOW YOU HAVE A MILLION SISTERS SO IT'S OK IF IM NOT IN YOUR WEDDING" but I still feel like she has to be apart somehow🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️
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  • Andrea
    Master October 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    I suppose you could just take photos with her on the side, and not even bother assigning her to a "role". I think I'd prefer being a guest than being told to be a personal attendant, to be honest. It's really your call!Smiley smile

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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
    • Flag

    She should just be a guest and wear what she wants to. She can still be in some pictures. That way she's not made to feel like a second class bridesmaid just because of symmetry.

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  • Ashley
    Expert October 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    So I'm only having 2 in my party, and theres 2 girls that I've been close with for a long time. I'm not specifically given them a role, but I am inviting them to be with me as much as they want. Night before, getting ready etc. They'll get the perks without the extra costs lol

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    • Flag
    Uneven sides are more common now and look more natural since it is unlikely that you and your partner have the exact same number of friends and close family members. I agree with other PPs that you should have her be a BM and that personal attendants and DOCs are paid positions and are not honoring your relationships.
    • Reply
  • Kaitlin
    Dedicated October 2020
    Kaitlin ·
    • Flag
    I have a friend that i was going to ask to be in my wedding but she got engaged around the same time so i know it’s a lot when you’re planning a wedding and have to be in one!
    i invited her to sleepover with the bridal party the night before and to get ready with us in the bridal sweet the day of the wedding!

    • Reply
  • Kendra
    Devoted August 2020
    Kendra ·
    • Flag

    Personal Assistant doesn't have to be as bad as it sounds. My SIL had two girls that weren't in the Bridal Party but stayed with her, helped her with everything, got her coffee, etc. I honestly think they spent more time with her than we did. As a Bridesmaid, I still had things I had to do to get ready so I couldn't help my SIL as much (get my hair done, do my makeup, help my younger sisters get dressed) so they were able to be her hands when she was getting her hair done. I think they loved it because they felt and were super important without having to worry about all the other stuff. They got tons of pictures too with just her. They were also involved in every single pre-wedding activity.


    That being said, for my wedding, we are having my FH's daughter be our "junior bridesmaid". She's only 8 but I don't want her to feel less than my sisters if she was a Flower Girl. We will have an uneven number and I'm quite happy about it. FH doesn't have a ton of friends and I have a lot of sisters so we have to make it work.


    I think there are options regardless of which direction you want to go!

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