I've posted about parts of this situation before, but it's really spiraling out of control and I'd appreciate any feedback at all!
My fiance's family grew up being best friends with another family. I was told this as soon as we started dating and met two of the kids, but they definitely did not like me right off the bat (we have somewhat different lifestyles but not anything drastic - we're just into different hobbies) and now don't make much of an effort to reach out to my finace. I will say that while we didn't click, I just thought they didn't care to get to know me and didn't think there were any issues; I still tried to be friendly.
A short while later, one of the siblings (there are three) got married and invited only my boyfriend. We had been dating for quite a bit at that time, and it was a destination wedding. They basically reached out and specifically said that I was not invited without really giving a reason; others in similar situations got plus-ones. He went anyways, which caused pretty big issues between us which have now been resolved.
This was years ago, and we've only seen them a few times since then in large groups. They went out of their way to avoid me (all three siblings). We're definitely not close enough where we would ever have them over for dinner or see them one-on-one. Some time ago, my fiance tried to set that up a few times, and they never really responded, so we don't see them.
My fiance's family does not see this family often at all due to growing apart, life, moving, etc., but still consider them close family friends from the past.
We're finalizing our guest list this weekend for our wedding early next year (January 2021) and this has been an ongoing issue. If you asked my fiance a year ago, he would have been adamant that they were invited, but he now feels differently since they have rejected all opportunities to hangout with both of us and have (rarely) invited only him to places. I feel pretty strongly about them not being there on our wedding day, as it's something that makes me physically sick to think about, but I also want to be able to come to a conclusion that both me and my finace are really okay with before making any concrete decision.
To complicate it further, I think his family would be shocked and horrified if they're not invited and would not stop to consider whether or not the two of us really have any contact with them ever. We are paying for the full wedding. We are inviting other past friends from other circles (high school, college, etc.) but these are friends that we still see when possible and who we would definitely have over for dinner or host in our home in any capacity.
I just don't see the point of inviting people who have been blatantly rude and disrespectful towards our relationship. Most of it is non-verbal, which makes it more difficult, but it's pretty clear that they're not interested in having any type of relationship with us, so why should they be at our wedding? I'm not inviting any friends (childhood or otherwise) who I've grown apart from to this extent.
I will say that my finace is still slightly hung up on the fact that they were all best friends who grew up together (he used to be close with the parents even) and I get it, but is that enough of a reason for me to suck it up and invite them to make him happy? It's his day too and I don't want to control this. Is it bad etiquette to not invite them? Or bad etiquette towards his family? This is kind of an etiquette issue but also kind of a family/relationship issue. I'd love any input at all - sorry for the rant in advance!
