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June2020
Dedicated June 2020

The big walk to the altar

June2020, on March 14, 2019 at 12:03 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 44
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I'm getting married June 2020...

I will be 37 at that time

Groom's first marriage

My second marriage

(However this is my first time getting to wear a dress, walking the aisle and having a reception ETC as my first marriage was a shame ... groom didn't even want to kiss me at the court house was more of a control thing... I was a stupid teenager)

Groom wants to make his first and only marriage/wedding to be very traditional and give me everything that i missed out on the first time around .... Smiley heart

Upon discussion of the ceremony I ran into an issue that we both disagree on.....

He wants my Biological father to walk me down the aisle .... because he thinks he is a cool dude and met him multiple times

I want the man I called dad from the time i was born to walk me down the aisle. .. he has only met him once in person

Long story short my mom moved to another state when she was prego with me and married the man i called dad before i was born. I was not told my DAD was not my dad until i was about 10 years old after her and my DAD divorced ( devastation). I'm still his baby girl to this day.

Both men are in my life now.

My DAD is living in another state about to move back here to Michigan this year.

My biological father visits periodically but i still feel awkward around him after all these years. I do not call my biological father dad as i feel its disrespectful to my DAD. ( but he will introduce himself as my dad)

My kids call both of them PAPA- ( Insert first name)

Both men are referred to as my dad by family and friends depending on who know who.. often times my reply is which one? lol


My Fiance insist that my biological father walk me down the aisle only.

Honestly i'm not comfortable with that.

I feel it will hurt my Dads feelings. So i tried to suggest that both of them walk me down... that got shot down. I suggested one walk me half way and the other the second half.. that got shot down. now my mom wants to shoot both of them down and wants to walk me down herself because she raised me ... both me and fiance shot that one down..... its just a big issue i need help solving.... my next option is walking alone and honestly i can picture that more then anything,.... but finance insts its tradition and he wants my biological father to walk me


Opinions.....



44 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on March 18, 2019 at 9:21 AM
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    My opinion is that, although I am sure your FH has good intentions, it is not his place to make this decision for you. YOU are the only one that should be making this decision. You can always have both of them walk you, or have one walk and give the other the dance. Your FH just needs to get on board with that.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Dedicated May 2019
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    I feel like if your FH insists on someone walking you down the aisle he needs to be more open to what you’re comfortable with. I think both of them walking you be a good idea, assuming there isn’t bad blood and they won’t cause a scene, or doing half and half would work too. Maybe try to explain to FH that you’re trying to work this out the best you can and he may need to cave a little on this one. It’s a big moment and you need to feel confident and happy with who walks you down the aisle, not second guessing or wishing you did it differently since you won’t get another chance to do this. I hope you guys can come to a solution ❤️😊
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree. It seems like you want your DAD only to walk you down the aisle and after reading your story, I agree. Stick to your guns. Your dad will be walking you down the aisle, so I don't understand why your FH thinks that is going against tradition.

    • Reply
  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
    • Flag
    Agree with pp. This is one of the parts of the wedding that you solely get to decide. Choose your DAD, because that's what you want, or walk alone because that's what you picture most.
    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    That is NOT his choice. Yours and yours alone. The fact that he is trying to push that choice on you throws up a red flag.


    you could chose to walk with the mailman and that should be okay with him, because that moment is yours.

    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    VIP June 2019
    Alexandra ·
    • Flag
    Yes to all of the above. YOU, and you alone, get to choose who walks you down the aisle.
    • Reply
  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
    • Flag

    I think it's up to you on who walks you down the aisle. Why is it such a big issue with him of who walks you down the aisle? Just because he's met and likes your bio-dad doesn't mean you feel close enough to him for him to walk you down the aisle alone. How would it make your DAD feel - the one who has been by your side since birth? You have choices at least!

    Bio-Dad only

    DAD only

    Bio and DAD together

    Neither - walk alone

    • Reply
  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
    • Flag
    It is not your FH place to insist on this. Who walks you down the aisle is your decision & has nothing to do with who your FH thinks is “a cool dude”. I would have an issue with my FH insisting on me doing something that has little to do with him, after I explained that I am uncomfortable with it. Does he care more about silly tradition than your feelings?
    • Reply
  • Nichole
    Dedicated August 2019
    Nichole ·
    • Flag
    Both should walk you down the isle or the one that raised you. On this I believe this is your choice not his.
    • Reply
  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree completely with this.
    • Reply
  • Monica
    Dedicated April 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    This talk is not as simple as MIL or MOB wanting something. This is the groom/fh that is making this request, and his opinion matters too. It's not as easy as saying it's my wedding i want what i want. Ultimately it is your decision, but out of respect for your fh this is something you should talk to him about to get him to understand. That while tradition is the birth father, that traditions change with the times. That tradition was made long ago when people didn't get divorced or have children out of wedlock. This is the time for new traditions, to help build your family. He needs to understand how important both men are, that you want then both to be part of your special day, and that this decision is one that will linger for the rest of your lives. Choosing one over the other could lead to long term resentment. Getting married is suppose to join families, not tear them apart.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    So I think whoever you can dad you walk with. Its your choice not his. I am also getting married June 2020! I have a stepdad who I have introduced as my dad and called my dad since the beginning. My parents got divorced when I was very young and my mom and my stepdad have been married for 16 years now. My bio father had been in and out of my life for a very long time and has a whole other family and pretty much doesn't care about me unless he feels like he wants to at that point in time. My FH and I have been together for over 10 years and he has only met bio father maybe 5 times. FH "did the right thing" as tradition goes and asked bio father and stepdad (and mom Smiley smile ) if he could marry me but I will not walk with bio dad down the aisle. Actually he is'int even invited to the wedding. Harsh I know but I have not talked to him in over a year now and the only reason it hasnt been more then a year is because he reached out to ask what my brothers phone number was (eye roll) then never answered my texts back. At this point I have tried so many times and am over it. I am walking with my stepDAD and that's that. I've also considered having FFIL walk me from the barn to the aisle where I will meet my stepdad (because he has also been like a dad to me for the last 10 years and he has no daughters, kinda want to give him somewhat of that experience) but not sure yet.

    Walk with your dad or by yourself, that's going to make your day the happiest.

    • Reply
  • Nelyb29
    Beginner July 2019
    Nelyb29 ·
    • Flag
    Hi! I completely understand. I suggest you walk with both fathers. This honors your husband’s wish and resoects your DAD
    • Reply
  • Haaley
    Expert December 2019
    Haaley ·
    • Flag
    Walk with both.
    Walk with one.
    It is your choice and no one else gets to pick. Including fiance.
    • Reply
  • Kylee
    Dedicated June 2019
    Kylee ·
    • Flag
    Could they both walk you down the isle? I think that would be great, but it’s your choice!!
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    I think you should have the nonbiological dad walk you and have a discussion with your fiancé about how you feel it would be disrespectful not to have him do it and most importantly that you are not comfortable with your biological father doing it. It will be a tough convo to have but I think it is for the best
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    This is your decision to make, not your future husband's. You stay out of things between him and his parents, brothers, or sisters, unless they are seriously threatening or causing problems to you. And He stays out of your relationship with with your Dad, mom, any step parent and brothers and sisters, unless they are doing serious wrong to you. Now, and when you are married, each of you must respect the fact that you control only joint things as a couple, and many areas will belong to one, not both, of you. And the other shows their respect by not insisting on controlling the other or steam rollering over the others rightful decisions. And 😊 you marry at an ALTAR. ( that is not where one of you is " altered", which for males usually means when their testicles are cut off.) Easy to remember when you think of it that way. 😊
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Fiancé needs to step BACK. This is a super personal decision that only YOU can make. He does not get to decide who fills the Dad roll in your heart and he does not get to force a non cookie cutter family into his cookie cutter image of how a wedding should be— it’s just not how life works.

    Follow your heart. Sounds like to you maybe both or none is good. This is 100% your call to me.

    for my wedding, it was super important to me to walk with both my parents (they both raised me they both deserve the honor, in my eyes). I told my FH that —didn’t “ask”!! He was super supportive.

    1000% do not cave and do the thing your fiancé wants if it makes you uncomfortable.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Note: It is worth recognizing that bio dad is in your life now, and asking him to give one of the 2 minute speeches and toast to your lifelong happiness, at the beginning of your reception dinner. That is a joint choice.
    • Reply
  • W
    Dedicated March 2019
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    I would do both dad's. I would have bio dad walk me in, to the step dad, and the step dad walk me up to the front. One signifies creating you and the signifies raising you.
    • Reply

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