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Just Said Yes October 2024

The Best Man is not the best… okay he’s the worst

Rachel, on October 2, 2023 at 2:22 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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My fiancé and I are getting married in a year. We’ve been slowly getting the wedding party proposal gift ready for when everyone is back home for the holidays.
The gentleman who is being (somehow) considered best man is horrendous. I hate that word but brace yourself.
From day 1 he has continually asked my now fiancé to help him wheel females and talk to the friends in the bars/every situation. My fiancé declines and always has.This gentleman is not that, and I could use many words but they would be flagged as unsafe.He was a terrible boyfriend in the last relationship and continues to act up. If he was one of my girl friends there would have been an ultimatum and told to delete my number.Now, every time he is drinking he is calling me names that would be flagged and he does it for no reason. I could be talking to someone else in a good convo and he’ll just spew out words and profanities at me.My fiancé is still considering him for best man due to it being his oldest friend. Somehow he’s under the impression it needs to be that instead of someone who has been the most supportive of your new relationship and now life partner. Which is every other guy he’s friends with.How do I get this person away from us? It’s not healthy and I’m tired of hearing oh it’s just how he is… that’s not an excuse folks.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Peyton, on October 2, 2023 at 11:29 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on October 2, 2023 at 8:59 AM
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Honestly I think you have an even bigger issue than this guy being the best man. Why does your FH continue to be friends with someone who treats him (and you) with such disrespect? Why does he not stand up for you when this friend verbally attacks you?

"It's just how he is" is fine but your FH needs to set some major boundaries with this friend, up to and possibly including ending the friendship. If he isn't willing to do that, this friend will continue to cause issues.
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Dedicated June 2018
Rae · on October 2, 2023 at 9:11 AM
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The length of a friendship does not equate to the quality of friendship and remaining friends with someone just because you've known them forever really isn't a good reason to be friends with someone.
Forget him being best man, why does your fiance tolerate him speaking to and treating you the way he does? That is completely unacceptable. I wouldn't feel comfortable having someone like this in my life, let alone standing next to my husband on our wedding day.
Have you asked your FH about this? How does he react when this happens?
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 2, 2023 at 9:31 AM
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It sounds like your fiance isn't willing to stand up for you to this person despite knowing how hurtful his friend's behavior is towards you. This would really make me question this relationship. If my husband's friends were badmouthing me, there's no way my husband would just stand there and continue to let them treat me poorly. It wouldn't matter how long they have been friends or what have you. It sounds like your fiance is choosing to ignore his friends actions and will not address the behavior. Therefore this is an issue that until it is address I wouldn't continue wedding planning. Your fiance needs to learn how to stand up for you and create boundaries. If he doesn't, his friend and anyone else is going to continue to treat you poorly and he will do nothing about it.
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CM · on October 2, 2023 at 10:02 AM
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I totally agree that the real problem here is your FI. I’d think twice and then think again about marrying someone who not only wanted a best man who spewed profanities at me but who did not end the relationship on that basis.
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Super January 2024
Andrea · on October 2, 2023 at 1:14 PM
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I disagree that the Best Man (or MoH) needs to be the person most supportive of your relationship. It’s totally fine to choose your best friend even if someone else has been more supportive.

But that’s not the real problem here. The problem is that your fiancé continues to be friends with someone who randomly comes up to you and starts spewing insults. That’s several big steps beyond not supportive of the relationship! Leave Best Man out of the conversation and have a frank conversation with your fiancé about how terrible it makes you feel to be treated the way this guy does. He doesn’t ever have to like you to keep being your fiancé’s friend, but he needs to show some basic respect.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on October 2, 2023 at 3:45 PM
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You have a FI problem. I'm not sure why he's ok with his friend treating you that way. He must be ok with it though or else he would say something. That's worrying.
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Devoted April 2023
Peyton · on October 2, 2023 at 11:29 PM
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I hate to chime in with the same thing everyone else has said…but your fiance is the problem. My dad has never ever been supportive of my mom. If your fiance doesn’t protect you now, he never will. Also, he will possibly begin treating you poorly because he obviously thinks that it is acceptable. Please take the advice of people who can see this situation for what it is— that is, toxic.
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