The Ask

I feel like most of my girls knew I would ask. However, there were a few out of town that I pre asked just to make sure😊 I also got them gifts.

I had separate conversations in passing beforehand with my girls. It wasn’t a “hey, will you be my bridesmaid?” Type of conversation. But, “if I ever got married” type of ask.

In the end it’s all up to you, I would rather be surprised right away. I made a box and gave it to my girls some of them already knew that they were going to be in it so it wasn’t a surprise for most but it still turned out good!

I think it depends on the person. I’m having four. Two of them I asked beforehand, and two I didn’t. The two that I asked before I popped the question were because a) going through a divorce and b) lived in another country. I don’t want to force them to say yes If they felt they really couldn’t. The other two I assumed would be okay with just popping the question!

I didn't pre-ask, but I knew they would all say yes. Two are my older sisters, the other is FSIL. But yes, I completely agree with asking ahead of time if you're unsure because a big gift would definitely make someone hesitant on saying no if they really wanted to! I also didn't do something super extravagant, I gave them these with their favorite bottle of wine inside along with a handwritten paragraph about how much they mean to me on the back of these cards

Four of my five bridesmaids were "pre-asked" because they have known for a long time they would be bridesmaids. My sister, high school best friend, college best friend, and FSIL are the four and it's been coming up in conversation for years before I even got engaged! The fifth one is my middle school best friend, and while I think she's expecting it, we have not actually talked about it so I decided to let that be my one surprise ask (she just got back from a year long trip overseas). I'm still doing proposal boxes for everyone because I think it's fun!

I didn’t have a chance to surprise ask anyone.

Everyone presumed that they were in my Wedding party. Then I had to replace 2. One was getting Married 2 weeks before me. We both decided that it wasn’t possible to be in another 👰’s Wedding while planning your own.

The other one stopped talking to me. She was always “too busy” to do what I needed her to do (one being pick a 👗) because she was desperately trying to get Married before the other 👰👰. She had been engaged for YEARS before us.

I didn’t invite her, blocked her, and don’t regret either.

There’s a lot more to it, these are just the highlights.

I wound up having to ask via text and fb messenger because the first bridesmaid I asked started trying to plan the Bachelorette party immediately and started reaching out to the people I told her I was going to ask to be in my party. So.... They didn't get a cute invite lol

I pre asked but that’s just because I couldn’t wait. I’m waiting to send out my proposal boxes just because my MOH is getting married in June and I don’t want to steal her thunder or anything.

My girls and I talked about it beforehand. Most already figured they were being asked though. Then I gave them cute gifts as a proposal a month or so later. They were all surprised and excited for those.

I think that's a good idea. I just told mine ahahh or asked a long time ago before I ever even got engaged

All but one of my girls knew I was going to ask them For the one that didn't know she was going to be asked I actually asked her husband just to make sure that I wouldn't be making a fool of myself by asking her haha. We had pretty much just gotten to know each other (her and her husband got married a couple years ago and we're close with her husband but I was still getting to know her at the time) and I didn't want to put her in a position where she didn't want to be involved haha.

I just asked my girls and nothing else because that's our style. However, I really like the idea of taking them out to eat and giving boxes then! I also think it's a great idea how you're going to make sure they want to be a BM first beforehand. This way they won't feel pressured by an elaborate proposal

I didn't pre-ask any of them. I feel like they all knew I was going to ask them and I know all my girls well enough so I didn't see the point of pre-asking. I wanted to keep it a surprise. If you are not sure of some of them or their financial situation then yes for sure ask them before hand.

I knew my ladies would say yes so I didn't pre-ask, but honestly I didn't know much about weddings when I first got engaged and had no clue it was such a big deal to ask someone to be a bridesmaid. I knew they'd be helping a lot but didn't think about the financial commitment. If I had it to do over again I'd definitely be mindful about that. I think it's wonderful you're thinking about them and being so considerate!

I invited two of them out, along with my mom, to go look at wedding dresses and for lunch. Then I popped the question by handing them these cute little homemade cards. The third bridesmaid lives out of state so I had to send hers in the mail. Of course, they said yes, but if they'd said no I would have been crushed so I totally understand your hesitation.

I really wanted to do little care packages but didn't have the money at the time. Instead, they're getting gift bags as their thank yous and they're going to be filled with all sorts of swag. I'm so excited to give them their new gifts-- I can hardly wait! When my SIL asked me a few years ago, she gave me a Tiffany box and inside was a Ring Pop with a note that said, "Now it's MY turn to Pop the question." It was soooo cute and super unexpected.

Don't just send a cute text massage, and don't start with a proposal box, which does put pressure on people. Do have a private talk with each person, in person or over the phone, or in a letter, regular or email. Bring up the date , the location, what transportation or lodgings are likely to cost if required for that location. Talk about what BM can afford to spend for a dress, any time commitment you expect beyond a few hours, a couple times, for shower or bachelorettes, rehearsal or rehearsal dinner.
Keep in mind that only BM or MOH who volunteer to do showers, do them. Not assumed. People cannot give you an honest answer about whether or not they have the time, money, or interest in being your bridesmaid, if you do not talk about it up front. Read these boards. A huge amount of the bridal party drama occurs because the bides, and their attendants, have different expectations, not discussed when they were asked. Person to person, giving them the respect t you show your friends do and family, because that is who they usually are, and you do not want to end up fighting a out things that could have been settled before you start. Also, keep in mind that BM dresses are purchased around 4 months out, because they come in 2 weeks to 10 weeks after ordering. So there is absolutely nothing a bridal party member must do before 6 month. So most brides, after their weddings, say bridesmaids should be chosen at 9 months or less, to prevent problems. Newly engaged people often ask their bridal party 9 months to 2 years out, way to early, and frequently find it was too early. Friendships change, people get engaged and choose their own weddings near yours, or get pregnant, go broke, move, join the army. So wait, not too early.

Outside of being an unnecessary fad, I agree that presenting a “proposal box” can lead to a pressured “Yes”. But if you still want to do something, I agree that you can ask them via phone (not text) and follow up with a small thank you gift or take them all to lunch together.

When most of girls congratulated me I asked if they wanted to be a bridesmaid. I sat up our first meeting to be November 23rd to give them cute little wine bottles that ask will you be my bridesmaids. We're meeting at a restaurant and I'll be buying lunch. We'll also go over prices of dresses and so on.

I pre-asked because i was getting them personalized gifts