Thank yous

Yes, you would definitely send a thank you. On the card, you would simply write something to the effect of thank you for traveling so far to celebrate our marriage. As you said, gifts are not a given. And that is especially true with destination weddings! Guests spend significantly more money just to attend your wedding, and usually spend a lot more time with the couple (welcome parties, farewell brunches, weekend events, etc.) where they express their excitement and gratitude to the couple- so really a card expressing the same sentiments is a bit redundant. The guests have not committed any sort of faux pas, so you definitely don’t want to either! Send a card :-)

I was brought up to only give thank-you's to those who brought gifts.

That being said. It takes an additional 5 minutes to write two thank yous for coming. since they potentially took off work, paid for flights and a multiday hotel just to be there for your wedding

Cards are one of those topics where it's not as black and white. Some people just don't do cards because they think they're wasteful. Some don't because it highlights the fact they didn't give you a gift. Others just forget and some were not brought up the same way you were.

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These two couples didn't participate in ANY of the 2 additional events we had for the weekend. They flew in Friday and left Sunday. Sorry, I'm bitter and I know it. I will choke out a thank you.

View Quoted Comment “Choke out a thank you” 😆😆
You got this girl! 🤘🏻

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Well, they DID pay for flights, but stayed with the drama cousin (from previous posts) and used his car, so no huge outlay of money. And as I responded, they flew in Friday and out Sunday, so no time off work either. I know, I know, I am petty and bitter LOL I hate hate seeing my hubby hurt, and this did. Hell, even his ex-wife (who we all get along with) gave us a little congratulations card! <and it was a 3 hour trip with hotel fees for her> Thanks for your input.

A destination wedding by definition is a wedding that is local to neither family or the couple themselves. If it had been a true DW, then you would write a note, but simply having a wedding that some have to travel to attend is not in that category. The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending. So no note.


There’s no entitlement to gifts on your part, which incidentally can properly be sent within a year. It’s possible these couples are temporarily strapped for cash due to the expense of travel,
That said, technically grom the guest’s POV the cost of travel is considered to be related to the ability to attend, not a gift. A gift is very customary within ones means but not strictly obligatory according to traditional etiquette, though most current sources say otherwise,
You’re a bit misguided as far as cards or letters. It’s when you CAN’T attend a wedding that written well wishes are obligatory, not when people were able to be there and do that in person. Cards attached to gifts are practical to identify them, and people often like to write nice things there but they are not necessary otherwise.

Since notes are usually meant for gifts only ( a true DW would be an exception) another reason you don’t write TY notes for attendance only is that it can come across as a subtle reminder that they didn’t give a wedding present.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I thought of that ..... and as BAD as it sounds ..... I thought it kind of appropo. 😁😇 So I am still on the fence. Need more input. Thanks.

I’ve actually heard the opposite from what others are saying: that because the reception is the thank you to your guests for attending, the thank you card is for the gift (and why if a guest sends you a gift in advance, you send the thank you then instead of waiting for after the wedding). So sending a thank you for just attendance can come across as a passive aggressive gift grab (like nudge nudge wink wink I’m thanking you for your mere presence because I can’t thank you for anything else sigh). Even if you don’t mean it that way at all.

View Quoted Comment I’d be the bigger person. Why put yourself in a position where someone can say, “i was planning to send a gift in a few months when my finances recovered but I guess it wasn’t quickly enough for OP.” ?

View Quoted Comment This holds true for local weddings. But when you are dealing with weddings where people had to travel, it’s polite to send a thank you for them going through all that trouble to attend. For destination weddings, oftentimes the money dropped by guests to travel (flights, hotels, meals, etc.) are considered the “gift” (ie, why are you hear so often the phrase “your presence is your present” for DWs)

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This isn't actually a destination wedding, though. There is a big difference between a wedding that takes place in the couple's hometown or the hometown of one of their families, and a true DW where one where every single guest and family member is being asked to travel. People can appreciate and understand the reasons for the former, not always the latter.

The guideline for thank you notes still applies for a "local to them" wedding. Kimberly has it right in this case. The thank you notes are properly for gifts.

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There are many definitions of a "destination wedding" these days (amongst SO many other wedding related things). But, even if you subscribe to the original definition, thank you cards should still be sent to all guests who attend your wedding. Even the wedding etiquette "go to" site, Emily Post, agrees, as quoted below:

"Do You Send Thank You Cards to All Wedding Guests (Even Those Who Didn’t Give a Gift)?

This is such a great question, and it’s one that has a surprising answer: Yes! In fact, we specifically asked Lizzie Post (the great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post) all about wedding thank you cards in our course, The Wedding Class, and she brought up the idea of doing this."

OP, if it's helpful, here are just a few recent articles on the subject:

Thank you card etiquette - The Knot

No Wedding Gift Rules - Bride.com

Guide to Wedding Thank Yous

Wedding Thank You Rules

In the end, however, it's really up to your own discretion whether you want to/feel it's right or wrong to send a thank you card. Sure, there are tons of differing definitions, etiquette rules, opinions, etc. out there... but I would suggest doing what you feel in your heart is right. Personally, I would view their effort and financial commitment to attend as their "present". BUT, that's also coming from someone whose guests had to travel for our wedding, so we explicitly stated that we wanted NO gifts, money, etc.... only to celebrate with them.