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Mandy
VIP May 2019

Thank You, Thank You Gifts

Mandy, on March 5, 2019 at 10:53 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 20
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How many gifts are you buying? Did you budget in all the gifts? I never realized the bride and groom buy so many gifts for others for their wedding. I've been a bridesmaid a few times and have thrown a few showers/parties and have never gotten a gift, but it seems to be the norm on here to give lots of gifts.

Proposal gifts

Bridal Shower hosts gifts

Bachelorette hosts gifts

Parents gifts

Bridesmaids gifts

Groomsmen gifts

Gifts for you future spouse on the day

Flower Girl / Ring Bearer

Officiant


20 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    We're purchasing gifts for all of our bridal party members including our flower girl, our officiant, and our parents. If anyone offers to host showers or bach parties for us, we will, of course, give them a hostess gift. We budgeted a very general amount for gifts since we have no clue what we'll be doing yet.

    All of the gifts you mentioned are pretty typical except the proposal gifts. Completely unnecessary and, in my opinion, getting out of hand. If you and your future spouse agree not to do gifts for each other on your wedding day, that's totally fine. A hand written letter would be much more sentimental anyway!

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  • Alexandra
    VIP June 2019
    Alexandra ·
    • Flag

    We're doing all of the gifts you listed, except proposal gifts. I sent my BMs personalized scratch-off puzzles and FH asked over text.

    Bridal Shower Hostess Gifts: a personalized jewelry box for my mom and mini spa sets (candle, bath salts, lip balm) for my BMs, my mom is also gifting my BMs hangers for the wedding day

    Bachelorette Gifts: custom stadium cups, metallic straws, mini bottles of rose Prosecco, dark chocolate, and handwritten notes

    Parent Gifts: picture frames for both sets of parents plus a fancy restaurant gift certificate for my parents (large contribution to the wedding), I'm also getting my parents personalized handkerchiefs

    Bridesmaids Gifts: monogrammed PJs, cozy socks, crystal & pearl earring/necklace sets, champagne flutes, and handwritten notes

    Groomsmen Gifts: custom sweatshirts, custom hats, and flasks

    Officiant Gift (a friend): same as the groomsmen gifts plus a funny cartoon mug of him as "The Minister"

    It seems like a lot but we budgeted a decent amount for all of these upfront!

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  • Megan
    Super May 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    I'm out of the loop...we're supposed to get our officiant a gift?? What do people give?

    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    1. Not doing proposal gifts
    2. Not doing specific bridal shower thank you gifts because my shower is a surprise (my mom told me she is working with “others” to arrange something but I have no clue who is involved or when it is happening, so I have no idea how to get gifts for people for this hahaha)
    3. Bachelorette gifts, my bachelorette is going to be a super low key night out with dinner and drinks so I feel like gifts are definitely not necessary
    4. Parents gifts, I was going to get my mom a big present but she hates when I spend a lot of money on her and FH and I already got her a really expensive Christmas present this year and she loved it but made me promise that I wouldn’t get her any more big presents for a while haha, so I’m just going to use a coupon to get her a Shutterfly photobook of pictures of me and her throughout my life with a “thank you for being there for me” letter. FH’s parents are unfortunately kind of irrelevant throughout our wedding (his mom isn’t even attending, his dad said he would attend the ceremony and “part of the reception”) so 🙄
    5. Bridesmaid gifts— got each of my girls a tote bag, robe, slippers, a bracelet, a letter from me, and something personal for each of them including (1) a necklace with her birthstone because my wedding is actually on her birthday lol (2) a DVD that relates to an inside joke between the two of us (3) for my MOH a necklace with an opal (which is a sentimental thing between the two of us) and then a mug that says “trust me I’m almost a doctor” because she just got into med school a few weeks ago! Not sure what to get the fourth one yet. My budget was $50 per girl but I probably ended up spending closer to $70
    6. FH is also on a $50 per guy budget for his groomsmen but he is terrible at gift-giving so he’s still struggling hahaha. He got one of his guys a beer mug and a pocket watch, and is looking into getting something Dr Who related for another one (obviously that friend is really into dr who lol)
    7. We swore we wouldn’t buy any gift for each other on the wedding day because we are spending SO MUCH MONEY already lol. Our honeymoon is our gift to each other. We will be writing each other letters to read the morning of the wedding.
    8. Not having flower girl or ring bearer
    9. My brother is our officiant and we are just getting him a card that has a picture of Joey from Friends with a quote of him officiating Monica and Chandler’s wedding hahaha. And obviously we will be writing him a heartfelt note too. We were debating getting him a gift but he’s impossible to shop for and I am 100% sure he will laugh hysterically at the card and is not expecting anything else!
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  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    I've seen either a donation to the church or gift cards - mine is my uncle and I'll just get him a gift card most likely.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    If you're hiring an officiant I don't think it's typical to give them a gift. If it's your pastor who doesn't accept payment or your family friend who doesn't tyically officiate weddings, gifts are a nice alternative.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Dedicated April 2019
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag
    We're doing...

    Bridal Shower hosts gifts: wine and a small giftcard

    Parents gifts

    Bridesmaids

    Groomsmen

    Officiant: he's a friend/fh's coworker so he isn't expecting us to pay, so we're giving him nice cigars and his favorite whiskey

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    We aren't getting our officiant a gift, he's a vendor so we are paying him (but will send a tip & thank you card like all other vendors if they do well on our wedding day). I don't think proposal gifts are a requirement at all, and the host gifts can be very small (even a $5 gift card and thank you note) if it's all you can afford. I've also heard of lots of people skipping spouse day of gifts.

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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
    • Flag
    We skipped the proposal gifts. I will have bridal shower hostess gifts for my mom and FMIL and my bridesman who really stepped up when my mom was freaking out about the bridal shower. I’ll also have hostess gifts for my two aunts who are hosting a bridal luncheon the day before the wedding. We’re keeping our parents gifts small. My mom asked for hers after the wedding (I asked what she would like because I had no idea) as she would like a framed photo of me and her on the wedding day. Bridal party gifts are going to be personal but nothing over the top, and parred with nice jewelry for the day.

    My officiant is married to my MOH, they have a 6 month over (he’ll be just shy of a year at the wedding). We’re getting the babe a teddy bear in a tux and I’m asking my photographer to grab them at one point during the reception for a nice family photo with them all dolled up - I’m giving them a framed print of it afterwards.
    • Reply
  • Nemo
    VIP August 2018
    Nemo ·
    • Flag

    Proposal gifts - Spent a total of $60. Coffee mug that was personalized to each girl, a bathbomb, hot coco mix, and some fuzzy socks.

    Bridal Shower hosts gifts - I gave each host a lavender and vanilla candle. Cost roughly $10 per person.

    Bachelorette hosts gifts - I did not have a traditional bachelorette party. I just had a brunch so I did not do gifts for this.

    Parents gifts - Bought my dad a frame with an IOU for a wedding picture of him walking me down the aisle, bought my stepmom earrings, and I bought my mom a keep sake box with a handkerchief.

    Bridesmaids gifts - Monogrammed weekender bag ($40 pp), coffee mug from anthropologie ($7.50), robe ($22 pp), and a hand written note. I bought my junior bridesman a nerf gun, tactical vest, and silly socks for the wedding day (total of $40)

    Groomsmen gifts - H picked something for each person individually that was between $35-$40.

    Gifts for you future spouse on the day - H bought me a Kate Spade purse ($200) and I did boudoir shoot ($350) and made the photos into an album.

    Flower Girl / Ring Bearer - Didn't have any.

    Officiant - Church donation.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Devoted August 2019
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    We brought shot glasses for all our guests with our names and wedding date on them

    mother of the groom coffee mug that days mother of the groom
    best man a glass mug that says best man

    man of honor we brought him a tall tumbler that says best friend
    that’s all the gifts we brought


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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    The only gifts we are gifting are for: our parents and bridal party (including flower girls..there are no ring bearers) at the rehearsal dinner as a thank you for being apart of our wedding. I am sorry, but I think it's getting out of hand with all of these thank you gifts for hosting parties, etc. In my experience, the hosts of these parties don't expect gifts. At most a thank you card will suffice.

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  • Pannabar
    Savvy June 2019
    Pannabar ·
    • Flag

    We purchased proposal gifts for our wedding party, and our parents.

    That's it.

    We paid our officiant so I don't see any reason to give them a gift as well.

    We have no flower girl or ring bearer.

    I personally don't feel like additional groomsmen/ bridesmaid gifts are necessary if you already did a gift for the proposal, But you should definitely do something to thank them. I also think the rehearsal dinner kind of serves as a thank you to the wedding party anyway.

    And a gift for future spouse? I'm thinking no, unless it's something small. We have spent enough money and have enough on our plates that we don't need to worry about getting each other gifts as well. Also, HELLO?!? Is the wedding and honeymoon not an enormous gift to each other already?


    However, until I read this post, I had never considered getting hostess gifts for the shower and bachelorette. I will probably get them something now.


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  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    This is kind of my thought process as well. If I bought a gift for everyone who hosted, my uncle/officiant, my day of coordinator (cousin who semi volunteered), each bridesmaid a gift at the wedding/rehearsal, paid for their hair/makeup, flower girl, ring bearer and all the parents it's easily another $1500 onto my budget. Even if some of them were smaller $10ish gifts. It adds up! I'm planning on being upfront and brutally honest with my bridesmaids and just ask their opinion on things they'd like so I don't buy junk they won't use for the sake of buying them a gift.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    You know your crowd, so I don't see anything wrong with that approach, lol. I agree...it adds up! In all honesty, our people understand we are spending enough money on a wedding, and probably aren't even thinking about what they may or may not get in return. When we start gifting SO MUCH for every little thing, we kind of take away from the meaning of it all......it's supposed to be about you & FH getting married!

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  • Danielle K
    VIP June 2019
    Danielle K ·
    • Flag

    Okay we hired an officiant and have no actual connection to him. we will be tipping him. had we gotten the preacher of my family church to do it like originally wanted, we would have made a donation to the church instead of a tip.

    we are not having a flower girl or ring bearer

    we live together and are paying for everything together. we are not giving each other gifts because that just adds more money to spend

    we are doing simple somewhat cliché gifts for the wedding parties. pretty much everything WW says you shouldn't give (flasks, tumblers, t-shirts, socks, pocket watches, necklace/earrings, robes, makeup bags, etc.) a lot of it is personalized with their names and/or bm/gm on it. It is not normal here to give gifts to wedding party outside of the jewelry they will wear.

    I purchased a t-shirt, makeup bag, and necklace for my mother as well as buying her outfit for the wedding. I paid part of my dad's suit rental. we will probably get each set of parents a framed photo of us with them after the wedding. Beyond that we are not giving them gifts. They are not paying for the wedding and they are not all that supportive (mine are more than his are) if they had paid for parts of the wedding this would be different.

    My older sister (moh) is hosting the shower and bachelorette party, and her bf (best man) is hosting the bachelor party. we will probably take them out for dinner and drinks as a thank you.

    Proposal gifts are new, trendy, and cute, but to us they are just a waist of money. we asked everyone to be in our wedding party in person

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  • Crisa
    Expert January 2020
    Crisa ·
    • Flag
    This is a long list of gifts and I agree there are so many. We will be having gifts for our wedding party, parents, flower girl, and future spouse gifts. We aren't doing wedding favors since every wedding I've been to the favors are left behind or thrown away.
    • Reply
  • Erica
    Dedicated April 2019
    Erica ·
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    Bless you for this list. I had no idea about the shower host gifts and bachelorette party gifts and was at a loss as to what to do for them!

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    We had very limited gifts:

    Proposal gifts - No. I am absolutely opposed to this, because they put too much pressure on people to accept even if they don't want to, which causes drama later.

    Bridal Shower hosts gifts - No. We declined a shower.

    Bachelorette hosts gifts - No. Everyone who attended the bachelorette chipped in for their own expenses and ours, so there wasn't even a host to give a gift to.

    Parents gifts - No. Aside from the fact that we are both estranged from our parents, I don't see the point unless the parents are contributing financially to the wedding.

    Bridesmaids gifts - We had only a maid of honor. We got her a Swiss army knife. She told us later that she much preferred that to the traditional jewelry, etc.

    Groomsmen gifts - We didn't have a groom, so no groomsmen. We did have a dude of honor. We got him a Swiss army knife, too.

    Gifts for your future spouse on the day - No. We got married on my birthday, and I didn't even get a birthday gift. The marriage itself was the greatest gift I could have gotten.

    Flower Girl / Ring Bearer - No. We didn't have either a FG or a RB.

    Officiant

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I budgeted about $650 for my parents, bridesmaids, and fiancé. And future in laws.
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