Thank you notes to those who didn't gift

We wrote thank-you notes to everyone. Most of the people that didn't give us anything traveled from long distances, and their presence was the gift. We wanted to thank them for sharing in our day. I don't think they were written in any way to make our guests feel bad.

I send thank you cards for EVERYTHING. I am Minnesota nice, and was "raised to" always write a thank you card.

However, this conversation always makes me feel really uncomfortable. If I had not given a gift at a wedding, for whatever the reason, and then got a card thanking me for my attendance, I would feel super awkward about it. Like Barbara said above, when my grandma brings me to Breakfast, lunch or dinner, just because she wants to, I ALWAYS send a thank you card to HER. Why the heck would she send me one to thank me for taking time out of my day to have a meal with her, when she hosted me? That is just odd to me.

Edited to say: For other brides who have not gotten married yet- consider just a "Thank you" on your programs, or somewhere at your reception.

Future_Mrs_D I agree I was raised to do Thank You's for everything! But after reading this I think I might stick to the Thank You I was planning on having on the table along with a menu or a Thank you on the program (and of course Thanking people in the receiving line and other points in the night) . Such tricky ground it seems.

Do that many people not bring gifts or cards? I mean, even when I was a single mom with 2 little girls and barely made it from check to check I gave what I could. I went to one wedding feeling bad because I only gave a card and $20. (but they knew my situation)

The reception is the thank you for your guests! You do not need to thank them further with a note! You should only send hand written notes to those who brought gifts.

I will say that the ironic part is, the ones who were the worst off financially with the exception of one were the ones who gifted. It was an interesting observation. We even had an unemployed friend who wrote us a lovely letter. So I do think in the end no matter your budget it doesn't take much to send something even if it's a home made congratulations. However, in this thread that's neither here nor there. I want to thank you all for your words, I can understand both sides of this and will talk to DH about it tonight on what to do. I do think in the end thanking people for coming isn't a horrible thing. I also think if someone feels guilty for not gifting that's is their own personal guilt that is not responsibility. Not that I don't care but I cannot control ones feelings nor their own personal guilt. I will sit on this one for we already had thank you cards ready (just needed personalized) that I got before the wedding. (but they are wedding thank you cards type deal lol that I made myself so not really something I can return either). I would hope in the end someone wouldn't feel bad and it wouldn't be to nudge anyone in anyway. I think sometimes a personal note of saying thank you for taking time out for us isn't a horrible gesture and I don't see it rude persay. anyways, thanks for the feed back you gave us something to think about!

If they helped with the wedding, like the helped with the set up/take down then I thanked them for their that. Otherwise no.

Wow, I can't believe people are getting bent out of shape over thank you cards! I always err on the side of polite, and it's polite to thank someone for something important -- tangible or intangible.

I absolutely plan on sending every guest a thank you note for taking the time to share in our day and for making lasting memories with us.

If they happened to get us a gift, then the card will also mention that and thank them. If they did not send a gift, then it will just thank them for celebrating with us.

If they happen to take that poorly because they didn't get a gift, then that's on them. A thank you is not a "you didn't get me a gift" slap in the face.

Also, because of this, if we receive gifts early, I will not be sending Thank you cards until AFTER the wedding ... so I don't in fact have to send two cards -- one for the gift early on and one for celebrating with us.

Personally, if someone sent me a thank you card for attending their wedding (and I didn't give a gift) I would be insulted. I would think that they were "making it known" that I didn't give anything. I would rather they not. So I only sent them to those that gifted. (which was just about everyone)

If they didn't give a gift what's to thank? I thank them at the wedding for coming...

Annie - exactly. Some people just do NOT get it. They keep saying it's better to err on the side being polite and send a thank you card for attendance or they were raised to be polite and send thank you cards for everything. Umm to me, it is NOT polite to point out someone's lack of gift! I AM being polite by not sending a card. And I was polite at the wedding when I personally thanked everyone for coming and fed them a great meal and gave them favors..etc etc. Why would I throw it in their face that they didn't give a gift? You are not MORE polite for sending the card...LOL!

I have been on the other side. I only got a few short min with the bride's and never got a thank you. (I actually forgot to get a gift, I blame pregnancy brain and being unemployed) I would of enjoyed a thank you knowing that they acknowledged that I was at their wedding even though I only got to see them got a little bit.

We only wrote thank you notes to people who did something for us or gave us a gift. I thanked everyone at the reception for coming and I also had a thank you in the program. I think it's rude to send one if they didn't give you a gift. Besides, I already had 65+ to write and I didn't want to basically write the exact same thing that was in the program for non-gifters.

We are planning to send thank you cards to everyone who attends whether they bring a gift or not. If they provided a gift, it will be noted in the thank you. If they don't, we'll thank them for attending.