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Super April 2018

Thank You Notes - Bridal Shower

Cassie, on January 3, 2018 at 11:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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Hi all!

My mom threw me a surprise bridal shower when me and my FW went home to NY for the holidays. (Which was so sweet and totally unexpected!!!) I am doing the thank you notes now and I had a question. I had a friend attend but she didn’t give a gift (which is 100% fine, she doesn’t have much money and I was so excited just to have her there to celebrate and spend time together). My question is, should I send her a thank you note for attending? Or are thank you notes just for gifts? I know thank you notes after the wedding are mostly just for gifts, but I didn’t know if the same logic applied to showers too?

Thanks all!

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on January 4, 2018 at 11:58 AM

Champion June 2018
muriel · on January 3, 2018 at 11:31 PM
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Thank you notes are for gifts. Although at first blush it might seem like she would appreciate a note thanking her for attending, she might interpret that as a passive aggressive reminder that she didn't bring a gift.
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Super April 2018
Cassie · on January 3, 2018 at 11:37 PM
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Muriel, ok that is what I was thinking, perfect, thanks for the confirmation!
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Super January 2018
Miaaa · on January 3, 2018 at 11:48 PM
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Honestly, I would probably send her a thank you for attending the shower just like every other guest. If you feel this may be taken in a passive aggressive way, a text or fb message (or however you communicate) will also suffice to say how excited you were to see here there that day.
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Super January 2018
D&G114 · on January 3, 2018 at 11:59 PM
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What @murial said
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Expert February 2018
PHXBride · on January 4, 2018 at 12:14 AM
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I sent thank you notes to everyone, regardless of a gift or not. I also sent notes to those who gave a gift but did not attend. And one girl came with no gift but later sent one so I sent her 2.
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Super April 2018
Cassie · on January 4, 2018 at 1:31 AM
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Yes I made out notes to those who didn’t attend but sent gifts. I know for sure gifts get thank you’s :-)
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Beginner May 2019
Rebecca · on January 4, 2018 at 2:54 AM
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I would send her a thank you card! What’s some extra handwriting and a postage stamp vs. making someone’s day?! Thanking them for their presence and their friendship goes a long way! And I am sure would be appreciated! Good luck, xo!
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Expert June 2018
Melissa · on January 4, 2018 at 3:35 AM
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I would personally send a thank you because I would appreciate receiving one. You could write it saying thank you for attending and that it meant so much to have her there..... maybe include more personal details.
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Devoted December 2018
· on January 4, 2018 at 6:32 AM
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I’m with @muriel
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Expert May 2018
Candy · on January 4, 2018 at 6:50 AM
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Send a thank you card for everyone. They all took time out of their day for you. Gift or no gift
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Master May 2014
Emily · on January 4, 2018 at 11:04 AM
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Nope, thank you notes are for gifts. Muriel is exactly right - when no gift is given, it can be a passive-aggressive reminder that they gave nothing or it can be seen as a hint for a gift. It has nothing to do with spending money on postage or taking the time to write the note. It's about how the note may come across to the person who didn't give a gift.
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Master July 2018
BoudreauToBe · on January 4, 2018 at 11:17 AM
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I agree with @muriel in instances where the event is a wedding. The reception is the “thank you”. For a shower though, I would probably send one regardless. They took time out of their day to come and celebrate you and were not provided a 5 hour party and everything that goes along with it.
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Devoted June 2018
Sarah · on January 4, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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I asked a similar question yesterday! The first commenter was right, do NOT send her a thank you note for attending. It will come across as passive aggressive. If she's your friend, just call her to check in and say how excited you were that she came to your shower. That should be plenty.
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