Thank you for parents that contributed vs. those that don't?

Do you mean thank them out loud at the wedding or in some other way? In my social circle, probably about 50% of the weddings have been paid for by parents and I have never seen this done.

List it where? Invitations? In a speech? On your wedding website? This is very unclear.

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Invitations, programs, and/or speech!

This is sort of my dilemma as well. My husband and I are paying for 95% of the wedding. My parents have offered to cover the cost of the midnight snack and alcohol. His parents have offered no financial support. They have shown no interest in our wedding during any part of the planning process either. And to be frank, I don’t feel comfortable thanking them for raising a wonderful man for me to marry because truthfully, my hubby was a HUGE project when we first began dating. He was a guy living in his parents’ basement who never had to cook or clean or do laundry. It took me years and many many fights with him to try to mold him into a partner and husband material. I did that. I’m not giving credit when no credit is due. Sorry not sorry!

Our wedding was very much hosted by my family. My dad paid $45,000 and my stepfather and mom paid $15,000. My husband's father and stepmother hosted our rehearsal dinner ($3,000) and his mom paid for nothing. We didn't expect anyone to pay for anything, that's just what was offered. This is what we did:

Invites - "Together with their families, (bride) and (groom)".

Rehearsal Dinner - We gave a speech, thanked my husband's father for hosting the RD and to my parents for hosting the wedding. Short & simple.

Ceremony Programs - "Thank you to the bride's parents for your love and support, and for hosting our dream wedding. To the groom's parents, thank you for your love and support today and everyday."

Gifts - Every single parent got a joint gift & letters from each of us.

Just because some parents paid less or not at all, didn't mean they weren't mentioned. That seems like recognition enough for my parents, they really didn't need recognition at all. They were happy enough because it was our wedding day.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the example! I think I’ll follow your outline!

My parents are paying for our wedding and his parents aren't doing anything (not that I'm mad about it honestly lol) so we will thank my parents privately that way there are no hurt feelings and I don't feel obligated to thank people that weren't involved. I definitely wouldn't put it on the invitations and save the dates. If you feel the need to thank everyone publicly I'd give a speech where you thanked everyone (all parents).

You don't list who's paying for your wedding anywhere. In your case, i'd probalby just use "together with their families" or "your parents names, invite you to the wedding of Your Name to FI's name, Son of H's mom and H's dad". Just blanket thank all your parents in a speech or the programs - I would think it's kind of rude to specifically leave out one set of parents even if they didn't contribute really.

Do a special thank you note or gift for the parents who contributed.

I gave our parents stuff even though they didn't contribute financially. Just felt like it was nice to do so because even if they didn't contribute financially they still helped me set up the wedding

I included all of our parents' names on our invites even though only mine contributed financially.

Bride

and

Groom

along with their parents

Bride's Parents Names

Groom's Mom (divorced)

Groom's Dad (divorced)

invite you......

It's none of your guest's business who paid for what. I know some parents want that extra recognition if they shell out the bucks but it doesn't sound like that's your case.

It is fine to put something in your program, like, thank you to ( your parents) and ( his mom and step dad) for their assistance with the wedding! They helped make our dreams come true . . . No mention of those who did not help. And don't make a big deal about those who didn't in front of others. Unless you want to eat your words if the parents who did not help now are ones who give you a big gift, after the wedding, or at house time. Which sometimes/ fairly often happens. Some parents think you should not spend a fortune on a one day party, but instead should set money aside for future things, post wedding, house, gift when / if you have children . We did not want help with our wedding, we worked extra and kept to a $15 K but dget for it. Parents on both sides offered some, but each had younger brothers and sisters of ours who married the same year, right out of school or in law or med school. No way to earn for their weddings, so parents helped. Modest incomes. And there were 4 behind us currently in college in each family. We thought parents over committed. We were suprised that the 3 paternal uncle's FI was closest to, did not give even a wedding gift, nor did his parents. 16 months later, when looking for a house, no more rental, we were surprised. FI uncles and parents put together $60,000 starting when we got engaged. For the house. Surprise! I know others where parents were committed to their other kids at home still, when they married. Who surprised them later. So though it is fine to thank only those who helped now, watch comments about those who didn't. There is always some smiley nasty person around to pass on anything negative.

If your parents care about being written on the invite, do that. It’s very traditional to have mr&mrs John Smith invite you to the marriage of their daughter, Michelle to Tim Jones son of mr&mrs John Jones. Or some variation of that. I don’t find a need for saying anything in a speech. Never seen anyone do that. I would just give your parents a private thank you note and maybe a gift if you want to give them special recognition.

Both sets of parents paid almost equal, but my husband and I paid the majority. My mother and father decided they also wanted to pay the upgrade cost to beef and for a champagne toast. Only my father gave the welcome/thank you for coming speech as this is fairly traditional. We didn't have my husband's side make a speech. We also didn't list who hosted in a program. We used "together with their families" since it was a blended effort. Your situation is similar so I would use that whether your FH's father pays anything or not. I wouldn't put anything to that nature in the programs as that seems odd.

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I think that was a very lovely way to deal with the often fraught thank yous at a wedding. You are an excellent decision maker!!! Hope it was spectacular.