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Jess
Expert October 2019

Thank you cards

Jess, on October 31, 2019 at 11:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 14
Hello lovely humans! I was wondering what the etiquette is for thank you cards! Do we send them to everyone who attended or just people who got us gifts? thank ya

14 Comments

Latest activity by Delphine Kenneth, on November 5, 2019 at 5:47 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Thank you cards are just for gifts.

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  • N
    Master January 2015
    null ·
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    I would only send to those who sent gifts. Smiley smile

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    We didn't send thank you cards to people that didn't give us cards/gifts. Certain people just sent cards (no gifts) but it was the best they could do financially so we still sent thank you cards to them!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I sent them to those who gave gifts or helped out in other ways
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  • Lily
    Dedicated December 2019
    Lily ·
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    Oh wow. I really didn't expect all the replies to say gifts only when I clicked on this topic. I was planning on sending one to everyone who showed up. My thinking is that 90% of my guest list is out of state, so I am just appreciative that they flew/drive down no matter if they gave a gift or not! What are you planning on doing Jess?
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I must be the only one but I sent them to everyone who attended our wedding. Even if they didn’t give us a gift they joined us on our special day and I wanted to thank them for that.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    To echo PPs, only people who sent gifts usually get thank you cards! The reception is supposed to thank the guests for coming, so don't feel like you need to send cards to non-gift givers Smiley smile

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Just for gifts!

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  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I sent thank you to everyone who came. Though there wasn't much overlap of people who came but didn't give a gift. But those who did fall into that category all came from far away so I really wanted to thank them for coming.

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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    We're going to send Thank You cards to everyone who comes, but we're having a really small wedding (about 50 people including kids). Because it's a DIY wedding, almost everyone will be helping in some small way. That's only about 20 cards or so and feels super manageable.

    We're going to take individual photos with everyone and then we'll insert a photo into each card so they have a nice memento. For those who contribute to the honeymoon, we're instead sending postcards from Mexico with a little note about what their gift helped to pay for and a photo of us on vacation.

    My FMIL wants to send a photo and announcement to those we couldn't afford to invite to the wedding so we'll likely be enclosing a photo in those as well, but she's orchestrating that and paying for it so I don't mind helping out.

    It's true - the reception is the thank you, and as long as you throw a really nice party your guests should feel good about attending. But if you really enjoy writing thank you cards and don't mind sending a ton of them, then go for it! Anyone who gets one would feel super special and appreciated, and that's the whole point. Smiley shame

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Anyone, on any occasion, who receives a significant gift, should write a thank you card. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, weddings bridal shower or baby shower. And, guests thank hosts. Hosts do not thank guests for coming. At weddings, the fact that it has been considered customary for guests to give rather a major gift, has been considered to mean that as with giving a hostess gift, an additional thank you from guests to hosts, for having such a nice wedding and inviting them as guests, is not necessary. However, any wedding guest who does not send ( or bring) a wedding gift, DOES still owe a written note to the hosts of the wedding, for having such a nice ceremony, wonderful reception, good company, etc. Hosts do not owe anyone a thank you for taking advantage of their hospitality, eating their wonderful food, drinking, all in the lovely surroundings provided by the host. That is backwards, the reverse of traditional etiquette.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    This is not to say couples or hosts may not communicate with guests. Just, not with a thank you note. A short note, letter, pictures, email, all the usual things. And you may tell someone you rarely see," how nice it was to see you at the wedding." But that is the beginning of your correspondence as a married couple.
    . Not a thank you note .
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  • Shari
    Savvy March 2020
    Shari ·
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    I’m so glad I read this because I was planning to send thank you cards to everyone. But then again it is a destination wedding so Idk. But still good advice
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  • Delphine Kenneth
    Savvy June 2021
    Delphine Kenneth ·
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    It's interesting to hear both sides of the discussion. Send a thank you to all or to just those who gave gifts. My question is, what is the purpose of a guest book at a wedding or reception? You already have the guests address because they were invited to the wedding. Can anyone elaborate on this please. Thanks a bunch!
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