Thank you cards etiquette for guests who came without a gift

I have never received a thank you card for a wedding I attended with no gift, and I didn't expect to. Honestly I would have felt it a kick to the teeth because I was too broke to afford one and already felt bad.

Absolutely no thank you card necessary.

No, the reception was their thank you. Just leave it be. Sending one anyway can come across as a bit of a slap about the lack of a gift and may make the person feel pressure to give you one.

For some reason this thread reminded me of the time I couldn't attend a bridal shower because I was sick, so I brought the bridal shower gift to the wedding and also bought them something off the registry as their wedding gift. I received 0 thank you notes and haven't seen the bride since... Maybe she never got the wedding gift??

But nope, no thank yous for guests who didn't bring a gift.

Thank you everyone!

We had many out of town guests who came in from across the country and overseas and it cost them quite a bit to make it. Would it still be rude/put them under pressure for a gift if we send them a thank you card?

OP, can I ask how you knew they attended without giving a gift? Were you bouncing your gift givers names off your RSVP list? I'm asking because I was researching the other day on how you'd know if they RSVP'd but never made it to the wedding (I'm not doing place cards and read that a guest sign-in book with addresses are a no no).

Skip it.

Generally no

Exceptions if you know it was an exceptional hardship for them to come. My rule of thumb is if you would have thanked them for coming to a dinner party you hosted. I.e. If my former college roommate shows up from overseas she's getting a thank you gift or no gift. Same for an extended family member who is out of town and struggling financially

Malei,

I would say about 95% of the guests that RSVP'd that they were coming showed up on the day itself. Other than that, it wasn't a huge wedding - about 100 people or so - so it was easy to see when it came to opening the gifts, who came without one. It was mainly my husband's college friends who are still in school so understandable. We did have a guest book but not everyone signed it.

Depending on how big your wedding is, having had to do the seating chart about a million times, I had a pretty good idea of people that had RSVP'd but didn't attend. I didn't do place cards, just table numbers and I made sure to leave a few empty seats at each table for guests to mingle. Hope that helps!

Malei, I'm not sure I'm understanding your question correctly, but why wouldn't you notice if you had guests who RSVP'd yes but didn't show? I walked around to every single table (granted I only had 52 guests, so only 6 tables), and I would have noticed immediately if someone wasn't there, because I only invited the most important people in my life.

I think if your guest list is too large/impersonal that you wouldn't even notice that you had no-shows, you need to cut your list...but maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about because my wedding was relatively small lol

I can't believe some people turn up to a wedding without a gift, I actually find it unfathombly rude.

I once forgot to bring a gift to a wedding. I was 23, super broke, and as MOH had planned two bachelorettes (one in our hometown and one in her city) and made various trips from the city I lived in (in another state) to the event cities, so I spent a small fortune, not to mention the time off work to travel. The actual wedding gift completely slipped my mind in the midst of all the wedding stuff. I didn't even realize it until I got a thank you note from someone else for something else sometime later and it triggered something in my brain.

I felt kinda bad for about 2 seconds, but then remembered how much money I poured into her wedding and that her thank you gift to her WP was day-of emergency kits (the ones w safety pins and stuff you might need on the wedding day) and just moved on with my life.

We are still friends and if she doesn't give me a gift at my wedding this fall, I don't care.

Long story short no I don't think you need to send thank yous for no gift, but if they spent a ton on your wedding in other ways (like travel to multiple events or planning stuff for you) thank them somehow for that.

Just chiming in to say that I'm glad to see someone with a date around mine that hasn't sent out cards yet! We are getting stamps tonight and they go out Thursday!

I'm not sending thank you notes to people who didn't bring gifts to the wedding. Many bought us shower gifts or gifts before the wedding so they already got a thank you for those, and the ones who didn't get us gifts at all were thanked at the reception for attending.

I've attended at least 12 weddings over the last 5 years and have yet to receive a Thank you card from any of them... And yes, I always gave a generous gift... always cash or check... hmmm

Also chiming in to say I'm glad you're not yet finished with your thank you notes either! Granted, our guest list was 450 and I've been working diligently on them for about three or four weeks - it just takes time.... My goal is to have the last ones out by July 20, two months after the wedding. I'm about 60 away from meeting that goal!

To answer your question, no thank you note is needed if they did not bring a gift.

@Malei- we had three guests with no gifts, two of DH's brothers and a good friend of mine. We also had a smaller wedding (55 guests). So it was easy for us to see who didn't leave a gift.

Those three didn't get thank you cards.

Thanks for posting this thread, OP. This was something I didn't even think of....whew.

@Mags, You really should have gotten a thank you card! I'd be peeved! 12 weddings and not ONE thank you card, that's not cool.

Not writing a handwritten thank you note is so rude. Emails just don't cut it. I have never heard of writing a note just for attending though.