Tentative RSVPs

"The venue requires a definite rsvp, I'm afraid, so if you could please respond via the website, our coordinator would be most appreciative."

When does your caterer and/or venue need a final headcount? As your wedding is a little over 2 months away, it still may a bit early for people to confirm.

"Seriously cannot afford to pay for extra plates just in case."

But it's not "extra plates". Presumably you budgeted enough to pay for plates/seats for EVERYONE you invited...so even if 10 people don't show up, the money side of it should be a non-issue.

Yes, it would be hella frustrating, but that's a separate problem.

Use Nonna's wording for people who haven't formally RSVP'd at all. For those that have RSVP'd "yes" but are waffling: advise them that you need a definitive answer by XYZ date, otherwise you will have to put them down as a decline. Unfortunately, there is little you can do to avoid people backing out last minute.

If they don't respond by your rsvp date, you follow up. Choose your wording carefully so you only have to reach out to them once. If you are too wishy washy, they won't answer, and you are no further ahead.

"I'm contacting you because my caterer needs final numbers. If we don't hear from you in the next 24 hours, we will have to assume that you are unable to attend, will mark you as a no, and will miss you at the wedding."

The wedding is a little over 2 months away, yes.

As for hotels, I have a room block with a local hotel. Their cutoff is mid-November. I should have been clearer about that.

There is definitely an RSVP date and I'm sticking to it. I had a family member who told me verbally he would be present and then later asked if I truly needed his RSVP. And that made me wonder how many people had the same thought as he.

When is the RSVP date? When does your venue need a final headcount? Knowing that information can help us give you advice.

RSVP date - 11/15; hotel block - mid-nov; dinner venue - Nov 30 (bc of the holidays)

I got most of the RSVPs the week before my RSVP date or a couple days after. Just try and relax I bet a lot of people will RSVP closer to 11/15.

ETA: clarity

I only just mailed my invites yesterday, and my wedding is before yours, with an RSVP date of Nov 11, so it is way too early for you to be worrying. I was even early for mailing (etiquette is 6-8 weeks before wedding) but I was mailing out of state invites which take longer in the mail. Also consider that some people won't use the hotel block. They will find their own accommodations. Can you add guests after that date (just not take away)? That's what my venue does until 10 days before. Also, from your post it sounds like you are worried peopel officially RSVPed on your website but won't actually come because they are flaky. There is no way to control for that (like the weather), so try to be like Elsa and let it go....

I wouldn't worry about tentative RSVPs until 11/15. After that date individually follow up with everyone who hasn't given a firm RSVP. Let them know that you need to you need a firm answer. If they are unable to provide one, let them know that unfortunately you will be unable to accommodate them.