Telling my family about elopement (Help!!)

I don't really have any advice but I would just be honest and explain why you made that decision... Good luck!!

I would just come out & say it! You have your reasons why you want to do it that way, and honestly sometimes I wish we would have done the same. My sister eloped for her 2nd marriage (his first) and she does not regret the decision one bit. She had a great photographer to capture the day. Good luck :-)

I considered elopement pretty seriously but instead went with a casual small wedding - I hesitate to post this article on this site BUT I think it is really beautifully said. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/09/big_weddings_are_overrated_and_expensive_you_should_elope_.html the author writes about her elopement experience as well as her mother's reaction. I definitely would have done something similar to her if I had eloped, although I would have had my mom as one of the witnesses.

edit- for those who don't want to read it - she tells her mother pretty much right before the ceremony. It gives her mother a chance to give well wishes etc

Thanks for the input ladies... We decided not to tell them (my mom won't be surprised as much, since I mentioned it in passing) because then they would expect to be invited. Which I understand, but FH said his mom would bring along all the aunts, uncles, and cousins, regardless of our wishes. He was actually the main supporter of a surprise elopement. My mom has some issues right now that make her behavior unpredictable so having her there would cause me a great deal of stress (worried about how she'd drive herself home in her "condition" - read between the lines).

So we're definitely not telling them until afterward. Some of FH's relatives eloped too, to avoid the large family drama. It's becoming a tradition in his family, lol.

We do about 150 elopements a year; many of them have parents as witnesses. Would that be possible? I usually tell my couples that they should let their parents know, but you don't have to do it tomorrow night. You could do it in the morning; you could do it the next day.

If it's not possible to have them there, I agree; just tell them. "After considering all the time and money and effort going into planning a big wedding, we decided to elope!" We're planning a little party to celebrate later on.....

I like the picture idea too! I have elopement announcements and address labels all ready to order from vistaprint, just waiting for a nice photo to drop in. We're definitely calling everyone this weekend, since it will take a few days for the announcements to arrive. We don't want any close friends or family hearing the news secondhand or - the worst - through social media.

We're sending out wedding announcements after the fact. We'll make a few phone calls after the ceremony, too.

@Celia - We both agreed not to invite our parents are witnesses and I went into some of the reasons in one of my previous comments above. I like the phrasing of sharing the news, that you suggested, and mentioning that we're going to have a celebration afterward. Since most of FH's family lives up in Connecticut, they'll probably offer to host something up there. When some of his relatives had elopements, that's what they offered to do (although they turned down the offer and chose not to, for some reason). But I would be happy to have a casual get-together to celebrate because he has a great family. My mom and I will probably just go out to dinner to celebrate but that will be nice.

My BFF eloped and didn't tell her mum. I knew before she did (via Facebook message). Her mum was shattered and it still bothers her to this day (7 years later). IF you think it will

Seriously upset either set of parents, I would give them the heads up but with no details (time place etc) to avoid crashes.

I think you tell them before you go. Everyone's fam is different but my mom would be soooo hurt if she wasn't in the loop.

Congrats! Have a beautiful wedding day!

No advice just dropping in to say Good Luck and Congrats!!!

I had a cousin elope three years ago. She told her mother at Thanksgiving (9 days later) that they were married. It was the most awkward family dinner I've ever witnessed. My aunt was hurt that her daughter didn't want her mother present to share in the wedding. If your parents won't be present at the wedding as witnesses, please considering doing them the courtesy of letting them know the happy news ahead of time at least.

I love the elopement announcement pics for friends and family. For your parents, I agree that telling them ahead of time sort of goes again the point of an elopement, which is to have a personal ceremony, but I think you need to tell them shortly afterwards. Maybe take them out to dinner one night soon and tell them so that they can be a part of the celebration without being at the actual wedding?

I'm the mother of 30 year old son who doesn't want a traditional, big wedding (and neither does his FW). He has promised to include us and her parents in whatever small wedding they plan. I would be devastated at not witnessing his marriage. Hearing about it after the fact would not only be hurtful, but I'd probably need a few weeks to neutralize the resentment I felt at being excluded.

As to the OPs question about how to tell her family -- well, I'd be on the phone today since the wedding is tomorrow. I don't know who her parents are or how they're going to feel, but honestly, it would take me some time -- as a mother -- to want to attend a post-wedding reception celebrating a marriage that I, as a parent, wasn't invited to or even advised of. But that's me.

I think people are going to be shocked, no way to get around it. Any way you can do it in person. Wry quickly afterwards instead of over the phone? Might ease the blow a small amount. Then you won't have the "you didn't even tell me in person" thing going on top of not inviting them. Just be prepared for spme backlash.

You know your family dynamics better than anyone else. Be excited and happy when you share your news, and be sensitive to the people you did not invite. Share what you can about your reasons with your husband's family if you think that is advisable (vagueness works too) and make sure you don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

You may not get much in the form of gifts but it seems like you're ok with that.

Have a beautiful wedding.

My 1st husband we eloped and then had a big church wedding on our anniversary. We told our families afterwards, and the main reason why was because my mother would have shown up. Even if we told her she wasn't invited, we just wanted to do this thing and be done... she would have shown up. But that's my mother. she has to have everything about her.

What I would do is just tell them after. Be honest, tell them why. If they get upset, they'll get upset and eventually get over it. If they don't get upset then things are fine.

DITTO Centerpiece.............. I've made it quite clear from day one that if either of my boys eloped without telling us, I would consider it not just a betrayal but as if they were hiding some dirty little secret. OP, I can understand based on what you said as good reasons for them not to attend (well, sort of there are ways to get around both the problems you described) but to not even let them know or allow them to send you off with their good wishes, man that would be tough for me to handle.

It disappoints me how many people would be pissed about their kids eloping. I get that you want to be included, but they're adults and their wedding is sort of their business, and if they're not inviting anyone that's pretty much that.

(edit to Midwest, you make me feel like maybe it's a generational thing. My mom used similar wording describing me not wanting to tell her details about my relationship with my partner, whereas I thought it was personal and she had no need to know our exact plans or hear my precise emotions about loving him or anything)

But I agree that you should say it in person if possible. Bring a photo (don't give it to them if they get mad, mail it later), and be as happy as you are about being married when you tell them. You might have to find a way to break it more gently to his family, since they're more into weddings.

I had to cancel my wedding last week because my mother was an absolute nightmare. So we went to get a marriage license and will do a small private ceremony for just us. (Honestly what we wanted from the beginning). But with all of the "oh I' be devastated if you didn't do this or that" or "you HAVE to invite this person" and "I hate that dress" and on and on and on... it was too much. For all of the mothers saying they would "be devastated if..." guess what? Its not your wedding. It's theirs. You are devastating them if you continue to put your wants ahead of their happiness. Ok. I highly doubt that will make a difference to any of those kinds of moms... but here is what I am doing:

We are planning a small ceremony at a cool restaurant with a tiny loft above their main space. It will just be us, a minister and either two friends that can be witnesses or we'll grab two waiters. After which, we will send out a postcard of us with a picture from the event and a note that says something like this:

Mr. & Mrs. X would like to announce their nuptials!

We decided that the stress and hullabaloo of planning a wedding was taking away from the love and joy we feel. So we decided to have a small, intimate ceremony for just us. Thank you to all who love and support us,

Love Mr. & Mrs. X

Something like that. You don't need to explain yourself. Its YOUR wedding. Not your mothers and not your MIL's. If your family is being terrible, or if you just want to do what you want for your own reasons, then go do it. Your family will get over it. They will love you anyway. If they are bitter about what YOU did for YOUR wedding, then forget them. Go on about your happy life. Fill it with love and peace and brush away everyone else's negative nonsense. You just feel good and happy doing you

If no one else says it, I support you and I'll be cheering for you, no matter what you do!