Telling my ex husband I am getting married?

Say:'I'm getting married in May'....if he doesn't know by now and your children are happy and healthy then that's all he needs to know. He's not your friend, he's the father of your children and that's the only reason you have to tell him other than that..you don't owe him anything.ETA: I wrote my first post before you mentioned how volatile he was...While 'technically' you still owe him nothing for the safety of your children and yourself tell him in a safe environment and take back up...be careful.

Agreed with @Nay 'I am getting married in May' should suffice, and if you have joint custody..."I will need to have the kids on May 23rd so they can attend the wedding, can we arrange that?"

I was going to say, if he gets to see his kids and they can talk he probably already knows. just keep it brief.

I don't know the age of your children but I would tell him soon as you shouldn't expect your kids to keep it quiet or have them feeling they are "in the middle". I am sorry things aren't going well with you but not telling him isn't going to make it any better.

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. My ex asked me if I was engaged when snooped through something of mine, so I had to tell him....the full two years ahead of time.

I would tell him as soon as you can and I hope, for your kids' sakes, that you guys can work things out.

I haven't directly said anything to my ex husband but we have been divorced for years and I'm sure he saw it coming. Plus he has to know we are engaged he sees the ring and he is on my Facebook. I'm sure that may seem odd to some, but we all get along. We co parent very well. We both know all that matters is our sons health and he is taken care of and equally sees us both.

Considering you guys are not on very good terms yet, the only reason I can see you would have to tell him is if your fiancé was a registered sex offender (highly doubt) but that is the only thing in Texas divorce papers with custody that would require one parent telling the other. Otherwise if you really just want to tell him, just say it. By the way just wanted to tell you I am engaged and we are getting married on ... So can we work out something so ... Can be there.

I'd suggest telling him sooner rather than later for your kids' sake, no matter what you do. Asking your them to keep that kind of secret will be tough on them.

Is your new husband hoping to adopt your kids? Does your custody agreement or divorce settlement specify any legal obligations that come into effect when you remarry? If either of those things is the case, get your lawyer involved asap.

Understand that your ex is as entitled to his feelings as you are to yours, no matter who is "right" or "wrong" in any of what happened in your past. He may be very upset that you are getting remarried so soon after your divorce. He may have no feelings about it at all and just want to keep you at arms length except when dealing with your kids. All you can do on your end is choose to be respectful and courteous (no matter how much you want to act otherwise) and to keep him appraised of the important information he needs to know when it comes to your kids. Getting remarried counts.

Call him. "Hey Ex, I need to tell you that I am getting married in May. Here's what you need to know: [things here]. Please let me know if you have any other questions about how this might impact the kids."

Think about things like whose health insurance the kids will be covered by. Whether child support or alimony will be impacted. Who will be authorized to pick the kids up from school. When in doubt, "I need to check with my lawyer, I'll get back to you with an answer."

What kind of divorce settlement do you have with him? The only reason you should be taking him into account at all is purely for legal reasons (not sure if there are any concerns, but check it out and make sure this won't change things), if there's finances involved. If you have a child support agreement, your tax filing status can make a difference -- so if you're going from head of household to married, it could be relevant.

Also...I can't believe he doesn't already know! Do the kids see him at all? Do the kids know about the wedding? Will this change your living situation, or is FH already living with you and the kids all the time? Any child of talking age would be telling your ex about the upcoming marriage, if they know about it. I've been dealing with an emotionally abusive and highly volatile ex for years, so I can think of a bunch of ways this could go south, but they may not be right for your situation. If he has any kind of temper, he could fly into a rage finding out his kids are getting a stepdad.

I would say, when you tell him, have a reason for it -- don't just tell him you're getting married and leave it at that. When I told my ex about my engagement, I framed it in the context of our custody agreement, saying that I would really appreciate his flexibility with our schedule around the wedding time, since there will be events for our daughter to attend, there will be relatives in town that she'll never get to meet again, etc. If your ex is really not involved, though, then he deserves no further explanation. You could clarify that your FH is wonderful, loves the kids, etc, but doesn't sound like you owe him a thing.

Our children are 13, 10 and 7, My ex is very abusive emotionally. Our 13 year old refuses to speak to or even visit with him. If he knew, he would for sure have something to say about it. I asked it awhile ago about switching weekends in May, he did not ask why, so I didn't provide information about it. To be honest, he is pretty scary the way he reacts to things. I am the residential parent for all 3, he has every other weekend visits. My FH is amazing with the kids, one very important fact. But my ex is not happy I have moved on and I am sure this news will cause a fit of rage. The kids have a visit with him this weekend

Based on what you're saying, I wouldn't tell him unless absolutely necessary. As in legally necessary. If he agrees to switch, I would just leave it at that. Less chance he will try to cause any trouble.

I'm with Stephanie on this one. Don't tell him unless you have to, seems like it wouldn't go over very well for you or the kids. Just tell him you need to switch weekends if you say it's for your wedding he might not let you switch just to be an ass.

Honestly, as someone who has dealt with an abusive ex, I would NOT avoid telling him. People like that tend to be paranoid and think that you're trying to pull something over on him by not telling him. I would hate for him to find out if one of the kids slips up

I'm with Janeen on this one (as with most things). Yes. It's easy to get up on a horse and say you don't owe him the moment of telling him. But if he's abusive and scary, the choice is that you can control the moment he finds out and ensure that it's in a safe environment and/or that your kids aren't near or you can wait for him to find out and hope it's not in a moment when anybody could be in harm's way. Just because you shouldn't have to tell him, it doesn't mean that the safer thing to do is to tell him.

He already agreed in email to the switch of weekends in May. You ladies have been wonderful with advice, sometimes you just need to talk it out. I think the right thing to do is tell him. And in a controlled environment at that. Just before picking up the kids or while he has them is not ideal. I think I will call him today, so he has a few days to deal. It's amazing to me how people can treat someone they once loved and cared for, very disappointing.

Wedding aside, I am happy to see you moving on with your life and being happy, I know women in physical and emotional abusive relationships who are scared to leave or can't...he sounds like a not so nice guy...so kudos to you for demanding your happiness. I wish you and your new husband and family a happy and prosperous life!

I do not have an ex-husband but I did tell my son father over the phone. I had to let him know because my FH will be helping me raise our son. Even though my son father is not that active and barely pays child support, I still told him. I rather for him to hear it from me than people on the streets or my son telling him.

My ex husband is very much like yours. I have opted not to tell him. I am pretty sure he knows, was wearing my ring the last time I saw him. I am lucky that we do not live in the same state and rarely sees the kids. 2 of the 3 do not speak to him.

When and if he asks me I will tell him yes I am remarrying but will give no other details. The one thing I have working in my favor right now is that he recently remarried and his attention is elsewhere. When things are good in his world he tends to leave me alone.

You know him better then the rest of us. Use your best judgment. If telling him now on your terms will be easier then do so. Good luck