Telling a friend i no longer want them to be a bridesmaid

That's a good question. I hope things work out

It’s not possible. Kicking someone out of your bridal party without a real reason is a friendship ending move.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Some people are more opinionated than others, and if that’s your main reason for kicking her out it could be seen as petty

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. You have to be ok to end your relationship with her.

I had a friend do that to me because my husband had a lung transplant right after she asked me to be her maid of honor. She said I was spending too much time with my husband and not helping her with her wedding that was over a year away. Our friendship ended after she removed me from her wedding (I honestly didn’t care since I couldn’t help having to take care of him but she stopped talking to me). Be prepared for your friendship with her to end and if your ok with that I say remove her from your wedding.

The changing tide of a friendship is always a tough time. Especially during so a big life moment. However, this may be the opportunity to look at your relationship before moving onto the next stage in your life. If your friendship is no longer adding anything to your life (I.e. closeness, laughter, special connection) the. You have to accept that time is not valid enough reason to keep someone apart of your life. If you don’t want to hurt her feelings, then let her know that you for whatever reason have to downsize your wedding party. I hope it all works out lovely.

You still have over a year for your wedding. I think you a bit early for kicking people out of wedding for not thinking about your wedding and what the want to wear yet.

It may turn out you do not feel close enough, and want to end the friendship. Kicking her out will do that, fast. . . But the biggest problem you have, and will still have, is your expectations. A major reason bridesmaids have usually been announced 9-12 months before the wedding,or less, and not sooner, is there is nothing at all a bridesmaid needs to do until the last six months. Nothing. Unlike bridal gowns, bridesmaid dresses are not picked out and ordered until the last 4 to 5 months. They come in 2 weeks to 8 weeks after ordering, occasionally 10 weeks. And it is always best to try on dresses and order them as close to the time worn as possible, so a minimum of alterations are needed. Buy dresses too early, and 1-3 women may be cursing you, because they have to pay $225-275 to alter a dress more than one size, on a dress $175-$250 to begin with. A huge number of women does gain or lose 20 pounds or more, 2 sizes, in 6 months or more. And since BM dresses are frequently discontinued after only one season, or the color selection for a dress will be changed, many dresses you pick out now will not be available in the last six months before your wedding date, when they need to be ordered. You will find that having asked super early, you now need to expect nothing of bridesmaids for the next nine months. To drop someone who is not interested in things like dress selection now is foolish. And you should realize that if you get everyone into it now, they will mostly lose their interest long before the wedding. Back away with all of them . Don't get them set to order dresses that may not be available at the proper time, so you have to start over then. At this point, expect your bridesmaids to treat you like a friend, including special projects that are everyday stuff, not wedding stuff at all. Or you will be like hundreds of posters here, who are on at 7 months out saying that all the bridesmaids were great, and excited, when first asked, but after 6-8 months, they have completely lost interest. And now that it finally is time to do something, they are already pushing the bride away, because they cannot sustain that interest constantly in anyone else's wedding for as long as 15 months or more. It is likely anyone will have one or more BM who will no longer be close friends by wedding time, if chosen as far ahead as you did. People move, get new SO, get engaged themselves, or get pregnant. Or their own sister or brother or other close relative gets engaged and sets a date near yours. And they may drop out. It is the nature of friendships to change over time. See which bridesmaids you are still close to at 7 months out, and start over with dress selection then. You may not need to drop her, or another BM. They may have dropped out by then. And those previously not much interested will start feeling involved.

I don't think that removing her from the wedding party is the answer. Our weddings are most important to us... but most bridesmaids/MOH don't get really into it until pre-wedding events and until closer to the big day. You are a year and four months out, so she likely doesn't see any since of urgency right now. She also may have something going on in her life she hasn't shared with you just yet. I would reach out to her and ask her how she is and just focus on the friendship and not so much the wedding just yet.

You asked she accepted. Kicking her out would be rude.
Perhaps your expectations of a bridesmaids duties are high.

Our wedding is the most important thing to us, but the wedding party is not generally involved in the day to day planning. Life goes on for others that aren't planning a wedding.

I think you are rushing to judgement. She is, after all your friend. I think you should take a step back from the situation so that you can see things more clearly.

View Quoted Comment

Came here to say basically this. Many people don't even have their bridal party picked out at this point - so to rush into kicking someone out for not being ahead of the game seems silly. Give it time. Lower your expectations. If the relationship improves, then great - you have a solid bridesmaid. If it doesn't improve and you are okay with the friendship disintegrating, then cut her out down the road. There is no "thanks for saying you'd be my bridesmaid...but just kidding I don't want you to anymore, but let's still be friends!" option, honestly. Just relax and give it time. Friendships change over time - sometimes for the better, and sometimes not.

Before you pull the trigger on firing her from your wedding party, I'd sit down with her and tell her you feel like she's not really showing as much as enthusiasm or getting involved as you'd like. She might have something going on in her life that's keeping her from jumping into all this with the excitement the others are. Just tell her what you need from her. If she's still distant and uninterested after that, it might be time to ask her to drop out.

Hello Rylee I agree with some of the others. It is still early for wedding planning, I'm getting married 1 month before you and although I have their colors and dresses etched in my head I haven't/wont be bothering my ladies for another few months. And then it will be to start paying on their deposits for resort (I'm having a DW).

As far as the friendship goes if you feel things have changed I would seriously have a conversation with her. Explain to her how you felt about the sleepover etc. Before cancelling your friendship do a wellness check-in to see if all is well with her. If she's truly a friend you will want to communicate how you feel. And I know that we are over excited just remember we are choosing to consume the next 15-16 months in planning mood and although they are happy for us it's not as exciting as it is to us. Our priorities are not theirs and if you do get that 1-2 bridesmaids who are excited and super involved Thank your lucky stars!.

I agree with everyone here who has said that you should be ok with ending the friendship if you’re going to un-ask her to be a bridesmaid. I recently backed out of being a bridesmaid for someone else and I’m not expecting a wedding invitation from her at all after that.

I also agree that a year out is way too early to be asking that much of your BMs. I’m the MOH for one of my best friends and although I’ve started helping her plan the main parts of the wedding, we don’t plan on doing bridesmaid specific things (like dresses) until about 6 months before the wedding. And to be honest, if she was bugging me about it a year out, I might ignore her too...

I was in the exact situation. I told her it would be best if she were a guest instead of a bridesmaid because we werent as connected anymore. She threw a fit and blamed it on my moh even though my moh hand nothing to do with it. She blocked me on snapchat and Facebook. Needless to say we arent really friends anymore but I was mature about it and started to feel I didnt need a person like that anyway. Hopefully it works out better for you but dont have a bridesmaid that you feel obligated to keep just because you spent 15 years together. People change and sometimes it sucks. Im sorry you are in this position.

If you kick her out of your bridal party you will ruin a 15 year long friendship. Is it really worth that? I would just not expect much from her as a bridesmaid, other than to show up and buy her dress. And on the day-of, just think of how nice it is that you have such an old friend to share your day with, and think about how much your childhood self would have loved to see her standing up there with you.

I had the same thoughts on yesterday, so I definitely understand how you feel! I’m 15 months away from our wedding, and really haven’t bothered my bridesmaids besides asking them to be in the wedding. However, I have thoughts that they don’t seems as enthusiastic or excited as I thought I would. Most are my bridesmaids are childhood friends, so my expectations from them are very high. Yesterday, I had to get myself to lower them, and realize that it’s early on in the game. I have an amazing groom, mom, and maid of honor who are all ears to hear me vent and talk about wedding stuff 24/7, luckily! Give her some time, be a friend to her right now. If you still see no change when it gets closer to the wedding, then talk to her about it before you kick her out.

Btw, I benefited so much from the advice you received as well!

What if you asked someone that wasn’t really your friend at all to be your bridesmaid cause you felt pressured to say yes? Cause that’s the situation I’m in now and it’s my fiancés bosses wife. We’re not close what so ever. And there’s just little things I’ve realized that dosent seem to be I guess “qualities” you’d want in a friend. Idk. Maybe I’m wrong but what do I do?