Tell parents, not having church wedding

Suck it up and tell them. I went the opposite route....FH and I were both raised Catholic, but in my family we never went to church unless I had a communion or confirmation to make. My FILs are very active in their church, on the other hand, and since it meant alot to them, which then meant a lot to FH, I just gave the ok to have a church ceremony although I would have rather had an outside one. Its ok though, if it makes everyone happy

Tell them now so you can stop worrying about it and they have time to get used to it. Be aware, however, that your priest will probably not do an outdoor ceremony. Most won't.

Just tell them. This is your wedding and your decision, not theirs. If you don't want a church wedding, don't have one.

More than likely, your priest will not do an outside wedding. Only in very rare and extreme cases will a priest do a wedding outside a church. I think since I've been here, only 1 girl (maybe 2) has successfully done it.

We ended up finding a priest and a rabbi do to our ceremony in a non-denominational chapel. I thought it would have been a lot harder. We did this to please both sets of religions. To me, its very important to honor both family religions.

Good luck.

In the anglican church, most priests will do weddings outside of the church. We have already confirmed with my priest and he is happy, willing and available. We are having the inlaws for supper on Thursday and discussing then but looking for ways to discuss and break the news in a productive way to keep all parties happy

Just tell them. If you are adult enough to get married, you can just tell them what your choice is.

I do agree that you guys need to tell them but I encourage you to remember that to them marriage is one of the Sacraments so it is a much bigger deal to them. I only say that because in situations like this, I find I do a much better job of communicating and problem solving if I remember to look through the other person's eyes.

If your FI doesn't want the Sacrament of Marriage that is his decision, not his parents, but I am sure they will probably have a tough time with this.

Your FI really needs to be the lead in the conversation and you need to be his supporter. Be a united front, but he needs to take the lead. Be loving, firm, and let them know this isn't up for discussion.

Understand how difficult this will for them since it is one of the Sacraments. I think the key is to give them time to accept this. They most likely won't walk away from dinner saying "no problem Son, whatever you want." and you shouldn't expect them too. You need to give them time to digest and accept it.

They need to respect your decision, and you guys need to let them figure out how to process it - which will take some time. Good luck!

I agree you need to tell them asap. I had to break the news to my mom and my family that we weren't having a Catholic Church wedding. I always wanted to get married in a church but when my FH and I discussed it we made a list of pros and cons. Maybe if you have a list of why you are going in a different direction it will be easier for them to understand. For instance, I told my mom that we wanted the outdoor ceremony at the reception so more people would see us get married, a lot of people don't come to the church during the day if there is such a time gap from ceremony to reception. Also FH's family is episcopalian and we want everyone to be comfortable. I'm sure they might be upset, (my mom and aunt were) but they should understand and respect your wishes.

It sucks to have the thought of disappointing a parent but we are adults and they should understand.

Tell them ASAP but if possible tell them together or have your fiance tell his parents and you tell yours. I got trapped into a conversation about this with my future MIL because my fiance put off telling her himself and it was awkward. I smoothed it over by agreeing to meet with her pastor to see if he might marry us in a non-religious ceremony, but she still makes comments about how I am "lost" or a "not-yet-recovered Catholic" if the topic of religion comes up. She still does not know that her son is not a "believer" (her words) either.

Both FH and I were brought up wicked Catholic. FH and I are not practicing and did not feel like it was right for us. I was surprised at how well my parents took it. FMIL still makes little comments about how if we are not married in a church it "doesn't really count". At first I would get upset, but now I just laugh and say "yep" cause I really DGAF.

I felt so relieved after I told my parents! I'd just let them know sooner rather than later. You might get some push-back, but you need to have a ceremony that makes sense for you and your FH.

"wicked Catholic." I might steal that

I agree that you just have to tell them. There's really no way to "soften" it. I was in kinda the opposite situation--I'm Catholic, FH is Lutheran. We had to tell FH's parents that we were having a Catholic wedding. Luckily they were 100% okay with it, but they still tease me about how long it's going to take.

My mom teaches religion at a Catholic school. She asked "what did I do wrong in raising you?" when I said we weren't having a church wedding. We're still not. She's learning to deal with it. Make sure you and your fiance are on the same page, then stand up for your (joint) decision. But tell them, so they have some time to digest.

I was afraid my grandparents would be upset when they found out I was having an outdoor wedding, but my uncle is performing the ceremony so I think that softened the blow a bit. It's your day, do what makes you happy.

Haha yeah born and bred Masshole who relocated to NH but cannot seem to drop the accent or the vocab...

FH and I are the first in his family to not have a Catholic ceremony. We will be having it outdoors at a vineyard. We handed our save the dates to his family, his sister was asking shockingly, "You already have a church?!" Her brother responded with, "Of course they have a church, they have a date. What church did you pick?" Then we told them it was not a church, but outdoors. The room got awkwardly silent for a little bit, but nothing crazy happened.