Teenage stepson not invited to my brothers wedding

It’s been over a year since this happened and my relationship with my brother and sister in law is still not repaired - it has been permanently damaged by SIL’s inability to possess human decency.


Many of you may not agree with my feelings about this but I’m going to share anyway.
My 15yr old stepson was the only kid excluded from my brothers wedding. He and my brother have become very close over the last 5 years. My parents treat him just like a grandchild and all my siblings view him as their nephew.
When we heard my brothers wedding would be adults only, I wrongly assumed my teenage stepson would still be included. I especially thought this because the rest of the bridal party was allowed to bring their TODDLERS and newborns since they had special jobs like ring bearers, assistant to the ringbearer (for the newborn…) flower girl, escort, and the list goes on. But my teenager couldn’t come to my own brothers wedding because SIL wouldn’t budge on “the rules.” Unless the child had an assigned duty in the wedding party, they couldn’t come.
Then give him a job……? He could have EASILY been assigned as an escort to walk the guests to their seat, or pass out the wedding programs. My brother called me exasperated and said he feels incredibly guilty and horrible but he has to let his wife do what she wants. I get it, but it doesn’t change anything for me.
Every single member of our immediate family and their kids attended that wedding but not my stepson. Even other teenagers were there because SIL thought some people were worth bending the rules for but not others?! I was mortified and felt horrible leaving him home regardless if he would have rather been playing video games. He is old enough to process that he’s the odd man out and to this day he is no longer as close to my brother as he used to be.
Ladies, I beg of you to be human when making the “rules” about guests at your wedding. Of course adult only weddings are perfectly fine but there are certain scenarios where it might be worth making an exception for someone.
You may not agree with me and that’s fine but IMO this was not a great look for my sister in laws “first act” joining the family.