Taking your partner’s name? Help!

It’s your decision! You don’t have to make it right away. You can change it months or even years later after you marry.
I’ve decided to keep my last name. It’s a part of my identity and I worked hard to earn my bachelor’s and Master’s degree, not my FH.
I also don’t feel like going through the hassle with changing my all my identifications.
Lastly, I have never felt welcomed nor loved by my FH’s family. They are nice people, but i don’t feel as if I am or will be apart of their family.

View Quoted Comment Great points and good for you! I don’t know if I feel like part of her family either... or a part of my side at that matter. Ugh... this sucks. Was your partner totally cool with you keeping your name?

A friend of mine was in the same boat as you and they decided to merge their last names and create a new last name. Taking part of her last name and a part of her wife’s last name. I’m not sure how hard that was to do though.

I am taking my FW’s last name. It was important to us that we shared a name for a few reasons. For one, it still kind of feels like a right of passage that we’re even allowed to get married and share a name. We also think when we have kids it will help outsiders see us as a unit instead of “my” children or “her” children. I ultimately decided to change my name because I don’t really feel a connection to it. It’s pretty generic anyway and I don’t have a relationship with my dad, so it doesn’t bother me to drop his name.
Do you have names that could easily be combined into one? One of my friends took her last name (Patterson) and her wife’s last name (Clark) and they changed their last name to Clarkson. You and your FW could also consider hyphenating your names legally and going by one or the other socially.

I kept mine but we joke we might create a new last name in the future since we won’t have any kids to pass our name down to.

She's taking mine. At first she wasn't completely on board about it but now she can't wait.
If she is being supportive then there are no wrong answers. It's ok you both have your last name.

I’m taking my fiancé last name. My last name doesn’t really have any meaning to me. I’m adopted and my last name came from my brothers dad. So long story short, my last name doesn’t hold on to family so I don’t mind changing it.

I am taking my FH’s name, but keeping my last name as a middle name. So my legal name will be 5 names long. But both taking his name while also keeping my name are important to me. I also didn’t want to hyphenate our last names, as we both have long last names. I wanted to keep my maiden name as a middle name for two reasons. I’m an only child, and I’ll be graduating with my masters next month, starting a PhD program in October, wedding in January 2020. I wanted to have my maiden name on all of my degrees in some form. Hope that helps!

View Quoted Comment We talked about this... she wants to be more traditional and take one of our names. I’d like to use my middle name honestly!

View Quoted Comment I read these posts with my FW and we agree with your POV for sure. It’s special to take a name and signifies so much. I kinda have a connection to my name but I’m thinking of shedding it and starting anew. It makes me kinda sad for some reason.. I’ve been “me” for 38 years (39 next week!) I guess I’m still me. My last name is super long and hers isn’t. Hyphenating isn’t an option and combining isn’t either. She’s more traditional and I’m not. Lol

View Quoted Comment Haha.. what name would you change it to?

View Quoted Comment That’s kinda how I feel.. lol. How did you guys decide to take your name?

View Quoted Comment My FW is adopted too! We are both very connected to our families too... I dunno this is hard!

View Quoted Comment Maybe I could do that. Hmmmmm... that’s probably a huge pain in the butt. Is it the same process to change a last name and middle name?

View Quoted Comment I think it really varies by state. For the most part I think you can write how you want your name to be on the marriage license, first, (new) middle name, and your new last name. But in some I think you have to petition with the state to change your last name to a middle name.

View Quoted Comment Good to know... maybe I’ll do this. I’ll look into and see what they allow in Atlanta. Thanks!

I'm taking FH's last name, but getting rid of my middle name (replacing it with my maiden name). Hyphenation would make my last name wordy, but I still wanted to keep my identity with the maiden name!

View Quoted Comment I had strong feelings about keeping my name and wanted hers to take mine. I was really surprised when she said she wasn't sure. I'm the last of my name after my mother dies. I'm an only child. I have other family I'm not close to and don't share a name with. We had already agreed if/when we have kids they would have my last name. I'm not sure if anyone can understand my perspective about feeling alone in the world after parents pass and the only thing I have is a name. My father's full name was passed down 13 times. I'm not saying I will influence my potential female children one way or another about keeping their last name but I don't want to marry mine away.
I asked her to take mine or keep hers but not to hyphenate. We still would not be sharing a name if she did. It would feel like she is and always be part of her family first and I would be 2nd.
I wanted a team. Even if it's just the 2 with my name it's not so lonely. The name isn't dead. I gave her space to decide. I explained if she didn't take my name I would be sad but eventually get over it but she would have to let me be sad about it. About 6 weeks later she said she had decided and was going to take my name. She was always going to take my name but was unhappy I almost assumed she would instead of having a discussion about it.

This was the hardest emotional part of being engaged because of my personal issues with my name. Now the clouds have parted and she is seriously excited about it. I think mainly because my last name is only 4 letters long compared to her 9 letters ha ha.

View Quoted Comment I never went through the process to change my name to my adopted family cause we still needed to get permission from my birth mom and they were going to wait til I was 18 so it would be easier but I would have only had my last name with them for a few years. I really don’t want my brothers dads last name when I want nothing to do with my birth mother and her flings.

I am taking my FH's name. BUT I am also planning on making my maiden name my middle name. I have no attachment to my middle name (not interested in passing down my middle name to future daughters, etc.) and am an only child and don't just want my last name to disappear. I ultimately want to take his name because I want us to have the same last name and for our future kids to have the same last name (makes it easier when dealing with the school). Also, I love his family, so why not officially be a part of it!