Taking his name

I hyphenated mine! I love my last name and wasn't just going to get rid of it - I'm sentimental and it represents my family, so there's no way I was dropping it. I also don't love his last name, so I didn't really want it changed at all. However, I decided to hyphen because it represents our love! Everyone has their own reasons, you just have to decide for yourself

View Quoted Comment Agree with this.


I'm a fairly nontraditional person in general but I couldn't imagine not taking fiance's last name. I won't be nixing my middle name (that alot of people know me by) to replace it with my maiden name that I have no emotional attachment to. In the end, it's personal preference and none are right or wrong.

We eloped in January and since then I've dragged my feet on making the name change (especially in the time of COVID). I was initially really resistant to changing my name since my dad is the last one with the name and I've built a professional career with this name (have multiple degrees and professional licenses). However, I'm now expecting (!) and we wanted our family to be united under one name, plus it means A LOT to my husband that I take his name. It has taken some getting used-to but I am honored to adopt his name, and I love that we are building a life together under the same name. Trust me, I never thought I would feel this way but here were are. It's a very personal decision and I understand all sides of it.

View Quoted Comment I 100 percent agree with you! I refuse to change mine as well.

View Quoted Comment I 100 percent agree with you! I refuse to change mine as well.

I realized that I had A LOT of feelings about this when we started filling out our marriage license, so you're not alone if you were surprised by your own reaction here. I didn't want to give up any of my names and I don't see why I should have to. In the end, I decided to add his last name to mine, no hyphen. I'm sure it will be fairly awkward to get used to (how will I be alphabetized?) but I think it will be pretty convenient in some ways. I don't have to worry about accidentally using my old name because my old name is the first part of my new name, but I'll probably also be fine with people addressing things to us as Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName. If you really do want to replace your last name with his and you're just hung up on getting used to being called by a different name, you probably don't need to worry a lot about that. I occasionally introduce myself using my full name, but no one ever calls me by my first and last names, so I don't see that being much of a problem.

I've decided to keep my maiden name. This will be my second marriage and my business is in my maiden name. Plus, after my first marriage ended, which was a disaster, I grew back in love with me and my identity. I love who I am now and that my identity and FH and our relationship can coexist.

I can understand how it would feel weird to let go of your last name for some people. For me personally, I’ve been dying to get rid of my last name since middle school xD I can’t wait.

I haven't decided yet! I want to either keep my maiden name as a second middle name or drop it completely. I don't want to have to write a double barreled last name on forms.

I’m keeping mine for a few reasons. 1) my last name is part of my identity (at least that’s how I feel). 2) I don’t particularly like his last name as bad as that sounds lol. His las name is long and he always has to spell it out for people. 3) his mom is the “Mrs. A” of the family and I don’t want to be called like her lol.


Either way, I love my FH so much and me not taking his last name does not change that! He has come to terms with my decisions. He had a difficult time with it at first but he understands and respects my decision now.

My maiden name is never spelled correctly and rarely pronounced correctly. I can't wait for the day til I can say my last name and not have to automatically launch into spelling it. His last name is very conventional - pretty much everyone can say and spell it without much thought. Plus it sounds nice with both my nickname, my full first name, and my first and middle together. Hyphenation isn't an option for me - let's just say it can easily be mistaken/misspelled for something vulgar. If my last name were different, I'd probably feel like keeping it because of the identity I've built with it - but it's honestly too big a pain to carry on with any longer than necessary.

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I am considering doing this. I know you just got married, so maybe you haven't experienced any issues yet, but wondering what the downsides of this would be? Like would people not realize you have two last names, how are you alphabetized, what happens with kids, etc. I like this option though because I can pretty much refer to myself however I choose in whichever setting, though of course I need to sign everything with both names. My biggest thing is that I want to be able to be Mr. and Mrs. FHLastName, but also keep who I am in there somewhere.

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I had your post about this open in another tab when I opened this message, so in an effort to make things less complicated I'm responding to these questions in that response.

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Yup. This is a large reason why I didn't change mine.

View Quoted Comment It does feel a bit weird and might take a bit of getting used to. I think you will always be a (your real last name) either way. Having a new last name will be exciting