Vannesa
Expert October 2021

Tad Upset

Vannesa, on July 9, 2020 at 3:14 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 24
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So, I know this pandemic thing is putting a toll on all brides getting married this year. Totally understand and sympathize with you. But I am a little upset with my soon to be sister in law who rescheduled her September wedding date to next September 2021 a week before mine and FH wedding. I think I am more upset at the way she told us of the rescheduling. In a group text....... Not one on one not saying hey we may have to reschedule this is the only date available around that time and wanted to give a heads up. But through a group text with all the other bridesmaids that I don't even know. Am I being a little pissy about it maybe but I feel like a one on one talk or heads up would have been nicer.

24 Comments

  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    I know this isn't really a helpful comment, but I also HATE large group texts. Like seriously hate them and won't even participate sometimes, which I'm sure is annoying. Maybe it's just my age showing, but I feel like they have definitely taken away from one-on-one personal communication, like you're saying, and have somehow become a lazy crutch for communication. So I totally empathize with how you're feeling. Smiley heart

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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    Exactly. Like I couldn't say anything about my wedding because then yeah it would sound like I was making it all about me. But I later on messaged her privately about it and it took her like 3 days to respond. Which then made me even more upset. Mind you I am pregnant right now so I'm an emotional roller coaster as well.

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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    I think you are rightly upset by the way she told you. Yes it’s sucks that she has to reschedule, but a quick call to you saying exactly what you said “we have to reschedule and this is the only date...” was warranted. Not that she needed to ask your permission, but just to let you know before everyone else.
    I’d recommend having a heart to heart with her and let her know you are upset with her for the way she told you. Make sure to let her know you aren’t upset with her for scheduling the week before because you know it was a crappy situation she was put it, but as your sister you deserved to be told one on one.
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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    People are going to tell you you get one day. But realistically I think it’s rude and unreasonable to expect people in the same family to possibly travel, take off work, and attend two weddings in one week. Especially when you booked first and she didn’t ask you how you felt about it. If it was the only option bc of the craziness going on right now she could have at least said something to you first. I’d be super upset too.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    My thing is even if she told you one on one, would that have even really mattered? Just because what if that really was the only date anyway? I think it’s valid you’re upset but you might have been upset regardless though it would have been nicer of her to say it to you one on one. I would also look at it from her view with some sympathy that she had to reschedule ya know? Hopefully everyone on both your lists can make it.
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    Her ceremony is at a church and reception in her parents backyard. I'm not sure if it was the only date available seeing as they decided to do this like 2 months ago and I don't see the church booking that fast. Yeah family will have to travel and I'm upset about it because we had our wedding planned before they had even chosen a date.

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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    I don't really sympathize with the fact that she is having the reception at her parents house and can have that at anytime. Yeah sucks to have your ceremony moved but at the same time there are other brides who are cutting the list down and that's all that needed to be done but she didn't want to cut her 200+ list down.

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  • Kimberly
    Expert October 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    I found out my brother was getting married by a friend of a friend. Not even by him directly. Some people just don’t think things out. I’d chalk it up to that and the increasing reliance some have on text messages in general. No one wants to call or have one-on-ones anymore. She was probably overwhelmed by having to postpone in the first place and didn’t think out everything as she should have (like pp said about family and friends having to go to two weddings back to back within a week).
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    Given that she'll be your family come next year, I'd recommend a cooling off before contact to really gather together what you're hoping to relay, what you hope her reaction would be, and whether the worst case of that reaction is worth it.


    I can tell you coming from the "closer to wedding" side (September 2020 hopeful person) that it's just insanely stressful. I'm not even a dream wedding lady, so I can't imagine the devastation of all the planning and then moving it. She's probably had to call all those vendors, the venue, yadda yadda - on top of anything that COVID and the economy might be doing personally. It's just immense. It's crushing. It's exhausting. Your feelings are valid - but I'd just think very long and hard about how useful it is to either of you to voice that right now. It's tough to see that there's more to gain there (she definitely feels crappy already, just probably not specifically about any slight to you) - and you both have a lot to lose in terms of a future relationship.Vent here. Feel vindicated here.
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    All catering and vendors are being done by family so that’s another reason why I’m not so empathetic to her situation.
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Do you know if she maybe made a mistake and didn’t realize when your date was?
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    No she knew we had been wedding talking about both our weddings for months.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I totally agree.
    The only room I’ve give her is this Covid thing is screwing everything for a LOT of people. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional and she’s probably stressed out too. But big hugs cuz it still sucks.
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  • Christina
    Devoted July 2020
    Christina ·
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    Oh man I feel your pain. Pre-COVID My friend scheduled her wedding around mines originally and I was bitter because it felt so on purpose. I think your in the right to feel what your feeling. Because truthfully Itis not just a day... there’s a lot that leads up to wedding and it might feel like she’s taking some of your shine
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I feel like anyone with a brain would not want to reschedule their wedding on another family members wedding week. Has anyone else in your fam talked about this with you?
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    What's your ideal outcome from her? What would happen in the conversation that would be your 100% satisfied version? That may help frame if a conversation is really needed or value added to either of you.
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    It’s my FH family and to me they don’t communicate all that great but they all definitely knew of our date because we had set a date before them and spoke about it.
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    I more so just want an apology. But not everyone gets one of those. I came on here to vent about it. Seeing as I’ve already tried to talk to her about it and it was just a generic had to reschedule that was the only date.
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    You may have selected your most productive outlet - it's a good place to vent!
    I don't expect you'd get an apology without leaving your relationship more damaged - sounds like maybe it's not a close one anyway, but I always say it's better not to make enemies if you can't help it.
    I hope the people you want to be there will still make it and it will all work out!
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Your feelings are justified. And as far as the whole Covid excuse goes, there’s many things people can use covid for right now as their get out of jail free card ie: not inviting/uninviting ppl they don’t want, kicking out people in their bridal parties, cutting out kids, etc lol but this however IMO isn’t something you can justify with covid. Its hard to believe that she couldn’t find ANY other week. She was already rescheduling and its in a backyard. Very inconsiderate.
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